Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS went to grandparents now he doesn't want to come home

15 replies

gooner111 · 29/08/2023 23:34

I have 3 children, DS15, DD15 and DD6. My older DS and DD are twins and don't get along at all, it's mainly DS constantly going in her room and annoying her which causes her to retaliate. His attitude is awful, he constantly shouts and swears at me and both DD's, is violent etc etc. My youngest has SN and just wants to show him her toys, she's the same with all of us not just him but DS is constantly rude to her, telling her to go away which she doesn't understand.

He started getting into fights just before the summer holidays and it carried on to the start of the holidays, as well as drinking. His dad isn't interested, my DP works away for weeks at a time so it was just me dealing with him all the time. I had enough so we all visited my dad and I left DS with him, he's been there for a month. Although, we all did go on holiday 2 weeks ago, we had some 1 to 1 time and he did apologise.

He's due back this weekend as he starts school next week but he's told my dad he doesn't want to come home and has threatened to start the behaviour again because he hates us all, even DP and he isn't here most of the time.

He hasn't got a school near my dad so he can't stay, part of me thinks he should but I know him leaving him there will BU and seem like I'm abandoning him, it's also unfair on my dad and his partner as they both have other children of their own.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 29/08/2023 23:36

What does your dad think about it?

It sounds like it might be the best option all round if he's happier there.

Could you find him a school there?

Theunamedcat · 29/08/2023 23:41

Would your dad keep him? 🤔 his threats to start the behaviour again don't sound good at all

Tbh it probably won't last long once he has to ho into a school routine he will most likely act the same there

...isn't this his gcse year?

UnfinishedUserna · 29/08/2023 23:49

Can he agree to come home with the proviso he spends school holidays there?

ButterCrackers · 29/08/2023 23:49

How about your dad says to his grandson that his dgs can come back to visit in the school holidays. That your son has to treat you and siblings and your dp with respect. If he does this then he is welcome. Threats will mean that the dgs won’t be visiting and that your dad will call social services for help. There’s to be no drinking or drugs. Your dgs needs to get back on track and only he can achieve this for himself.

endofthelinefinally · 29/08/2023 23:54

How does he get on with your DP and how long have you and DP been living together? If DS is happier with his GPs and they are ok for him to stay there, I would find a way to make it work. Life sounds pretty miserable for all the DC at home tbh.
Could you look at 6th form colleges near your parents?

greenspaces4peace · 30/08/2023 00:02

it certainly might be an idea worth exploring if his grandparents are agreeable.

dearanon · 30/08/2023 00:06

It's a big difference between having him for a month and having him full time. You said yourself your dad has other children to look after.

What happens if he refuses to go to school or he behaves the same way to the other children in your dads house

MsCactus · 30/08/2023 00:07

It sounds like he might be happier at your dad's - but what does your dad and his partner etc think?

minipie · 30/08/2023 00:11

I had enough so we all visited my dad and I left DS with him, he's been there for a month.

Did your DS know he was going to stay at your dad’s or was this a surprise to him? If you left hik there with no warning then I imagine he feels like you basically kicked him out and it’s not really surprising he doesn’t want to come back now.

caringcarer · 30/08/2023 00:14

Is there a college near to your Dad or a bus that goes to a college? Can't recall if you said he was 15 or 15. If he's 16 he must be starting college. Are his grades good enough to go. Would your Dad take him? If he did agree you would need to pay your Dad for his food and keep and buy him a bus pass. If he's only 15 then tell him he has to come home to finish his exam year but if he behaves he can go with your Dad in holidays and after next June once he's finished his exams

gooner111 · 30/08/2023 00:24

He knew, at first he did refuse but I told him to think about it and then near the end of the trip I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted to stay.

He gets along okayish with DP, they do argue a lot which is mainly due to DS’s attitude but they do a spend time together. He's been living with us for 6 years as he moved in properly just after I had DD.

It is his GCSE year so it'll be a struggle for him to transfer schools now, it also seems unfair as he's currently sharing a room with my younger brother, my dad has him 50/50 and he was told it would just be for the summer so I don't think it should last any longer.

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 30/08/2023 00:44

You need to bring him home and get to the bottom of why he said he hates you all. I’m sure he doesn’t mean it, but he is obviously very angry and upset. If you show him empathy and understanding then he will learn to show it back.

BlackeyedSusan · 30/08/2023 00:52

What SEN does your younger child have? Is it possible that your oldest son has them too? Puberty can be bloody hard on families. Sen can make it worse.

gooner111 · 30/08/2023 09:56

DD has ASD, mildcerebral palsy and learning difficulties but I don't think DS has them although he does struggle with school but I think it's that he doesn't try as when he does try he does well.

OP posts:
gooner111 · 30/08/2023 14:09

.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page