To not offer to look after child

[MummaRumma]

Friend is looking for urgent childcare for asd child age 6 and a baby tomorrow while she attends a funeral .
I would always love to help but her older child with asd can be difficult for me to look after and he often gets quite aggressive and shouts at my dd who is similar age and my dd really doesn’t like it and gets upset. I would be signing up to looking after my 2 plus her 2 pretty much all afternoon until past all their bedtimes. Aibu to not offer? Ps. I already have helped out a few times recently and it wasn’t easy for me. I feel bad

Just say no your busy.surely she's had time to sort out childcare before the night before?

Could you take the baby maybe and someone else have the other child?

YANBU to not offer though if you don't feel able to manage.

Having organised a funeral recently and attended another (in UK), I can guarantee she wasn’t told the date of it 1 days before (unless you are in a country like Spain, Italy etc where funerals are the day after the death). She is likely to have had plenty of notice Has her childcare plan fallen through or is she just badly organized?

Depends how close a friend and how close the person was to her who died. If she's grieving I would offer even though I know it would be a really hard afternoon (and have done in similar circumstances).

It’d slightly depend for me on the situation - if they’d lost someone close like a parent for example I’d take a difficult afternoon for a grieving friend. If it was a “nice to go” thing like an old colleague maybe less so.

But only you know what you can cope with, it isn’t an easy thing to handle especially when it upsets your own child.

Hmmm, I kinda think this is what friends are for to be honest. I mean, whats the point in being someones friend if you're not there to support them for a funeral?

If her kids are naughty give them a firm telling off.

To be honest, considering it is for a funeral, I think it's quite poor of you to not offer if you are free and she's a good friend you care about. It sounds like it'll be hard work for you but it's a funeral. If it was for any other reason I would think you were not being unreasonable but I think a funeral is a bit different. I would offer and see if she can get take out for them for dinner or something to make your life easier.

@Mariposista I can assure you that in some parts of the UK funerals do happen at short notice, sometimes for religious reasons. In NI funerals often happen less than 48 hours after death if it was a natural death.

To answer the OP though only you know @MummaRumma what you can offer, whether your friend has explored all avenues or been let down by someone else. I guess if the older child was at school your friend wouldn't be in such a spot. If you are able to take one of her children and someone else take the other that might be an option. If you can't, you can't but for a funeral if she is a good friend I'd be inclined to try. Maybe she could take the baby to the funeral if the older child could be looked after.

I’d help if you can, but there’s no reason for her to to be at this funeral until after their bedtime. I’d say you can have them for a few hours, so she can attend the church.

Say that you can’t take her kids because you have your kids already to look after. Perhaps she could get a babysitter. It sounds much easier on the 6yr old to be in their own home

I would be inclined to do it in these circumstances as a one-off.

Me too. You don’t have to enjoy it op but for one afternoon I would suck it up. It’s a funeral. It’s the nice thing to do.

But it's not a one-off. The OP has said she's looked after them a few times recently and it was hard work.

I would do it for this kind of occasion. However if the son hurts your daughter, that would be different. I would decline to protect my child then.

If it were me and I really wanted to help, I'd see if a relative of mine could look after my children then I could babysit at friend's house. That way no upsetting your child and less stress for you.
My brother's kids are an absolute handful (partly parenting, partly ASD/ADHD) and I've never offered to babysit because I'm quite selfish and don't like doing things I don't want to do. But I'd do this for him for a funeral.