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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how close you are with your ex?

20 replies

NicholeL · 29/08/2023 21:55

We parted in a friendly way… and his suggestion was to be there for each other.

Not in a physical, or financial way, but just there for each other if we need to talk and support each other.
He encourages to try dating, move on etc but wants to be friends and be for each other.

I don’t even know what went wrong with our relationship but it just wasn’t working and I struggled to communicate with him. I was talking talking talking and he was not… or maybe I wasn’t listening 🫨

we can still talk for hours, we still joke, we check in on each other.

is this normal?

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 29/08/2023 22:04

How long were you together??? Do you have any children??? I'm very very lucky.,..broke up with my sons dad after over 10 years together. Took a while but now we get on better than ever. He comes round for the important days (sons birthdays) and we spend Christmas day together. So yes.....it can be done. We are better friend's than being together in a relationship x

ManchesterLu · 29/08/2023 22:18

I have nothing to do with him at all.
He was very very upset when we split up so I agreed to be friends, even though he was completely toxic.
We kind of kept in touch for a year, but then it tailed off, and now it's been about 5 years and I'm perfectly happy about that.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/08/2023 22:19

Im not. I’d be civil to him if I saw him. I hope that’s not very often.

Zanatdy · 29/08/2023 22:19

We were really close for over a decade, joint holidays. Now he’s remarried we obviously aren’t as close, but still text say every other day. I know if I needed help he would be there and vice versa.

OnAir · 29/08/2023 22:20

Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

HashBrownandBeans · 29/08/2023 22:20

I consider my ex husband a friend, we still go to each other for advice often, as does my second husband

Tambatamba · 29/08/2023 22:23

Ex husband and I get on fine. He's remarried.

My most recent ex is (I think) a narcissist. We have a 3 year old dd. He won't let go of me. I feel I can't move on. I ended up sleeping with him again a few months ago and it was a mistake. I feel like my life is frozen in time.

CopperLion · 29/08/2023 22:23

We stayed close friends for years and it later turned out that neither of us was dummy over it, though neither of us really realised it either. We then got back together and it didn’t work out for all the same reasons it didn’t work the first time. It was painful and a waste of time. I recommend a clean break now!

CopperLion · 29/08/2023 22:24

*was fully over it

SisterAgatha · 29/08/2023 22:24

I have a lot of exes… some I am good friends with but we don’t talk everyday. Some I never heard from again but I’d talk to them just the same, seems they just can’t talk to me anymore.

The few who I do think still hold a flame, I keep at arms length out of respect for their wives. We talk but if it gets a little too friendly, i rush off or pretend to be busy.

SugarPlumpFairy3 · 29/08/2023 22:24

I’m on pretty good terms with my ex. We were together for 25 years and have 3 dc.

We can still chat for hours, laugh and support each other. We spend time on Christmas Day together with the dc and get together for their birthdays.

Nothing bad happened to end our relationship, we just grew apart. There was no abuse or affairs which I’m 100% sure helped us to remain on good terms.

SisterAgatha · 29/08/2023 22:25

Just to say that in your situation, I think one or both of you still hold a flame.

10HailMarys · 29/08/2023 22:41

It’s normal for some people, yes. I certainly know some people who are on excellent terms with their ex partners. One of my male friends has a brilliant friendship with his ex-wife, and they don’t have kids so it’s not like they’ve had to stay in touch. They just wanted to. His ex wife came to his second wife’s funeral and was incredibly supportive.

My sister’s also pretty friendly with one of her exes - they don’t see each other often these days because they live very far apart but they still chat loads on social media.

I also know a couple of people who basically stayed in touch with their ex-husbands because they had kids together, but through seeing each other for kid-related stuff, just ended up being good mates.

I don’t have any relationship with my most recent ex because a) he was a violent abuser and b) he’s apparently now dead. I used to be friendly with a previous ex, but eventually I realised that, although we shared a sense of humour and had great conversations, he was a just as manipulative and over-dramatic as a friend as he had been as a boyfriend. The one before that I was friendly with for a while but I just outgrew him really.

fortheloveofflowers · 29/08/2023 22:51

There’d probably be a pause before I commenced CPR if he dropped down from a heart attack in front of me 🤷‍♀️

I’d probably only start CPR because I’d lose my job otherwise and nursing registration 🤔

SallyWD · 29/08/2023 23:00

We split up 20 years ago! Remained friends for a few years and used to write to each other (nothing romantic, just friendly letters). Now we're no longer in touch but I am still close to members of his family.

nimski · 29/08/2023 23:07

OnAir · 29/08/2023 22:20

Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

This...

BananaSlug · 29/08/2023 23:07

Not at all. We have children but don’t speak and he rarely sees them (has their direct numbers but rarely messages and certainly never calls)

MrsToothyBitch · 30/08/2023 06:37

I only speak to one of mine. He got back in touch after 2.5 years when his dad died which I thought was a one off so interacted and he has occasionally messaged me since and I even more occasionally reply. I know how he feels about his ex who won't speak to him at all so I basically do it to prove I'm the bigger person!

Otherwise, no I don't speak to any of them. Nothing to say. 2 of them it's not so amicable, 1 of them we both needed the space to move on despite mutual well wishes and now the space is a decade. That one felt, at the time, like a bereavement.

WhyEffingBother · 30/08/2023 06:53

NicholeL · 29/08/2023 21:55

We parted in a friendly way… and his suggestion was to be there for each other.

Not in a physical, or financial way, but just there for each other if we need to talk and support each other.
He encourages to try dating, move on etc but wants to be friends and be for each other.

I don’t even know what went wrong with our relationship but it just wasn’t working and I struggled to communicate with him. I was talking talking talking and he was not… or maybe I wasn’t listening 🫨

we can still talk for hours, we still joke, we check in on each other.

is this normal?

Yeah okay OP but let's see how much he wants to be there for you once he finds a new toy to play with!

givemeasunnyday · 30/08/2023 08:28

My ex and I separated nearly 20 years ago and we are still friends - no children. We talk on the phone most weeks, sometimes for over an hour, and he calls in when he comes to town to see his DM. He helped me move flats last year, and we give birthday gifts.

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