Hi all,
new poster here but eternal lurker and honestly just feel like I have nowhere else to go for advice.
so on that note, please don’t be too harsh on me if I am the unreasonable one!
will try and not ramble too much..
So essentially I am 30, have DH and one three year old. Work in a medical field which essentially means I can work anywhere around the world and this year a couple of months back I saw someone in my role looking into working abroad. I decided to see what could happen, post holiday comedown had definitely kicked in (I know, definitely not a good reason to go!) My job is short staffed everywhere just like here and the interviews and offers went mad. We were looking at Australia but it’s too far, too isolated and I would miss my parents/DD’s grandparents.
So this brings me to Canada. Now let me first say that DH did not WANT Canada, he wanted Australia and thought Canada would be too expensive, harder to get in, harder for him to find work.. etc. He would have to go as a spouse or similar on an open permit as he’s not on a listed job role. This is where it kicked up a notch. I got offered a role in Canada and we did look into it a great deal, I was keen and high on the excitement but I definitely definitely did have doubts too, worry the grass isn’t greener, that I’d miss my family, that it’s not a country that doesn’t have its own problems and that we had too much an attitude of ‘if we don’t like it we can come home.’ true, but probably not a positive start.
I hadn’t said much to my family about it until the offer and I told my mum. She wasn’t against it per se but she did point out the doubts I have had, what if I didn’t like the job, would I have to pay visa costs back (yes), what about childcare.. they don’t help us every day or anything but my parents are good back ups for when I get held up to do nursery collections and they do have her on a Friday. And she said it is ultimately up to us but just make sure we have thought it through type thing.
I went to accept the job then had a .. nope.. I do not want to do this epiphany. I think I got caught up in all the excitement and now the reality side of me is thinking a bit more clearly and realising the UK is not that dire.
but. Husband is miserable now. He said he can’t believe I have listened to my mum when he really wanted to go, that I am putting my mums thoughts before my husband and listening to her more and not him, that I am passing up an opportunity for a bigger house and better wage and better life and ultimately for the last two weeks he’s just been so down in our life here. Basically saying that I’ve ruined this opportunity for us and he seems to be struggling to let go and forgive me.
I just feel now at a bit of a crossroads, I could easily get another job there and go and I feel almost like if I don’t husband will think I’ve let us down.
YABU-take the chance and move
YANBU-and if he’s willing to break up that’s on him..
help! Feel so sad and torn :(