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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand the logic of social services and the family court?

34 replies

BarbiesDreamhouse1 · 29/08/2023 19:51

I'm really struggling and at a complete loss to understand this.

A woman in an abusive relationship is threatened by social services for removal of her child if she continues to stay in said relationship. The woman flees and social services inform the father that contact is suspended and to make an application to court.

One fact finding, one section 7, one psychological report later.. the father is then treated like the victim and is on the way to getting everything he wants.. despite denying perpetrating any abuse.

It's almost like the mother is being punished for leaving.

Help me understand this??

OP posts:
Original poster
BarbiesDreamhouse1 · 30/08/2023 08:39

I'm struggling with this whole victim depiction of my ex. Honestly, he has been treated like he is the sole victim.

OP posts:
HousePrices · 30/08/2023 21:59

You are not alone OP.

reallypuzzledoverthis · 30/08/2023 22:10

So ss said if you stayed in the abusive relationship that they would escalate to child protection? So you left and were on child in need then they found that the risk was removed because you had left?
who has instigated the court action? Is that your ex?
to be honest if they are doing reports on you for court it will not help you saying you were forced to leave as you weren’t - you could have stayed and gone on child protection. They will take what you are saying about being forced to leave as not being very proactive about protecting your child and this is a concern in itself, and unless there was a criminal prosecution against your ex then it is not really written as fact that he was abusive - did you go to the police?

ASimpleLampoon · 31/08/2023 14:47

bellac11 · 29/08/2023 19:54

If there has been a fact finding hearing then the judge has set the 'facts' of the case, and made whatever findings they see fit based on the evidence

The mum will have been legally represented, what was the solicitors view of that?

Is this someone you know or youself?

Legally represented? Are you joking? Most women going through FC can't afford that!

Merryoldgoat · 31/08/2023 19:15

You can tell some of the posters here have no experience of the family court.

It’s a brutal horrifying place that destroys women who have already been through unimaginable pain.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 31/08/2023 19:18

If SS feel he is a risk, and he's given unsupervised contact, surely the next step would be for you to refer the situation back to social services?

Do you have any way of contacting the social worker involved at the time? If so, might it be a good idea to let them know what is happening?

It does sound like a ridiculous situation.

bellac11 · 31/08/2023 19:19

ASimpleLampoon · 31/08/2023 14:47

Legally represented? Are you joking? Most women going through FC can't afford that!

Show quote history

It wasnt clear from the OP that this is private law proceedings because she mentioned SSD and it seemed to imply this was public law proceedings.

If it had have been all parents are legally represented in those cases

In private law, she is entitled to legal aid having been a victim of DV in any case.

And as she later points out, she has a solicitor.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 05/12/2023 18:34

Any update on this ? =(

Tandora · 05/12/2023 19:06

reallypuzzledoverthis · 30/08/2023 22:10

So ss said if you stayed in the abusive relationship that they would escalate to child protection? So you left and were on child in need then they found that the risk was removed because you had left?
who has instigated the court action? Is that your ex?
to be honest if they are doing reports on you for court it will not help you saying you were forced to leave as you weren’t - you could have stayed and gone on child protection. They will take what you are saying about being forced to leave as not being very proactive about protecting your child and this is a concern in itself, and unless there was a criminal prosecution against your ex then it is not really written as fact that he was abusive - did you go to the police?

What?! This is fucking ridiculous logic. On the one hand OP isn’t a responsible parent for not choosing to leave of her own initiative. On the other she is an abusive parent for taking away DC from dad and engaging in parental alienation?
The whole system is so fucked up.

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