To think no one really cares?

[BananaSlug]

I often see it said on here when someone is a deadbeat dad that doesn’t bother with their kids they should be shamed to their friends family or employer 🫣 but irl no one cares do they? My ex has loads of friends despite not bothering with our children and paying no maintenance his family haven’t “disowned him” either but yet I see on here often people claiming they would disown friends or family members if they behaved this way and they should be social outcasts but my experience is irl no one really cares. Aibu to think irl no one really cares and wouldn’t disown a friend or family member for this reason?

I think people only disown or cut off others if they do something to them not because of how they are treating their ex and their children. He might be a good son/ friend.

Yes I think you are right, this is not my view I know a few dead beat dads with loads of friends and good family . I’ve only ever seen the opinion on here that they would disown a family member etc

Yeah I agree. No one really cares about deadbeats. They always have excuses made for them and people turn a blind.
The judgement and scorn seems to be be saved for the single mum left behind to get on with it instead.

We have cut out a relative and a friend due to their lack of care for their children after a split. I can’t be bothered with anyone like that. It’s a dreadful thing to not bother with your kids and although it seems reasonable common, I can’t get my head around it. It tells me everything I need to know about someone.

I guess the people he gets on with are more likely to hold similar views to him anyway, otherwise they wouldn't get along.

So it's probably not as shocking to them that he's like he is, whereas to you, he's obviously not the person you initially thought he was. To his long term friends and family, he's probably always been like that, and they're fine with that.

Nobody cares. Men can get away with so much shady shite… It has always been thus. And won’t be changing anytime soon. Loads of the Me Too women were called crazy old bints, when they complained. Shaming men is very hard to achieve IRL.

Patriarchy innit!

Men are allowed to do what they want, not see their kids, not pay. It's tolerated, almost expected in some places.

If a woman behaved in the same way she would be shamed for not being a "proper, natural" mother. She's left to bring up the kids with no help or thanks.