Father's Day etiquette around those who lost their dad?

[Heatherland77]

If a friend of yours had lost their dad 18 months ago and also, lost their mum in January this year, would you share photos of the gift you got your dad for Father's Day and post it all over social media in front of her? Then talk endlessly about what a special relationship you have with your dad?

@Heatherland77 I understand. Given your update that really is a disgusting way to behave towards you. And if someone droned on to me about the importance of having loving grandparents I’d be hurt by that also - I don’t have that for my kids so that would cut deep.

Everyone's lives are different. My Dad died when I was 23. I didn't expect anyone to pretend Father's Day didn't exist. My husband still had Father's Day to celebrate his Dad.

If you are this fragile, the rest of your life is going to be very difficult!

18 months isn't particularly recent when it's not your own parents.

Perhaps they forgot?

I think you should be able to both without fear of offending or upsetting anyone else.

My dad disowned me as a teenager but seeing other people have nice relationships with their dads doesn’t bother me at all and I’m pleased for them.

Also I don’t just see posts about someone’s own dad, I also tend to see posts posting stuff to their partners/fathere of their kids.

Are you the OP ?
This is a bit odd that she talks about a heart shaped pizza and along comes a poster called pizza heart shop has lost her dad.

I lost my dad about 18 months ago, it doesn't bother me in the slightest if people want to talk about their dads. I don't find it insensitive.

I wouldn't target that one person with it. But equally people can celebrate fathers day. Loosing my dad never made me things others shouldn't appreciate theirs. Quite the opposite.

Just reading your update. Did you remind them you lost your dad and ask to change the topic of conversation?

I agree it is thoughtless to do so. Better still would be not to share presents you buy for others on social media.

The talking endlessly about a special relationship sounds exaggerated, but insensitive if it happened.

After 18 months, friends should be able to talk as they normally would about their parents and they shouldn’t be expected to change what they post on social media at any time. If anything, I think it’s incredibly self centred for anyone to think that other people should censor their SM to suit them even if they are grieving.

People are thoughtless, it gets mentioned all the time with oh yeah I'm doing this for Father's Day and I still need to buy a card or present.

I just don't really say much and the conversation moves on.

No, I’m not, neither I’m a friend or anyone involved.
My name doesn’t mean that I’m related to all posters mentioning pizzas and hearts together or separately.

Thanks for clearing that up lol.

OP i was extremely close to both of my parents and I've now lost them both. I just took it for granted that everyone had that and it was only as an adult that i realised how lucky i was. Now that i have friends who don't have that relationship i would be happy for anyone who has anything like the relationship that i had and i would hope they'd feel able to talk about it.

18 months ago is not a recent loss, nor do you have the right to make everyone walk on eggshells about it.

We all lose our parents in the fullness of time. If you're having problems getting over your grief, I would suggest counseling.

Mmm, bit of a grey area here. Broadly speaking, no, I don't think she should be asking for lots of input into a present for Father's Day etc. But then, my dad is alive and I have a good relationship with him and I'd still find it odd if a friend was banging on and on about her fathers day gift and asking for advice etc.

Social media is different and the bereaved person has no right to expect others not to post.

This whole scenario might be a bit different if it was, for example, a big birthday. I might ask a friend for their thoughts on my dad's big 80th birthday gift, but I wouldn't ask the friend whose dad has passed away on the basis that they're not going to be having an 80th celebration.

I have never expected anyone to change what they do out of sensitivity to my personal circumstances, I think it's strangely self absorbed.

People die and that is very sad for those of us left behind but it doesn't mean that the rest of the world needs to keep us company in our grief.

A good example of why social media bragging posts are lame and self serving.
I’m sorry for your loss @Heatherland77

I agree

I honestly think that your loss, as sad as it is, shouldn't make someone else not talk about their parent, no. It's nice that she appreciates how fortunate she is to have her parent. But then generally speaking I'm not a believer in people having to sensor themselves so as not to "trigger" people. It might be different if you lost your dad last week but 18 months is a long time to expect people to walk on eggshells around you.