To ask would you look for long lost relatives? Or would you want to be found?

[Ohforfox]

I'll summarise.

Both my parents are dead. My father died when I was a young child and I never had any contact with his side of the family until they sent me a letter when I was 12 which I didn't know what to do with & ignored. I have never spoken to them but know they lived close to where I live now. 10miles or so away. I also have a half brother who was adopted at birth on my dad's side - he is about a year older than me but I presume he would have his mother's name which I don'tknow, I have his first name at birth (which may have been changed) and a year of birth but that's all. I've been thinking about it recently and wondered, if you were on the other side of this would you be looking for me? Would you want to be contacted? I'm unsure where to start anyway but curious.

No, I wouldn't be looking and no, I wouldn't want to be found. If contact was made with me, I'd ignore it and if an actual visit was made, I'd tell them to leave.

I don't want anyone else in my life, no matter who they are.

Can I just ask - does anyone have estranged family & does/doesn't want to be found? Or is it hypothetical. I feel it is different if you know there are people out there for definite.

I haven't seen one set of cousins in forty years. Not bothered if we never meet now.

(We were all subteens last we met)

I would look and want to know them. They were adopted as a baby, not a conscious choice to leave. I can imagine it would be very difficult if you do trace them and they don't want to know you though, so that is something you need to be prepared for. I don't believe I have any unaccounted family members, but if there was a mystery one, I would hope they track me down too.

This ^.

I have half siblings and am glad I met them and got to know them. We live in a different country so have a distant relationship as it is but wish we could be a bit closer geographically.

I’ve also had some unknown cousins pop up and they’ve been embraced by the family which I like

The two people I know who have done this met families they were happy to know and were really glad they did it.

I was estranged from my mothers family from a very young age. Brought up by my paternal grandparents after my parents abuse got too bad (that’s why my maternal family walked away).

it’s been a mixed bag being in touch with them. There’s some lovely people that I’m close too, and quite a few that I wish to have nothing to do with because of the decisions they made years ago.

Its a Pandora’s box but I’m glad I did it because I don’t have any unanswered questions now .

I had a half sister, I'd always known about her and was desperate to meet. We met when I was 30 and she was 35, she was lovely but we only met the once, we had nothing in common and had had completely different lives. She passed away 5 years after we met, I feel sorry we couldn't make a connection but I am glad we met at least the once 💐

I have 'lost' family. No, I wouldn't want to be contacted, and no, I would never make any effort to contact them.
In fact, I'd make huge effort to avoid both scenarios.
My adopted friend traced her birth parents and has regretted it ever since. They were not nice people.

I have an estranged parent and two half siblings. I actually know where they are and it wouldn't be overly difficult for me to make contact (i have an online snoop every now and then when curiosity gets the better of me). I haven't made contact because I don't know what I'd be doing it for. I'd love to have immediate family like that but they aren't it because they've never been there, they're complete strangers to me.

I often wonder if any of them would get in touch with me. And to answer your question, I really don't know if I'd want to be found or not! My life is very nice and plain sailing luckily......not sure if I could deal with the emotional turmoil!

No. I wouldn’t want to be contacted. If I’ve done without them my whole life up until now, I don’t need them. I have been told I have a half sister but I hope she never tries to contact me as I would have to ignore her or say I don’t want any relationship.

I don’t see the point of tracking them down just because you feel ‘curious ‘. Unless you want to have a brother/ sister relationship then there really is no point 🤔

Well quite. This was the reason for my post. I wouldn't be opposed to a relationship if the other person/s wanted, however I similarly don't feel that I am lacking because I have no extended relatives. I haven't done anything thus far but I'm sure it must be normal to sometimes wonder about your relatives in some capacity, especially if you know they potentially live up the road from you.

I got an ancestry dna test for xmas during lockdown and did this, plus my family tree to keep me busy at this time.

I knew my DF was estranged from most of his family and my late GM was emotionally abusive. We knew there were half siblings out there.

The DNA test revealed more half siblings of his than we thought he had and lots of coincidences - we don't think his dad is really his dad, but his uncle!

We connected with several of my cousins who welcomed the contact but also sad as their parents didn't meet us, or even know each other existed (some of them were full siblings to each other but half siblings to my DF).

I think its important to help people know who they are and where they came from and answer unanswered questions. Imagine the hurt and confusion of not knowing who your parents are, why they gave you up, how many siblings you have/had. It may not always be nice information but it still gives an identity at least. So I'm all for it.

The DNA option and family tree research can give answers without the obligation to respond to anyone or contact anyone. Maybe try that.

I'd be open to being contacted. I'm into family history stuff and I'd genuinely be really excited (as an only child) if a half-sibling popped up! I think as you have unanswered questions and are wondering it, you'll probably always wonder so should reach out - is the person who sent you the letter still alive? It sounds like they'd definitely welcome contact from you.

My DH is the opposite though, he was adopted at birth and has zero interest in his birth family beyond occasionally pondering half-siblings (he knows he has two for definite).

I was adopted, then estranged from my adoptive family, so I speak with authority when I say absolutely not to both questions.

My experience means I place no importance on blood links or distant "family" connections; as an adult I've surrounded myself with a large and extensive chosen family of people I love and cherish. I don't know what I'd be meant to do with some stranger rocking up expecting me to be part of their life just because we share DNA. As for the ones I'm estranged from, there are good reasons for that!