I've been incorrectly claiming UC and need to come clean

[Helpneededpls]

I will try to keep this as short as possible whilst giving all the relevant information.

2.5 years ago after I gave birth to our second child and I was on maternity leave (from self employment) I discovered that my then-DP had been having an affair. I also discovered, after he had done a runner in the middle of the night, that he hadn't been paying the rent. He had left me with over £2500 in rent arrears that I had no idea about.

I made a single person's claim for universal credit shortly after he left so I could try to remain in the flat and show commitment to the landlord. I had been self employed (in a low skilled position earning not much more than NMW) up until the birth of my second child and we had been paying the rent through our wages 50/50 on a joint tenancy. I had a small amount of savings put aside to contribute my part of the rent whilst on maternity and he was supposed to be covering the rest. He didn't.

Within a few months I'd had a complete nervous breakdown, developed a chronic illness, lost my dad very suddenly in a traumatic way and wasn't looking after myself properly. I wasn't coping with the children so to stop them being taken away (as i was convinced they would be) I allowed him to move back in when he realised the grass wasn't greener with OW.

So this is where I fucked it all up.

Because of what he'd done to us with the rent I had no trust left in him and did not want to have to rely on any contributions from him to keep a roof over our heads. He had shown me that he could dissappear in the middle of the night, literally, and pull the rug from under our feet at a moments notice - yet I was genuinely unable to work and felt as though I needed him around as I wasn't capable of being a "good enough" mum without his support.

There are reasons for that which has its own backstory, not entirely relevant to the thread but I will go into it If necessary. Long history of abuse stemming back to my childhood and the associated MH problems and lack of self esteem you'd expect from that. However mainly it was the fact that our eldest child is disabled which makes the usual parenting struggles 10 x harder. There have been many times I have felt that I just couldn't go on and was thready to throw the towel in.

I didn't feel, or atleast was made to feel that I wouldn't be able to do any of it without him and had convinced myself, with some help from him I'm sure, that i would lose the children in one way or another.

So, I reasoned with myself that because we weren't a "proper" couple IE no longer shared a bed and I only had him there for support with the children somehow that made it OK. Of course I realise that it doesn't and I was just deluding myself so I could sleep better at night and bury my head in the sand. I'm almost certain that it would be seen as LTAMC after looking into the criteria and examples as he does contribute to the household in terms of shopping and giving me money for things the children need, food etc.

A handful of times I sat him down and said I wanted to update the claim to reflect the fact he was living with me and he was always vehemently against it. This is obviously because he doesn't want to be responsible for supporting us financially and still has one foot out of the door.

I can understand that really as there's no love/affection/intimacy between us and we are living as friends who get on one another's nerves half the time. We haven't shared a bed in years. He is either on the sofa or, his preference, an inflatable mattress in the living room. I was in touch with women's aid some time ago with regards to emotional abuse throughout the relationship and actually with the benefit of hindsight and counselling I think he has only ever contributed to my mental health problems.

With all that being said, he doesn't have great prospects when it comes to being able to afford and finance accommodation for himself. He's a low earner (only just above NMW) and we live in an expensive part of the country that he would never move away from. He would be able to afford a room in a house share, at best, so of course this current arrangement suits him just fine. It would, wouldn't It? In all likelihood he would go and lodge on his DF's sofa and probably use that as an excuse as to why he can never have the kids because you know, cock lodger

As is usually the case when somebody buries their head in the sand, things have snowballed. The longer it has gone on the more worried I've got and It has gotten to the point now that I am more scared of going to prison than I am of being on my with the kids. Either way I'm screwed.

So what the hell do I do now?

Do I come clean to the DWP and hope to god that goes in my favour? This is what I'm leaning heavily towards although they would understandably stop my benefits and no longer pay the rent. He doesn't earn enough to even pay the rent himself as it is £350 more than his total monthly take home so eventually I would lose the flat anyway.

Do I tell him I don't care what he says and I'm adding his details onto the claim as of now so that atleast from this point onwards the amount reflects what the actual entitlement would be? That would probably trigger an investigation in itself.

Or do I get him to move out and just say nothing at all repay my debt to the community somehow? This is the option I'm least in favour of as it's just more burying my head in the sand, isn't it? But I'm scared.

I think whatever happens I'm going to lose the kids as if I go to prison he isn't going to take them on himself. He's obsessed with working nights and his DF would never let him have them there. There's no way the landlord would ever let him back on the tenancy here.

I think I'd benefit from speaking to a solicitor so I'm going to make some enquiries and see whether this free 30 mins consultant we hear of is really a thing.

On an ending note I just want to say that dispite claiming incorrectly, at no point have I been living lavishly. I don't have flash technology, I don't smoke or drink, no nights out, all of my clothes are second hand the cost of living has absolutely flattened this household in spite of his wage coming in. I don't see the vast, vast majority of it or even know what he spends it on.

The shit part is - if I would have altered the claim to reflect him being present at the earliest opportunity we would have almost certainly been entitled to some financial help as he's a low earner. Of course I let him convince me that we wouldn't be but I've done my research now and know that we would have.

I've donned my hard hat and will accept the inevitable bashing as its nothing less than I deserve, although I am hoping for some genuine advice in amongst it for how I sort out this whole mess in the way that's going to cause the least amount of fallout for my DC.

Thank you 🙁

You must talk to the CAB before you call the DWP. If he refuses to be added to a joint claim it’s proof he doesn’t consider himself your partner - your next step is to tell him to go. Bluntly, he’s freeloading on you and the kids and endangering their accommodation and their support.

Discuss the situation- not sharing a bed, persistent refusal to open a joint claim - with the CAB. You are taking legal advice because you thought yours was a single claim and are now uncertain what the situation was when your Ex ended up sleeping on the couch for months. You can also ask them what kind of support you’ll need for your op.

Once you know what they advise, then you contact UC (if CAB say this should have been a joint claim) and explain that you have now found out that you should have made a joint claim, and your ex has refused to do so.

You have to tell him to go. It’s put your own oxygen mask on first time - this ‘man’ is not supporting you, you’re supporting him.

He said he will go onto the claim but thinks I'll regret it because they will ask him for proof of where he has been living until now, does that sound right?

For the last time, do not add him! Why on earth would you want to make a joint claim with this man? You should be arranging for him to leave not pretending you’re a couple, which will actually leave you financially worse off and even more tied to him.

UC will ask when he moved in but they wont check if it was last week or last year if you give them a date.

I'd tell him to leave he sounds useless

What he does do is transfer me some money every time he gets paid and that is his contribution to the food shopping and anything to do with the children. If DWP were to look into my banking they would see that

He's giving you child support.

Don't update the claim. You aren't a couple are you? Tell him to leave. He's a liability.

In other words, he’s threatening you. “You’ll regret it” is a threat.

Especially since he’s the person who previously refused to make this a joint claim.

I’m joining in the chorus of ‘do not make a joint claim with this man’. You need to talk to the Woman’s Aid or Refuge helpline and you need to talk to CAB. Now.

I think he's trying to put me off the idea of adding him to the claim by catastrophising about what would happen if I do, IE they would investigate and explore the possibility that he has been here all along.

I agree with those of you who say that not adding him to the claim and telling him to leave is the best way to proceed, although i do need him here for the next 5 weeks or so at the very least as I'll be recovering from surgery and not able to do everything for the kids by myself. I wouldn't put it past him to deliberately stick two fingers up to me and refuse to help out if I send him packing now. I don't have any family support.

So that leaves me with one of two options, on3 being to do nothing until after my surgery and then get him to leave, but that would mean I'm still commiting fraud for the next couple of months which I really don't want hanging over me so on that basis adding him to the claim in whatever capacity for the interim felt like the safest option.

God what a bloody mess I'm such an idiot.

My local CAB have closed their in-person drop in service which is crap as I was hoping to go in today. I'm going to call them now and find out how I go about being seen.

Look op, if it makes you feel better then ring uc and explain that your ex will be in your home for the next 5 weeks due to your upcoming operation but he will be making other arrangements (whether he knows it or not) after. That way your backside is covered but you don’t have to add him to the claim. Tell them you’re happy to proof of your upcoming operation to show the nature of it means you/your children will need additional help for a while. Tell them he’s sleeping on the sofa during this time. I’m 99% their response will be ‘Righto’.

This sounds like a sensible course of action I think.

Yep, I would get him turfed out and keep your claim as it is - two problems solved in one fell swoop.

It reads to me that you are not a couple and he is paying you fixed maintenance.

They won’t ask for proof of where he’s been living. Why should they? And even if they do, everything is registered at his dads address so he just says there.

Add him as if he’s just moved in now or get him to leave.

Make sure he pays maintenance if he leaves.

Tell him he has to leave because otherwise he'll be colluding in benefit fraud. I'm not sure what the rules are about how many nights a guest can stay over without actually living with you. Find this out and use it as a reason to get him to stay at his DF house 3 or 4 nights a week. Tell him it's the only way to keep the family financially solvent and to protect you both from benefit fraud.

Use this as an opportunity to get him out the house.

Think about getting him to move his stuff out so he is just sleeping on the sofa and speak unto your doctor about care options for you when you get out of hospital. They may well be able to arrange a carer a few times a day.

If he died you would have to cope and I think that's how you have to look at this. Binning him off properly.

This with bells on.

Kick him out. Problem solved. Why are you trying to make it worse for yourself?

Having another adult in the house doesn’t affect uc, it’s based on single or couples claim. Sometimes they’ll check that if you’re living with someone that you’re legitimately not a couple (happened to my ex years ago living with his male flat mate) but they rarely do.

There are no rules about how many nights a week someone stays; it’s down to whether they contribute to the household - are they paying rent or are the utility bills in their name, tv subscription service; do they buy food, cook and eat together as a family; are they registered to voy there or elsewhere.

As the money the OP’s ex pays is listed as maintenance, it’s going to show any contribution is for the purpose of raising their child; if there was spousal maintenance in addition, that’s counted as “other income“ and deducted £ for £ from entitlement.

@Helpneededpls, the Entitled To calculator is ok for working out total entitlement to UC but it doesn’t work out deductions for wages. There are better resources to find out what you’d get if you look at a group called Universal Credit Essentials (they have a Facebook page if you’re on there) as they have a tool to help you work out entitlement and deductions.

On the matter of rent, as you’re in a private rental property, you need to look up the LHA (local housing allowance) for your postcode - you’ll find the link via Google - as that is the maximum they’ll pay towards your rent based on your housing entitlement - if both children are under 10 then it will be 2 bedroom only. Anything over the LHA you need to pay from the rest of your award.

Your total award would be reduced based on earnings after tax, NI and pension contributions, and, with children and rent on your claim, you’d get the first £379 without deduction then they’d deduct 55p for every £1 earned over £379. You’d also have to earn more than £722/month to cancel out the benefit cap - with such high rent, you’d almost certainly lose some of your benefit to the cap.

Thank you that's very helpful I will take a look at the Facebook group you mentioned.

So I'm in a 2 bed with 2 DC but my DC1 is disabled and can't share a bedroom. Me and DC2 share the second bedroom.

Regarding the benefit cap, if I recall correctly that was removed from my claim when DC1 was awarded DLA. Would having somebody living here and working mean that cap is put back on?

Draw a line under the benefit stuff and don't worry about it....sounds like you've had a crap time of it and its not exactly the worst crime.Many do worse sorts of fraud, and its not like your living happily with him making a load of money already! Make the ex leave and get the support you need to move on with your life, be it mental health treatment or support from children's services, ask for a some extra help through speaking to school (if your children are that age) or if younger then your health visitor.Or speak to your network of family and friends to make a plan of how they can support you without you leaning on your bad partner, who will only drag you down more it seems x

Ok, no if you’re exempt from the cap due to disability benefits, having someone else in the house won’t change that - but their income would still be taken into account when calculating deductions as mentioned above.

As DC1 has disabilities that mean they need their own bedroom, you can appeal to get 3 bed LHA from UC if you can get proof from his consultants/GP/OT etc that it’s a requirement. Once you got the information, ask for a link and send it across to them and ask for a decision maker to look into increasing your bedroom entitlement - even though you’ve only got a 2 bed, they may pay the 3 bed allowance (up to your rent if below the max or the max if lower than rent).

If I may add, this is true but be prepared to fight uc at the first stage about it. Your child has to be in receipt of either MRC or HRC (I believe HRC makes it an ‘easier’ decision for the DM due to the nature of the award being round the clock care) as well. It took me almost a month of arguments on my UC journal and eventually said I would be taking it further before they relented and sent to the dm (who approved the case within a week). The people on the journal are not well versed in the policies - if you’re not on the FB DLA group @Helpneededpls then please join as there are people there who know the literature inside out.

You can update the claim to say you’re both under the same roof but separated. Separate beds, meals, etc. it is allowed!