I met a friend at uni, we were really close, holidays together etc, she then moved away but we stayed in touch.
Fast forward a few years, I got married, still saw each other regularly, spoke lots.
Then 4 years ago she met a guy, and I barely heard from her. I didn't take it personally (even though I still made the effort when I met DH) and just appreciated when she did reply to messages.
So over the last 4 years, her replies to messages have taken longer and longer...she'd send a message saying how very very busy and crazy life is and please forgive her being a shit friend but asking all about what I'm up to and telling me what she's up to...so I'd call (no answer) text (no answer) and suggest a meet up (no answer) until the next time she would leave a voicenote or message again saying 'sorry sorry just sooooo busy'.
And repeat. We had a tradition of sending birthday presents and I noticed she would, without fail, always message just before her birthday.
This year I've had big life events and told her about them...no answer.
So I can take a hint! I'm not important enough to reply to, she's very busy, we grow apart, no ones fault, no bad feelings. Such is life.
This year her birthday came around and she sent another 'omg I'm so awful I haven't asked you about X and Y but I'm so busy I can barely breathe...it's my birthday can you believe it.'
For the first time, I didn't reply. There's no point. And I didn't send a gift. (I'm a generous gift giver so wonder if this was an aspect).
So it's been 2 weeks and she has just messaged me, saying how disappointed she is I haven't replied or acknowledged her birthday.
I mean - what?! I have replied to every message she has sent within a day or two and never, ever moaned when she's taken 3-6 months to reply to me...
Aibu to think you get what you give and it's obvious she wasn't interested in a friendship so there's no point pretending?!