Hi guys,Im new here and this is my first post so apologies if things arent perfect.Im looking for advice on how to manage the relationship with my elderly mum (75).Firstly, the data.Me – 49, never married and no children. Live alone.Mum – 75, widowed in 2005. Lives 5 miles from me.Sister – 51, married two children. New Zealand.Early lifeWe were a fairly normal family although my Dad had 3 nervous breakdowns before I was 16 when he had to spend some time in a private hospital. If he had never have told me I would never have realised but I guess thats parenting for you.I went on to college and university while my sister did the job, married and kids thing. If anything I was given too much freedom and little direction however due to close emotional family ties I chose to go to a local university and stayed at home. I eventually moved out when I was 24, much to my mothers annoyance.I could go into greater detail about childhood but I don’t think its relevant.In 2005 my father passed away after a long battle with lung disease. Certain things happened at the hospital which I find painful to talk about but suffice to say less than 6 months later my mother had a new love interest.I think this disgusted my sister so much within a year she had left the country to start a new life in New Zealand with her husband and children. Ordinarily this would put pressure on mine and my mothers relationship but as it was always strained beforehand, my sisters move has really put our relationship under the spotlight.Without being overly negative, I would say almost 15 years later we have an ‘ok’ relationship as our shared grief, as it were, has brought us closer together however her drinking and ‘mystery illnesses’ are having an increasingly detrimental affect.The issueIn short, my mum is always feeling nauseous however this is always in the mornings. She drinks around a bottle of white wine a day followed by at least 2 brandy nightcaps. Every night. This in turn means she never has an appetite and does not eat properly during the day. I would class myself as a liberal and what you do and how you treat your body is upto you but when it has a detrimental affect on those who love you I think its selfish behaviour.My mum calls me every night (im 49!) and whilst I understand she maybe lonely and afraid of getting old, her slurred speech and non sensical conversation leave me feeling cold and angry. My mum means well and can be very generous and thoughtful but on days out, like today, the consequences of her actions have knock on effects.TodayIt was her idea to visit a local stately home and it started well but when we got there she threw up twice into a bush and basically didn’t have the strength to walk 50 metres. This isnt the first time it has happened.As she is getting older it is getting worse and it really upsets me. I have tried to explain that she must eat regular meals and cut back on the booze but it just seems to go over her head. When I call my sister in New Zealand I just get a blank response.Today I have tried some tough love and decided to give her the cold shoulder. It might sound harsh but she needs to understand what she is doing. She has been to the Dr’s countless times who after tests etc always tell her there is nothing wrong with her, which there isnt.Im really struggling with it and the guilt that losing patience brings. I just don’t know what way to approach it. I could write reams about the emotional family background but I don’t think it would help much. I think its better to deal with the facts. She has always been so single minded and stubborn but always care free.Could it be the start of dementia? I don’t think so. She seems fairly lucid most of the time and has the strength to shout at me so I think apart from the drinking she would be perfectly normal.Happy to answer any questions which might shine a better light on the situation.Thanks everyone.