Can anyone explain very simply to me how therapy is supposed to help heal childhood trauma?

[bewilderberrie]

I'm going to a kind therapist I feel comfortable with. She is very experienced in one of the issues (relinquishment trauma) I'm seeing her for and I have generally a good impression.

However, I feel like I just talk about stuff and then feel even worse when I go home again?

What am I supposed to be doing that heals myself via the therapy process? I'm not sure I'm doing it correctly. I don't get it.

I've asked her if generally it is supposed to start hurting less at some point and she said yes, the act of airing the traumatic stuff and talking about it typically does make it hurt less at some time. Also that sometimes when trauma is pre verbal it can be very tightly locked in and hard to get at - so what am I supposed to do in that case?

I think you're right to quit if you felt disgust from her. Believe me I know shame and if you feel that from.your therapist then nothing worthwhile gets done.

I've told my counsellor things that I was disgusted by myself and his only reaction has ever been compassion. If I thought he was disgusted, I'd never open up to him again.

I’m going to very gently ask ( as someone who’s had extensive therapy for abandonment, abuse etc, and for whom it’s totally changed my life) whether you are experiencing your shame about it and projecting that onto her?

I’ve been where you are and it’s awful. I used to have to sit on my hands to stop them shaking for about 4 hours afterwards and I do get how awful early therapy is. It may be that you can’t go back but I would so encourage you to send an email / call her/ gird yourself to have one more session and tell her this. Unconditional positive regard really is real - and if you aren’t feeling that, talk to her, find a new therapist, do what you need to but please believe that you deserve to be able to address your trauma and feel heard.

You are in classic flight mode.

It's worrying you have withdrawn from both therapy and your friends because you feel they must think you are disgusting. You then use that to reinforce the thought that you were right to withdraw, that is, I'm afraid, really disordered thinking.

I can understand why your DP is concerned.

Have a look at the other suggestions on here for you. I think it's important to know your limits but equally, seek out help to address this as it's clearly present in your day to day life.

Therapy is tough and it brings up all sorts. But the right sort is amazing. It really important that you tell the therapist how it's all making you feel though, and work through that.

I say this as someone who has done talking therapy, CBT and EMDR over the years. I'm still a work in progress but I'm so much better than I was.

I had a horrific childhood and was in weekly therapy with an excellent shrink for over 10 years (on the NHS). It took the right antidepressant at the right dose and about 3 years of psychotherapy before I started to notice a difference in the way I thought about things; 8 years until I began to feel better about myself. I'm still on the drugs and probably always will be but 3 years after the end of therapy I am finally becoming myself and things seem to be on an even keel.

It does work but you need to give it time, and you need a good psychiatrist. It also took me three goes to find the right one for me.

It's worrying you have withdrawn from both therapy and your friends because you feel they must think you are disgusting. You then use that to reinforce the thought that you were right to withdraw, that is, I'm afraid, really disordered thinking.

The disgusting feeling was not present before therapy. Only pain, which is kind of preferable on its own compared to pain plus feeling disgusting.

It may be disordered thinking, but the visceral disgust has already started to recede today after cancelling all further sessions and not having them looming week on week.

I don't know if it's the right or wrong decision, but it honestly feels right.

I mean, it feels a bit regrettable because I though the therapist was kind and a good support generally, and I'm frustrated to have lost that bit. But not now because I broached the really bad stuff and now it feels awful so have to retreat.

It's a catch 22 I suppose!

But it was the disgusting feeling that I think you needed to explore why/where it was coming from. You've had a flight mode reaction to it instead. (Which is very common).

Honestly, as someone who has childhood trauma, that feeling was probably always there, it's just the therapy brought it to the fore. I don't think it's going to go away that easily for you op, even though you have now withdrawn from your sessions. Now you are left with pain and disgust which you don't know what to do with.

You deserve to be happy. To be you. Please look at other kinds of therapy going forward.

I wish you all the best.

I really do feel for you but if you like this therapist, I would try going back when you're ready, when that feeling has "scabbed over" again.

There were times after a bad session when I felt like everyone could see how revolting I was (they couldn't!) and I called to postpone for a week or we talked about other stuff the following week.

There were times after a bad session when I felt like everyone could see how revolting I was (they couldn't!) and I called to postpone for a week or we talked about other stuff the following week.

Did you feel revolting to the therapist as well as other people, or was it ok for you to be in the same room or on zoom with her?

The reason I cancelled was I couldn't face seeing her or engaging in any way, it was too sharp.