Snoring is killing my family’s life

[Bex268]

A year ago I asked my husband to move out temporarily as his snoring was so bad that even downstairs he had the ability to wake the entire household. He had changed jobs to work outside and has gained excess weight over the past years - these both have had a detrimental effect on his snoring. It has never been as bad.

we have two children, one with autism and one with adhd, both terrible sleepers.

typicslly I’m up from 12 until 4 three or four times a night with children (he does help with this). However, even when the children sleep through, my husband wakes me every night, and I find it so hard to get back to sleep. I’m riddled with sleep anxiety because he is always on his back and says he’ll wear his mouth guard but never does.

ive Had to take time off work to stress because of sleep and I wear my husband is a bigger problem than the children. I’m just exhausted. It’s ruining my life.

last night the kids slept through but I was woken up every hour by snoring. Husband sleeps downstairs on sofa bed but it’s making very little difference.

he promised after coming back a year ago that he’d lose weight but he hasn’t. I think I’m done now. Another school year looms and I can’t go on so I’ve asked him to move back out again so I can sort my head out and decide what to e as a family need moving forward.

im turning into a terrible terrible wife due to no sleep. I’m an awful person. I called him fat last night as I was so angry. I am just full of awful names awful awful. He wants to stay together but I can’t.

It's not helpful to call him names but you clearly can't go on like this. What is he doing to change the situation? He could and should go to the GP.

What was the conversation around him moving back in?

Has he been seen/referred to a sleep clinic?

Snoring that bad suggests sleep apnoea which needs treating.

He needs medical advice - he might have sleep apnoea.

It really is fucking torturous to try to sleep next to a snorer. Causes a rage like no other. On top of that you're having to tend to two children in the night. It's amazing to me that your husband cannot summon up the motivation to think 'this is majorly impacting my family, maybe I should try and lose some weight'.

Echoing what others say about sleep apnea, which a medical professional can definitely help with.

We are struggling with snoring in our house too, so you have my sympathy. Lack of sleep just makes everything worse - no wonder you snapped.

Fingers crossed he sees sense and gets it sorted asap.

Can you not get some sound proofing up in a bedroom and he sleeps in there?
He should get tested for sleep apnea and try stuff in case it helps, but also just sound proof a room might be best solution as for us trying to fix him was just a lot of money for alot of dead ends.

My DH snores terribly and I sleep opposite end of (small) house in a box bedroom and we’ve sound proofed his room. We bought panels from Homebase and stuck them to the walls and door. I can hear him rumbling like a thunderstorm and that is manageable.

He has had sleep tests, no apnea. He has lost weight- that wasn’t it. He has had rhinoplasty x2 to fix deviated septums- also wasn’t why he snores. He’s had mouth guard- no effect. He’s tried breathe right strips- no effect. He’s tried medication. He’s tried certain pillows and sleeping positions- no effect.

He’s like a chainsaw mixed with an oncoming train if in the same room or no soundproofing. We used to go camping and have been asked to leave campsites due to his snoring (no joke) keeping acres of other campers awake at night.

If he has sleep apnea the first thing he'll be advised to do is lose weight. Although maybe he could get a cpap machine.

He needs to see the GP and be referred for a sleep apnea assessment. Snoring is often more than a noise nuisance and I don’t know why there isn’t more awareness of this these days. Apnea can cause serious health issues and isn’t just a noisy nuisance.

My DH had the assessment and he now has a CPAP machine at night - all I hear now is a very quiet rhythmic air flow.

OP can you sleep with white noise on, like a fan or something?

My husband sleeps separately due to snoring but I can’t hear him from my room. He is slim and has no health issues. No idea why he snores so badly.

Has he been to see the GP? He needs a sleep apnea assessment. He is also at risk of stroke from excessive snoring.
You have my sympathies

I put up with DH snoring for 10+ yrs. I've wear ear plugs, which only helped to a degree, but it was the additional health issues I was worried about. Higher risk of stroke, heart attack etc from the sleep apnoea. In the end, I filled in the epworth test and made a referral to his GP. His GP has an online booking option for an initial telephone appointment.

DH saw the specialist at the hospital, but all the testing was done at home. No requirement to physically sleep at the hospital/clinic. He'd had the machine a year now and its absolutely silent! He has lost 10kg, no longer naps in the day and we both sleep much better.

Epworth Sleepiness Scale | Asthma + Lung UK (asthmaandlung.org.uk)

I have personal experience of this. My husband was found to have sleep apnea and needs a CPAP every night.

This, my husband was this bad, right down to the waking us all up from downstairs, turns out he had severe sleep apnoea. The CPAP machine has pretty much changed all our lives. He gets good quality sleep as he only stops breathing once per hour now (down from 75) and the rest of us can sleep too. You really do have my sympathy, I remember googling 'snoring and divorce' more than once in the small hours of the morning.

A thing to try before going full CPAP is those mouthguard things that changes where your jaw sits a little, can be very effective if you have a snorer where it's the uvula/soft palette flapping. Snorewizard (it was the first one we tried, other makes are plentiful) has been a life changer round here, drops snoring to basically none. It's not super comfortable but it's better than being kicked out of the house, eh?

You don't usually just try a CPAP yourself, you'd find out what you need medically by a sleep clinic.

I’d kick him out and say he can come back once he’s been to the GP for advice and referral to sleep clinic plus can show that he has made some effort/inroads into following any advice that he is given by the GP. You could write a letter to the GP for him to take with him explaining the impact on the family that his snoring is having?
He left before but was allowed back with no effort put in on his part to sort things. He has no incentive to do anything now as there are no consequences for him!