To just have a little sad vent that I can’t have IRL?

MyWeekendSucked · 2023-08-28T06:30:29+00:00

Just spend a weekend with my friends. All of them are coupled/all partners were also there. I’m single, always been, never had any luck with men. And I thought I could take it, but jesus, I couldn’t. This weekend really showed me how alone and lonely I am. I had so many little (in secret) cries. It was just so afwul. And now I’m exhausted and just so down and depressed. That’s it, I just needed to get this out.

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 28/08/2023 07:32

Do you want to be coupled up? If so what is the issue? Have you tried dating sites?

LongLiveGoblingKing · 28/08/2023 07:33

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

Do you want to be in a couple, or do you just want to feel happy single?

pickledandpuzzled · 28/08/2023 07:38

I've had friends say they felt like you, but as time has gone on and they've seen the compromises couples make, they've appreciated their freedom. Also that after a while the couples tend to have dramas and potentially split up.

DH and I are stable now, but it's been hell getting here and I'd never do it again. Last weekend I left him sat on a bench for well over an hour because he couldn't socialise with the group we'd met, and it was my only chance in a year to catch up with some of them.

All that said, I'm sorry you had a rubbish weekend and feel so low. Perhaps worth planning different ways of meeting up in future, where it's not so starkly apparent that it's all couples.

Original poster

MyWeekendSucked · 28/08/2023 07:40

Do you want to be in a couple, or do you just want to feel happy single?

First choice would have been coupled up.
But I think I need to learn to be happy remaining single.
And I have worked on this, but it just doesn’t last.
Time goes by, and yeah, I’ll get lonely again.
I don’t know how to be happy as a lifer.

OP posts:

Valerie23 · 28/08/2023 07:43

Rather than join dating sites would you consider giving a professional match maker a go?

Original poster

MyWeekendSucked · 28/08/2023 12:29

Valerie23 · 28/08/2023 07:43

Rather than join dating sites would you consider giving a professional match maker a go?

I have no idea how these things work..

OP posts:

KillingMeWithSilence · 28/08/2023 12:36

I hear you OP, i am in the exactly the same situation. I keep hoping and trying to find someone but after the last failure I have decided single is the way it will be. Its hard, i am trying to convince myself its for the best but still have those secret cries when people arent around

I dont have any solution, just wanted you to know you arent alone, they say there is someone for everyone, and i truely hope that everyone finds their partner in life.

cardibach · 28/08/2023 12:42

It’s a shame you feel so sad and have had such a bad weekend.
being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely though - do you have hobbies? Do social things with other people where couplehood is irrelevant (eg I’m in a choir and whether you are single or not just doesn’t come up)?

PollyAmour · 28/08/2023 12:48

I second the idea of joining clubs and activities where being part of a couple isn't necessary. Choir, wild swimming, hiking/walking/rambling, climbing, surfing, reading - what do you do in life that brings you joy?

cushioncovers · 28/08/2023 12:49

I hear you op I'm trying to make my peace with remaining single for the rest of my life, been single for 13 years now since my divorce and have had very little success with online dating, I feel incredibly sad and lonely at times I also cry because I feel there is such a lot I'm missing out on. If I'm honest it's the physical intimacy that I miss the most as I own my own home and work so I don't need anyone as such. Why is it when your single it seems like the whole world is set up for couples and families.

Original poster

MyWeekendSucked · 28/08/2023 12:56

@KillingMeWithSilence
Thank you for your post.
Not that I wish this on anyone, but it’s ’good’ (hope you know what I mean by that) to know that I’m not the only one.
It just adds another level of shame, you know.
I hope you meet someone one day.
💐

@cardibach
Yes, I have hobbies and social life that’s not centered around couples.

I hope this doesn’t come off as snippy, but just years and years and year after year - loneliness is devastating.

I know on MN has an odd view on relationships/being single (we must be strong independent, relationships are shot anyway), specially if a single woman would like a relationship, but I don’t think people can understand if they haven’t expirienced this.

Half way writing I realized that I’m not really even talking to you, so ignore it please.
I just don’t like the attitude that single people can’t be sad about it or lonely.

OP posts:

Original poster

MyWeekendSucked · 28/08/2023 12:57

Why is it when your single it seems like the whole world is set up for couples and families.

Because it is!
But one has to be single (for long time) to see it.

OP posts:

JogginAintGinnaHappen · 28/08/2023 12:58

If they were all PDAs it would annoy me but otherwise who knows what goes on behind closed doors. One of them could have had a massive row about a towel on the floor for all you know. If you hate being in couple company don't go out with them

Truthlikeness · 28/08/2023 13:03

How old are you OP? I've come to terms with being single and it got a lot easier in my forties. I'm now not entirely sure I could be in a relationship. I value my freedom and the (relative) simplicity of a single life.

cardibach · 28/08/2023 13:14

MyWeekendSucked · 28/08/2023 12:56

@KillingMeWithSilence
Thank you for your post.
Not that I wish this on anyone, but it’s ’good’ (hope you know what I mean by that) to know that I’m not the only one.
It just adds another level of shame, you know.
I hope you meet someone one day.
💐

@cardibach
Yes, I have hobbies and social life that’s not centered around couples.

I hope this doesn’t come off as snippy, but just years and years and year after year - loneliness is devastating.

I know on MN has an odd view on relationships/being single (we must be strong independent, relationships are shot anyway), specially if a single woman would like a relationship, but I don’t think people can understand if they haven’t expirienced this.

Half way writing I realized that I’m not really even talking to you, so ignore it please.
I just don’t like the attitude that single people can’t be sad about it or lonely.

Of course you can feel sad or lonely sometimes. For what it’s worth I’ve been single for over quarter of a century. I can assure you I’m not ‘being strong’. I’m just being happy. I’m not looking to be a couple. I genuinely enjoy my life. Yes, I’m lonely sometimes but I was when in was in a couple too.
I’m sorry you are so unhappy. I can’t think of any way to help.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 28/08/2023 13:21

I know how you feel. I was in a friendship group with a few couples and another single lady. They always joked we were a couple! We'd have meals with the group and sometimes I'd meet the single lady on her own for a catch up over a drink.

The other lady found a new man. I kind of got shoved out of the friendship group as they kept saying it was a couples thing and they didn't want me to feel awkward being on my own. I didn't feel awkward and would have still enjoyed the company.

Then covid happened and I was shielding for health reasons and I just kind of drifted out of touch with them all.

I've tried online dating but not really had much success. It's bank holiday today. My children have gone out with their friends and I'm sitting on my own feeling sorry for myself.

itsmylife7 · 28/08/2023 13:23

Vent away OP. 💐

Tomatina · 28/08/2023 13:34

I don't know anything about you or how old you are but it sounds like you want to be in a relationship. It also sounds like you have given up too soon. Many people don't meet their life partner until they are 30, 40, 50 and beyond. And the world is full of men! I'm 100 per cent sure there are thousands of men who would like to meet you, but you need to put yourself out there, be open to new people, join dating sites, and don't expect miracles straight away - if you have a half hour drink with someone and it's clearly a non starter, so what, you've lost half an hour. Move on to the next date and enjoy the process.

KimberleyClark · 28/08/2023 13:37

Must have been hard, and I do sympathise but remember all partners will have been on their best behaviour for the weekend and you saw the best of them.

Smallfry79 · 28/08/2023 14:08

Hi I fully understand how you feel.
I am in my 40s with two children, a full time job, lots of friends etc and still feel lonely sometimes. I tried online dating but where I live there aren't many eligible single men its quite rural.

I know people mean well when they mention hobbies, building a life etc but the thing is I have lots going on, Id find it hard to fit in a man but I still wish I had a partner, someone to look out for me (i am capable id just like someone else to really care and to occasionally lean on).
Obviously the more you get out the more likely to meet someone so there is that benefit but its often put out there as an alternative or a way to fulfil a single life.

And I know this wont go down well and life isnt that simple but all this Being in a couple is hard, Its difficult to be in a couple and involves sacrifice etc really winds me up. If being in a couple is that bad then leave him! Its much easier choose to be single than choose to be in a relationship. To be in a relationship you need another consenting willing appropriate partner, to be single you can decide unilaterally to dump him.
And yes i know, kids, money etc all come into it but single people can have kids rent etc too.

Sorry I am no help but while from the outside im very independent, content, busy etc I do get the lonliness and desire to have a partner, your person etc.
Its not even for the big things either. There are a thousand small ways/things id prefer to have a partner and best friend for.

People you are in long term relationships and have never spent prolonged times single simply cant understand this as they have no lived experience or haven't been single since early 20s

So no help but you are not alone and not unreasonable in how you feel