To sleep train my 4 month old?

[Livingoncaffeine]

I’m at my wits end with my 4mo DS. He used to sleep great, only waking a couple of times a night, until about two or three weeks ago. Now he wakes 7 or 8 times a night, the only thing that will stop him screaming the house down is breastfeeding. He’s been on my boob basically since 4am this morning, despite waking constantly before that.

I know it’s the four month sleep regression but I can’t handle much more of this. DS1 went through the same thing and didn’t sleep for more than two hours until I stopped breastfeeding.

I’ve been trying to follow a routine as much as I can with a toddler around, making sure he gets plenty of day sleep, and where possible I try not to feed him to sleep so he doesn’t become reliant on it but in the night he will literally scream hysterically until I feed him.

I’ve tried giving him a bottle before bed, no difference.

Is 4 months old too young to sleep train? Does anyone have any advice on how to do this. Or do I really need to just wait it out.

I’ve been resorting to letting him sleep on his front for occasional stints recently because that’s the way he’ll settle best, but I know it’s not ideal so I’d rather do something that is safer.

Have also been drinking far too much coffee to try to get through this so sadly need to cut back on that to see if it makes a difference.

TLDR - my 4mo is broken and won’t sleep. Is he too young to sleep train?

Yes exactly that @riotlady, the risk of SIDS. He can just about roll but not at a level that I’d feel comfortable with.

@PurpleChrayne co-sleeping makes zero difference, he wakes just as much and I’ve never really got the hang of being able to just let the baby latch on and off in the night. If anything I sleep worse Co sleeping because the sleep I do get is really uncomfortable and I’m in a really light sleep as hyper aware of him. I’m not sure I mentioned leaving him to scream?

@GRex no he’s not putting himself on his tummy. I put him that way to get him to sleep as that’s how he settles best, then roll him onto his back when he’s fully asleep

I reached out to a sleep consultant when my daughter was 4 months because she was waking every 20/30/45 mins and jr was just brutal so I feel you- its so hard. She said they don't recommend sleep training as it's a developmental stage so basically pointless. She said if I got the 6 months and it was still happening to contact her.

It didn't last too long and then we were on to one wake up a night then quickly followed by sleeping through and she's been great every since (20 months now)

It IS brutal but it will pass (soon I hope)xx

@faban that’s good to know. I think I left it too late with DS1 and now doing the opposite and considering it too early with DS2. I think because I know how tortuous it can be. Glad it passed fairly quickly for you.

Oh I also just BF when ever she woke- it was the easiest and quickest way to get her back to sleep.

It didn't make any impact on her falling asleep on her own a few months later. It's just what she needed at the time

We used this lady, and she had a free guide on self settling: www.lavenderbluesleepconsulting.com/free-guide

We trained at 6m which was the same time as moving here to her own room. To be honest in terms of sleeping through the night I think having her own space made a whole lot of difference. There's a lot about the sleep environment that changes things too.

Before that I could only breastfeed her to sleep, she wouldn't settle for anyone else and I was having to go back on medication that would immediately stop milk supply so we had to do something. We did the chair method. Yes there was some crying as it was a big change for her but I was there to pat her on the back, give her cuddles etc. CIO is not the only sleep training method. The lady we worked with does not do cry it out.
The result of it was a much happier baby, I was back to being healthy having gone back on my meds, and hubby was happier as he was more able to be involved.
She still cries occasionally in the night and we get up but there's usually a reason such as illness (ie she still wakes us when she needs us).

I’m surprised you have had two like this. Does he get the caffeine in your milk? You could FF as well.

Im always aware that mums try and get Dc to bed really early. We went for late nights (9-10) and DDs slept through very early. Around 8-10 weeks. We were happy to keep 2nd away from first whilst she settled so DD1 got her sleep. Plus didn’t want hours of sleep in the day. The only issue I eventually found was the school run in the car. DD2 always slept! That messed up bedtime. However we decided not to have rigid bedtimes and get 6 hours plus sleep.

Forgot: last feed around 11. Next feed at around 5. They were BF.

OP you have my every sympathy, I remember the 4 month sleep regression very well and it was honestly awful. Having said that YABU, you can't sleep train a 4 month old, remember the phrase 'this too shall pass'.

@QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat I think where I’m struggling is I know the ‘phase’ for DS1 lasted seven / eight months. I know deep down IABU to consider sleep training him this early…. But I do think I need to consider it earlier than I did with my first, and try to keep up good sleep hygiene habits we’ve started around routines, naps etc.

@TizerorFizz It’s only really been like this for DS2 for a couple of weeks so I’m prettying that it’s just short lived compared to my first. He certainly naps better and before this slept a lot better than he ever did. But yes, I do try to stick to the recommended intake of caffeine, but I am thinking of going cold Turkey to see if that helps. Easier said than done when so tired though.

Yes. I can see it’s difficult. I would definitely stay up much later if you can though. Start bed routine much later.

Ok, so he goes to sleep, you move him and then you wonder why he's waking up, repeat* 7 or 8 per night? Babies love consistency with how they went to sleep, moving him around all night long is just madness. Put him to sleep on his back or his side if he can't roll, then you won't have to move him. You should try loads of tummy time to get him rolling too, it's an important skill and babies sleep better when they move a bit.

@GRex you’re very pedantic aren’t you. I don’t do this every single time, I just do it sometimes to help settle him and try to break the feed to sleep association, as is recommended by lots of sleep experts. Or in the middle of the night when I’m desperate for sleep and he wakes up every single time I put him on his back. He does plenty of tummy time and can roll from tummy to back and is almost there with back to front. Even if he couldn’t, it wouldn’t be my fault, babies develop at different rates. Stop being so bloody judgemental

@GRex If you’re such the perfect parent, you wouldn’t have risked leaving your baby to sleep on their side each night, massively increasing the risk of SIDS. My whole point of the post was that either increasing risk of SIDS or sleep training seem to be the options if I want more sleep.

@TizerorFizz I would rather him stay up later as I’m a night owl myself but he’s started hysterically crying if he’s up any later than 8pm, even with a late nap. Going to keep trying to persevere with some sort of nap schedule that works for us both and see how we go.

I slept trained early with a sleep consultant and she worked magic with us - not too much crying, in the room stroking him next to his crib for nights 1-3. He slept through on night 3. PM if you'd like her details!

He’s got a magic clock then! What makes him stop crying? Has he got colic? That’s an evening issue. DD2 had it for months.

He wakes up crying anyway with en earlier bed time so not sure anything works right now. I’d rather get through the crying in my lounge! We let DC sleep when they wanted to in the day and had no set pattern for naps. DD 1 virtually never had a morning nap. She was too interested in her surroundings. Other dc were trained to have a nap at 11 so their mums left gatherings because their babies must nap at a given time. I went with the baby flow a bit more. Anything for an easier life.

@TizerorFizz I did think maybe colic because literally nothing stops him crying when he’s like that and it’s proper hysterical screaming. But since he’s been having an earlier bedtime we seem to bypass the screaming. When he wakes he cries but for a quick feed then back to sleep (most of the time).

His morning nap is definitely his fave, he can’t stay awake more than 90 mins after waking in the morning. But I’m guessing that’s because he’s woke up so much at night. I’ve been trying to go off wake windows which is working in the day but obviously not at night 🙈

FWIW my eldest went to bed later than this at this age and also woke regularly. He also had more structured naps. So I think maybe every baby is different, apart from I just have two rubbish night sleepers from four months!

@toodledo thank you, I may well do. I think I’m going to reassess at five months!

It's so so hard - my DS did this for 9 weeks. As other PPs have said you cannot sleep train a 4 month old, it's developmental, so you have to just power through which is easier said than done! What helped us was co-sleeping safely (DH slept elsewhere, no blankets etc) and feeding him to sleep sort of on his side against a rolled up blanket. Then every time he woke (every 45-60 mins throughout the night) I would just unclip and feed him and after a couple of weeks I was barely even waking for it and felt pretty refreshed in the morning. I also went to bed with him at 7,30ish every night and didn't get up for the morning until after 7am and that also helped regulate his sleeping patterns. Then at 6 months, he suddenly started sitting up and since then (now almost 10m) he v consistently sleeps for 3-6 hours at a time, so 2-4 wakes per night, which is sooo manageable compared to before! I think sleep training probably works better after 6 months (we never did it but trust me I researched a LOT!) because they're developmentally more ready, but one thing I read (someone quoting a study rather than me actually reading the study IYSWIM, so take with a pinch of salt) was that a study of 2 year olds showed no difference in night wakes between ST babies and non ST babies - meaning some babies just are bad sleepers whatever you do!

@bravotango thank you, that’s really reassuring and just what I needed to read this morning. Last night was the first night I sort of managed to sleep while he was feeding and it definitely helped, even though actual night wakes / feedings were the same. I do really need to start going to bed when he does but it’s so difficult to force myself to as that’s also when my toddler goes to bed so when I finally get some peace. I think I am going to make an effort to this week though even if it’s not every night!

If you can get some earphones that are comfy whilst lying down then you could listen to/watch something in the first couple of hours that you're in bed with him! I caught up on lots of Netflix in those hours

@Livingoncaffeine My DD had colic on cue. Around 7. Gone at 9 and ready to settle. Then slept well. Have you tried taking him in out in the car? Yup. I know. Might not work but could. DH marched around the garden with DD as well so I could settle DD1. Never found colic meds worked but you could try it. Nothing much to lose really.

@TizerorFizz well we were out tonight so he didn’t go to sleep until almost 9.30pm so let’s see if it makes any difference, I really hope so!

@Livingoncaffeine You never know. Fingers crossed!