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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for reassurance

11 replies

Ridiculousme · 27/08/2023 21:14

Blatantly posting for traffic. NC for this to protect privacy. My daughters best friends Dad went into Cardiac arrest a week ago, due to a heart attack involving 3 blocked arteries. The older brother witnessed his collapse at midnight last Monday, and performed CPR. It was only 30 minutes between him calling an ambulance and getting into PPCI and had been brought back by the paramedics. He was sedated, and every time they’ve tried to wake him up his blood pressure has gone sky high and they’ve had to put him under again. A CT scan didn’t show anything worrying from the lack of oxygen, and he had begun responding and opening his eyes.

Today they put him on a ventilator, he has a lung infection. My DD’s friend is confiding everything, which is fine. The thing that makes this even more awful is they lost the mum to secondary bc a couple of years ago 😞. My heart is breaking for them, and I am petrified he’s not going to make it. I know the stats for out of hospital cardiac arrests, and my mind is going crazy thinking of this family going through this.

Of relevance is that DD is very close to her friend, pretty much over-reliant if I’m honest. My DD has severe anxiety and me and this girl are her world. Added to this is the fact that I had a heart attack in 2019 and it feels horrifically close. I had 10 minutes of the same pains as before, and I was too scared to tell anyone because of what it might do to my daughter.

I’m fucking petrified for all of us. Be kind and help me calm down please 😕🙁😖

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Ridiculousme · 27/08/2023 21:23

Don’t,et me drop off the page ☹️

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Ridiculousme · 27/08/2023 21:52

Anyone, please, I really struggling

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SwingingGentlyUnderTheMoon · 27/08/2023 21:54

No advice, but bumping this for you.

How old are your daughter and her friend?

talkitup · 27/08/2023 21:56

Of course you're petrified. The fragility of life is very close atm. Two different things here; obviously, foremost is being there to support your DD's friend and the likely anxieties your DD is feeling too. Secondly, it might be a good idea to arrange an ECG for you and see your GP about what you felt in light of your own MI. If it turns out that physically you are looking ok, then maybe consider (maybe anyway) talking to a therapist/counsellor about the anxiety that's affecting you. Or there are loads of podcasts on selfhelp for anxiety x

JudgeRudy · 27/08/2023 22:04

I think this is a case where if someone asks if you're all OK you say No....but I shall be.
And you shall, even if the worst happens. I know its a cliche but we are stronger than we think. Of course I hope the outcome will be good.
In the meantime your body and mind will be in a state of fight or flight. Fighting is futile and you can't flee so stick to what you know. Keep everyone fed and offer to do a wash load. Be kind to yourself too so if you don't hoover, or you buy pre chopped veg on a tray let it go. If possible connect with one of gheir family members so eg grandma. Remember too that siblings will cling together so include both children.
When this is over you can start thinking about the next step but atm you just need to get through this....and you will.
Don't lie to the children though, be as honest as you dare but explain that sometimes things don't work out well.
You're a kind person. Sending my love 💓

Ridiculousme · 27/08/2023 22:07

Thanks both. My DD and her friend are both 17, to the day! They were born in the same hospital 2 hours apart (we didn’t know each other) and her mu had the same name as me.

It just doesn’t feel fair for this to happen on top of the mum dying.

I feel partially to blame for my daughter’s anxiety - they were home the night I had my heart attack, and this was on the back of the previous year being in a massive earthquake. I’m torn between being so sad for this family and shitting myself I will do it to mine.

An ecg is only useful if I am actually having a heart attack. I’ve had a recent angiogram that showed nothing of concern, so I’m sure it’s just the stress of all of this.

thank you again, there’s no one I can talk to because I don’t want to scare anyone.

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venusandmars · 27/08/2023 22:18

Is there anyone you can talk to without scaring them? Someone you can call and chat to?

Ridiculousme · 27/08/2023 22:33

I don’t think so. Anything official will say ‘call 999’ (to be clear, this was a 10 minute episode about 8am today) and no one who knows me is able to move past fear and…

I knew when I needed an ambulance before, despite not being chest clutching grey sweaty etc. But the pains were quite concerning this morning. I honestly think I’m just scaring myself.

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SwingingGentlyUnderTheMoon · 27/08/2023 22:38

You should probably talk to a medical professional tomorrow if possible just in case.

If there is anything wrong, better to know about it and deal with it. You don’t need to mention anything to your daughter if it’s just a false alarm.

Mummyof287 · 27/08/2023 22:39

Sounds like you definitely need to get checked out medically, as it sounds like you're worried about the pains!
Hope your daughter's friends dad is OK...life is so cruel to some kids :(

Ridiculousme · 29/08/2023 22:33

They have had to put him on a ventilator now as he’s developed a chest infection. Quite common post cardiac arrest apparently. Still feeling so consumed no petrified by it all 🙁

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