Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Husband getting date wrong

18 replies

rc22 · 27/08/2023 20:55

DH and I are quite friendly with someone I work with and her DH. We often do things socially with them. We had arranged a little while ago to go out for a meal with them next Saturday. She text me yesterday to check that we were still OK to go, I checked with DH , he said it was fine so I confirmed with her.

A few weeks ago, DH had told me that we had been invited to a gathering on Sunday evening with some people he knows through his hobby. I said that I would love to go and it would be nice to meet these people.

Anyway, today he went to do his hobby and came home and said he had got the day wrong. This gathering is on Saturday. I said that we would be unable to go as we already have plans. He said that he understands I'll feel awkward cancelling but that this it what we should do because we see this couple regularly and this gathering is a one off. I've asked why I should be put in a position of cancelling and feeling awkward because of his mistake. He announced that it doesn't matter because he's definitely going to the gathering. I contacted my friend and said that DH would no longer be coming but that if her and her DH were happy to go with just me, I would still love to go for a meal with them. They're fine with that. As far as I'm concerned that's an end to it. Next Saturday I'll do my thing and he can do his. He's gone ballistic though and says that I am selfish, childish and a people pleaser that puts everyone else before him. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

YourNameGoesHere · 27/08/2023 20:58

I wouldn't be able to stop myself asking him how are you childish and yet him throwing an actual temper tantrum is not childish?

Well done on you for sticking to your existing plans, he's a colossal twat and deserves to be told so.

cruffinsmuffin · 27/08/2023 21:00

Sounds fine to me - he's still going to do his one off hobby gathering with his friends and you're still off out for your meal with friend + their DH?

You're not a selfish childish people pleaser 😂 the only person you're putting first is you, and not amending your plans because of his incapability to get the date right.

Why should you cancel a meal out and go to his hobby gathering because he can't get a date right? Surely he's being selfish and childish to even suggest that!

pizzaHeart · 27/08/2023 21:13

It was his mistake so he should have cancelled his gathering.
He’s got off very lightly imo with your solution. And his reaction is another issue as well.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/08/2023 21:19

Well I wouldn't have made the same choice as you, I'd have told friend's DH had made a mistake and could we pls reschedule as this was a one off event.

But he's shown himself to be a total dick by throwing a tantrum so I wouldn't be fixing it

Scylax · 27/08/2023 22:10

It sounds to me like you came up with a sensible compromise! He can explain to his friends that due to a mistake he made you already had plans, and you can meet them another time.

Daphnis156 · 27/08/2023 22:12

What a Prima Donna he is!

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 27/08/2023 22:16

SleepingStandingUp · 27/08/2023 21:19

Well I wouldn't have made the same choice as you, I'd have told friend's DH had made a mistake and could we pls reschedule as this was a one off event.

But he's shown himself to be a total dick by throwing a tantrum so I wouldn't be fixing it

I came to say the same thing.

Laurenjessicax · 27/08/2023 23:17

I think what you decided is fine. Personally I wouldn't cancel on my friends to go to a gathering of my partners friends who I'd not met before. Obviously you'd be happy to go to the gathering with your partner had you not got prior arrangements.

MasterBeth · 27/08/2023 23:24

Your husband is being a massive dick and you are being quite the minor dick, too.

It’s much easier to rearrange a night with a couple of good friends who you see a lot than a one-off evening with lots of new acquaintances. I would support my partner in going to his thing and I think you’re being unreasonable not doing that.

He has then reacted like a big baby, though, so maybe there is more friction in your relationship than you’re letting on.

MasterBeth · 27/08/2023 23:26

cruffinsmuffin · 27/08/2023 21:00

Sounds fine to me - he's still going to do his one off hobby gathering with his friends and you're still off out for your meal with friend + their DH?

You're not a selfish childish people pleaser 😂 the only person you're putting first is you, and not amending your plans because of his incapability to get the date right.

Why should you cancel a meal out and go to his hobby gathering because he can't get a date right? Surely he's being selfish and childish to even suggest that!

Because we all make mistakes and no-one’s asking anyone to cancel, just postpone.

Original poster

rc22 · 28/08/2023 00:38

@MasterBeth there is friction in that it's quite common for him to be disorganised and expect me and others to change plans/pick up pieces to accommodate him. Regularly ending up on wrong trains/missing trains and me driving long distances to collect him. Often not ordering repeat prescriptions in time then needing medication urgently when he can't make it to the chemists and calling me to go. Got other dates wrong so I've turned down invitations thinking we're going somewhere together but then finding out I could have gone elsewhere anyway. Countless lost phones, keys, debit cards and credit cards. So, it does feel like the latest in a long line of him making a mistake and me sorting it out for him.
Also, a massive problem with time keeping so there is already something of a strain on the friendship with the friend and her DH because of all the times they have patiently and graciously spent waiting for us to arrive which made me feel that to cancel might be the last straw for them.
He's always been disorganised so I can't say I didn't know what I was getting and to some extent it's just how he is but I think there's also an element of control in there.

OP posts:

guiltyfeethavegotnorythym · 28/08/2023 00:45

My son is like this and has difficulty organising his life even as an adult , but he has Autisim .

Topseyt123 · 28/08/2023 01:58

Your solution was perfectly reasonable.

He sounds like a massively disorganised arse and if I were you I would stop running around collecting him when he has got the wrong train, missed the train etc. Just stop.

A forgotten repeat prescription I would collect as a one off but the rest you don't need to do at all. He is allegedly a grown man, so why the hell is he incapable of ensuring he even gets on the right train?

It's him who is the childish one with his stupid stropping. Probably because he knows it will make him look like the disorganised and inadequate twat that he is in front of his friends.

Hibiscrubbed · 28/08/2023 06:34

His conduct since he fucked up is totally unacceptable. Does he recognise his patterns of behaviour?

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 28/08/2023 06:42

Good for you for no longer pandering to his behaviour, hopefully you will also stop picking up the pieces with regard to his other stuff ups. He will have no incentive to change unless he's the one dealing with the consequences.

So if he's running late, leave without him and he can catch a taxi/drive himself and get there late, and everyone needs to start the activity with out him (be it leak, movie, whatever), don't drive to train stations to get him, again, he can catch a taxi.

But you need to make sure he has his own personal spending account so that the family's finances aren't impacted by his ridiculous behaviour.

Shoxfordian · 28/08/2023 06:52

He sounds like a dick; you should do the thing you agreed to first always- no exceptions aside from funerals or genuine emergencies.

LizHoney · 28/08/2023 07:09

SleepingStandingUp · 27/08/2023 21:19

Well I wouldn't have made the same choice as you, I'd have told friend's DH had made a mistake and could we pls reschedule as this was a one off event.

But he's shown himself to be a total dick by throwing a tantrum so I wouldn't be fixing it

Yes this

rainyskylight · 28/08/2023 07:13

Agree with @SleepingStandingUp but it would be a lot easier to do this if the DH hasn’t had such an attitude about the whole thing.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread