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AIBU?

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Original poster

Omg -fat shamed by 3yo

65 replies

unsuresue2 · 27/08/2023 20:16

At my young son football match, supporting from the sidelines - standing at a fence- another mum's little 3 or 4 year old girl comes up to me as innocent as can be and says "have you a baby in your tummy"
As lovely as it would be for a pregnant person- I'm just fat, and since I have had my 3 kids (14, 12, 9) have a tummy at the same position as my bust!
Can't ever bring myself to be annoyed with the beautiful little girl- big wide eyes and blonde curls - such a sweetie - an am on a weight loss journey- currently paying £300 for Oxempic for 4 weeks- so know I need to loose up to 2 stone
My body shape has always been a fat tummy
But I am annoyed and embarrassed by what is very obviously visible to everyone and only the innocent children doesn't have the filter to hide

OP posts:
GCautist · 27/08/2023 21:21

I dont think you were fat shamed. The child spoke her truth. You admit you've got a fat tummy. Your internal fat phobia was your problem.

I find this idea we have to pretend we're not fat and others aren't fat when its visibly obvious, strange. That's not to say you go around calling people fat but we need to stop pretending.

I also dont believe fat is all bad or that all fat people are unhealthy or unfit.

What you experienced was an unfiltered child who hasn't learned the subtleties of manners and at that age, you'll know from your own kids that happens and its a good opportunity for the parents to explain about manners and not saying things that may upset others.

I know my pov is probably different to everyone else.

Awaitingdiagnosis · 27/08/2023 21:22

My 3 year old today:

  • your legs spiky!
  • why you have no Willy? My sad for you.
  • daddy is cooler
  • you not grower taller yet?!
fml.
BarbaraVineFan · 27/08/2023 21:22

I feel your pain OP! My dad has a Buddha ornament in his house. My almost 4 year old DD looked at it today and said 'look at that man, mummy! He has boobies and a big fat tummy like yours!'

Bootsandbooks · 27/08/2023 21:23

Why are you annoyed and embarrassed? You don’t seem to be in denial about your size, so why did it upset you? Being fat isn’t some sort of moral failure or a reflection of your character. You maybe ought to think about why you’ve reacted like this and why you feel ashamed?

Bootsandbooks · 27/08/2023 21:23

@GCautist well said!

willWillSmithsmith · 27/08/2023 21:28

My son said this when he was about the same age, pointed right at their stomach and said ‘that man’s got a baby in his tummy’. Eek

IhearyouClemFandango · 27/08/2023 21:37

GCautist · 27/08/2023 21:21

I dont think you were fat shamed. The child spoke her truth. You admit you've got a fat tummy. Your internal fat phobia was your problem.

I find this idea we have to pretend we're not fat and others aren't fat when its visibly obvious, strange. That's not to say you go around calling people fat but we need to stop pretending.

I also dont believe fat is all bad or that all fat people are unhealthy or unfit.

What you experienced was an unfiltered child who hasn't learned the subtleties of manners and at that age, you'll know from your own kids that happens and its a good opportunity for the parents to explain about manners and not saying things that may upset others.

I know my pov is probably different to everyone else.

I agree.

mummybear247 · 27/08/2023 21:41

Oh I wouldn't worry op some of the things my dd and other kids at the park say to me why have u got a big bum and yes it's true my bum is big and I hate it but as I say some people pay good money to have a big bum and I didn't have to .... x

radiantorange · 27/08/2023 21:42

I share a name with a fat character from a popular animated series… you are not told it’s name but my husband was curious and it happens to have the same name as me. He told me and my 5 year old and now every time it’s on TV (it’s one of his favourites) he says ‘look there’s such and such, just like you mum, and fat too!’ 💀

StepAwayFromGoogling · 27/08/2023 21:45

DD(5): Feel my big muscles, mummy! (flexing her arm)
Me: Oh, they are very big! - Feel my big muscles, DD (flexing my arm)
DD (in fits of laughter): That's not muscles, mummy, that's fat

You are not alone, OP.

Springbaby2023 · 27/08/2023 21:46

My 3yo asked everyone if they had a baby in their tummy when I was pregnant

Winnipeggy · 27/08/2023 21:47

Flickersy · 27/08/2023 20:32

That isn't "fat-shaming".

That's just a little girl who doesn't yet understand the complexities of social mores.

If you think it's shaming, that's on you.

Yeah I don't think OP was actually accusing her of anything malicious 🙄

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/08/2023 21:48

unsuresue2 · 27/08/2023 20:16

At my young son football match, supporting from the sidelines - standing at a fence- another mum's little 3 or 4 year old girl comes up to me as innocent as can be and says "have you a baby in your tummy"
As lovely as it would be for a pregnant person- I'm just fat, and since I have had my 3 kids (14, 12, 9) have a tummy at the same position as my bust!
Can't ever bring myself to be annoyed with the beautiful little girl- big wide eyes and blonde curls - such a sweetie - an am on a weight loss journey- currently paying £300 for Oxempic for 4 weeks- so know I need to loose up to 2 stone
My body shape has always been a fat tummy
But I am annoyed and embarrassed by what is very obviously visible to everyone and only the innocent children doesn't have the filter to hide

I've been asked that by a three year old when I was a size 10 and 24 year old - they have usually just learned about babies so go excitedly looking for ladies tummies. Don't lose sleep over it.

If you want to lose weight though follow diebetes Uk recommended diet- I lost 10kg from it

Codependantnomore · 27/08/2023 21:49

Kids say what they see. It’s as simple as that.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/08/2023 21:49

Springbaby2023 · 27/08/2023 21:46

My 3yo asked everyone if they had a baby in their tummy when I was pregnant

Yup - they are just excited to think about babies in tummies

YouAreBeingUnbearable · 27/08/2023 21:55

That is your perfect opportunity to say “no, I’m not - this is just the way my body looks. Everyone is different!”
It’s really not fat-shaming coming from a small child. She’s only just leaning basic social cues and you could have helped her out!

Original poster
unsuresue2 · 27/08/2023 22:00

Some of the similar experiences made me laugh- som of the fat sensibility made me wonder
Sorry folks - was going through a particularly prickly experience
I need to woman up a bit I think!
I love this platform for all manner of responses- ie catch yourself on, or look at yourself
To

Lovely 😊 innocent little girl- how lovely
Thanks again

OP posts:
WhatAboutMyIcecream · 27/08/2023 22:11

I got ‘mummy why is your tummy still SO FAT!?’ from my 3 year old when his baby sister was 2 days old. Absolutely brutal 😂

mymeatballsmymeatballs · 27/08/2023 22:12

My son tells me I've got a big tummy every time I get changed in front of him. He's nearly 5. I just reply "oh I know" 🤷‍♀️ they're just kids!

JoeLovesGina · 27/08/2023 22:13

My DD aged 4 said very loudly "look at that great big fat lady putting out her rubbish Mummy". It was my neighbour and she definitely heard.

Nagado · 27/08/2023 22:14

I had that with my niece when she was that age and I was looking after her overnight while her mum was in labour with dn2.

She would not go to sleep and at 3am, poked me in the stomach and asked me if I would be having a baby too. Making me laugh was the only thing that stopped me from dropping her off outside the labour ward so I could get some sleep.

BogRollBOGOF · 27/08/2023 22:40

My then 4yo fell for it when my friend joked that she had a baby in her tummy because she'd eaten it 😂

My DCs left me with a very wobbly overhang after they were born. They're older children now, but they still love the feel of it and jiggling it if I let them. It's a nice, soft comfort thing to them. It's not my favourite body feature, but it's kind of sweet that they don't see it that way and it's just a squishy, soft bit of mummy to them. I like the way they see it like that rather than the usual way society sees it as a flaw.

MightyFishwife · 27/08/2023 22:43

My then 6yo told her new tutor she looked like Miss Trunchbull. Kids can be brutal 😳😬

Southlondoner88 · 27/08/2023 22:50

I’m a nanny and have been asked if I’m pregnant several times by kids even older than this. I’m a size 10. Also, twice in my life have been offered a seat by women staring at my stomach and
i was way slimmer back then. Must be the way I stand or something, who knows?
anyway, please try not take this personally even though it’s hard, children are curious and just say what they see or think they see.

ClinkyWotsit · 27/08/2023 22:51

Not a child but I was sat on a flippy-down seat on the train last week when a lady got on with her non-folding bike and told me, quite abruptly, to move so she could store her bike there. Lots of other seats so I got up, only to have the man standing opposite take umbrage and point out to her that she shouldn’t have a bike on the train to start with (restricted times) before adding “not to MENTION that you’ve made a pregnant lady give up her seat!”. I looked around for said pregnant lady before I realised he meant me. She apologised and made me sit down again so I spent 3 stops staring woefully at my “bump” which is really just fat with a bit of diastasis recti thrown in for good measure.