Can anyone else literally not imagine what it's like to have a dad? Or other relationship?

[wellthatsfuckedup]

This is so weird to me. But I just cannot imagine a parental relationship with a male figure? Obviously the reason for this is I never really knew my own father, met him in my teens and he wasn't nice etc.

I have some very nice men in my family, like older cousins, but never ever experienced anything paternal as they were more like friends. So it's not that I think all men are awful or whatever.

But my brain literally cannot imagine what it is like to have a paternal relationship with a dad, or a dad-like figure like a step father or grandfather? It just seems so bizarre to me, I can't understand it!

It's weird because I don't have a child of my own either - but I can very easily imagine what that is like. I can picture myself with a baby or child or young adult child and imagine feeling overwhelming love and drive to give them a good life, plus worrying about their wellbeing, wanting to protect them etc. So, I'm not saying I know what it is to be a mother, but I can have a go at imagining other relationships.

Anyone else similar?

I meant to add to my earlier post that as an only child I can't imagine what it would be like to have siblings.

I'm an only. Cannot begin to imagine what it is like having siblings.

Both my grandfathers died before I was born. I do feel like I’ve missed out.

I am an only child, but have half siblings that I rarely see. I wonder what a full sibling would be like.

Never met mine, my DM wasn't 100% certain who he was.

It wasn't until I had my DC and saw how DH is with them that I suddenly realised "oh that's what they're for!!"

I had 2 parents but no siblings and almost no contact with aunts/uncles and cousins. No grandfathers I can remember and no grandmothers beyond my mid teens.

My parents were emotionally abusive.

So I have zero role models for how families work.

I can't imagine going to family for help.

If I was hungry/ill/homeless it's up to me to sort myself out.

Normal people just don't understand what it's like not to have a safety net.

I lost my dad in my early 20's. I am always amazed that I have friends with fathers who still help and support them ( 40's). I also lost both grandfather's at a very young age so no concept of having a grandad or set of grandparents. My children don't have this also.
It does make me sad seeing a grandparent set doting on grandchildren especially when I see them picking up the children at school.
I can't understand the aunt/ uncle bit either as didn't have close links.

I grew up with a ‘normal family’ but it was very ‘hands off’, perhaps benign neglect ( though it didn’t feel very benign, being on the receiving end). I got my understanding of family interactions from tv. I couldn’t comprehend someone being on your side, looking out for you, having your back, etc, or even just being interested.

when I split up with my first major boyfriend, whilst it was the right decision, I was very aware of a removed safety net.

my upbringing did make me very self sufficient and a bit obsessed with being financially independent, which I see as a good thing.(not the benign neglect though, that was awful.)

I know what you mean.

I've never had a father, sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin or grandparents in my life.

No idea what that would be like.

Christmas is obviously very quiet and I find the threads here full of family drama really fascinating to read.

There are many people who grow up with only mum in their household, no dad and no step-dad. Statistics suggest most common with white working class families and those of afro-Caribbean heritage.

The comments here are no surprise. In my case my dad was the sole male relative either alive or having any part in my life (uncles abroad, grandfathers died before I came along). Dad was lovely and supportive, I feel for those who did not have such support.