Being the Organiser/Arranger

[girlfriend44]

Has anyone else stepped away from organising/volunteering/arranging all the time and found their mental health and life were better.

There are always some people who are happy to go to something if someone else puts it all on and does the organising/arranging/clearing up etc.

They would not do it themselves though.

Like to hear from people who have a more relaxed and less worrying life now because they finally gave up being THE ONE.

Yes. After years of being organizer in chief, I got fed up and stopped.

I Will still do certain minimal things that I can’t really avoid (taking my turn doing dinner at christmas etc), but I avoid trying to organize things for groups of people.

I’ve noticed other people don’t step up, but I’m fine with a quieter life! Just do things with my DH mostly.

Depends on which group of friends it is!

Most things fold when someone stands down.
Alot of people wont bother.
Alot of people do not turn up to support things despite saying they will be there.
Alot of people do not appreciate efforts made.

Let them be the organisers and see how they fair?
My granny used to put on events when she was alive at her house for her club friends.
People used to come but nobody else ever hosted.

What have you organised then?

People saying they will be there and they are not is quite common.

You believe it when you see it?

We have 3 really good ‘organisers’ in our group, we all tend to take it in turns. I’m currently organising a holiday abroad for a large group of us later in the year. I’m really enjoying it, except for 1 person, who is always last to respond.

I stopped organising anything with this particular person quite a while ago. She never steps up, even to book a taxi, never suggests anything, always waits for others to plan stuff and then we all have to chase her. She is lovely company when we are out, but is a lazy, pain in the arse when we are organising anything. I stepped back from her and it is less stressful.

Not just talking about things with friends.

Ever been on a committee, tried to organise a school fete, a fundraiser, an event, jumble sale, things like this.

Op got very tired of it. Must catch up soon. Im always the arranger. Havent heard from her. Is it laziness in people? But of course if we dont do it friendship fizzled.

I don't mind organising if other people aren't picky. Constantly coming up with different options as suddenly people change the criteria or are really fussy wears me down, and I've stopped bothering in that circumstance.

No, I tried and realised I found the weight of ‘I bet they’ve all done a shit job’ and wondering what was going on much worse.

I’ve now accepted I’m a control freak (who organises excellent trips).

This is a good point. I give people a selection of well researched options that are always well received.

If people were ungrateful or awkward I’d reevaluate whether I did it again. But I’ve never had that so don’t mind doing the work because it means I get things the way I’m happy with.

Me! I made a conscious decision to stop because it was stressing me out.
I realised no one else bothered to organise anything, and actually it was a comment from a family member shortly after I'd had my baby about not having seen anyone for ages because I hadn't arranged anything I just thought sod you!
I'm happy to attend anything suggested but I don't trip over myself trying to organise events which keep everyone happy any more and the weight has just lifted from my shoulders!! I fully recommend.

Such an effort for coffee or meal catchups I just dont bother now. Of course they dont either!! I just meet one to one now