How did you raise your low self esteem?

[rainawf]

How did you do it? What really helped and what didn’t?

im really low right now, feel like life is passing me by.

@OceanicBoundlessness - do you have any more suggestions on things to do to get out of your comfort zone? I have realised that I am a scaredy cat in life. I do a lot of fun things but they are all within my zone. I need to expand it a bit. What did you do that was scary but empowering - however small?

This isn’t self-esteem related and to be quite honest it hasn’t helped me raise mine, but it’s changed my life. If I think something positive about someone, I will say it 10/10 times. I’ve always had that tendency but one day I just decided social convention could go and perform sexual activities with itself and if I wanted to tell someone they were super cool and their ability to cook pasta or choose an outfit were great, I was just going to. It’s not always universally appreciated and I’m sure I seem weird, but screw it, one day it’ll be too late.

This had me cry for some reason - sap that I am 😁

Thanks for the responses - they actually mean a lot to me in return. The guy in question was one of the senior patients in the psych ward - patient group leader when I got there - and a genuinely sweet man. I hope he’s doing well now. I can include the full quotation, he actually said “hello, how’re you doing pal” as time went on but it literally started with just hello (I was committed in Scotland which is an excellent country as nothing was available nearer). But he just started with that and then included more and more statements which were just slightly more positive about himself and his life as time went on. As you can imagine none of us had the highest self-esteem but I think lots of people found it helpful :)

The gym and strength training.

Setting goals other than weight loss and goals were in line with increasing how much I could lift etc.

I got huge satisfaction from this and made me appreciate my body and what it can achieve outside of just "looking pretty".

You'll get the rush of endorphins also.

Great post and great ideas.
Not for everyone but Cold Water Swimming saved me last year when I fell apart after a massive life event.
There's a huge nationwide group that will encourage and support with more than youll ever guess to start with. The achievement of just getting in is a huge boost to self esteem as are the physiological effects on the body, serotonin, dopamine and many more.
Meeting new acquaintances, all are very friendly encouraging people you can chat or not chat to, or not go that day if you don't feel like it. That opens up your world in a unexpectedly bonkers way!
Ps it's hard getting in every time even when experienced 😅 Good luck OP

The gym / exercise for me. I never knew the benefits to your mental health / self esteem until this year. Lost some weight and toned up, but I just feel better about myself.

Mostly experience. A lot of low self-esteem comes from fear - fear that you're not good enough or no one will like you. Having to do things you fear and having to put yourself out there means you just get through all the occasions you catastrophise about, and the bad thing you feared just didn't happen. At some point you have to look around at the people who like you, love you and respect you and realise you weren't so bad after all.

Also, look around at other people. Obsessive low self-esteem can tip into navel-gazing a lot of the time. Look around you on the tube. Not everyone's gorgeous or fit or successful. And they're mostly too wrapped up in their own fears to judge you for yours.

More prosaically, exercise. Even in the weeks I thought I'd achieved absolutely nothing, just managing to get out for a run gave me a sense of accomplishment.

Thank you so much everyone. I’m really struggling at the moment with life and this has helped massively. I’m so sorry for not responding to everyone it’s just been such a tough few days.

Thinking of you OP. The good news - although nothing probably feels like good news right now - is that you at least have the impetus to want to raise your self-esteem. That’s at least part of the ground work done, you’ve got the first step on your staircase and you CAN keep climbing. And if you need to take a step back and rest, that’s not wrong.

For me it was doing more physical stuff.

A class came up on Facebook and my first thought was ooh I'd love to do that and my second thought was dismissive and that that sort of activity was not for someone like me. Somehow I caught the thought and booked on to the activity anyway. I'm getting used to catching those limiting thoughts/beliefs and for me, the only way out is through.

So I had a beginner session at a water sport, specifically it was aimed at women so felt easier. Both going there to do something totally different (but cool... And I thought I couldn't/shouldn't/wasn't good enough/ who did I even think I was! to do cool stuff) and putting myself in a situation where I'd know no one were out of my comfort zone.

So for me, sea dipping which someone has already mentioned, various water sports, hiking, I learnt to wild camp and what I'd need as the bare minimum to keep myself warm, safe, dry and fed, I've done extended outdoor first aid courses so that I could feel more competent as part of a team if anyone needed help.
It's totally changed my view of myself and I feel so much more competent. I've stretched my comfort zone so that I can say yes to even more things...

I don't know if that helps. I imagine many people will do those sorts of things without a second thought but they might feel terrified doing something academic, or creative. So for them taking a painting class for example or a philosophy course or whatever might be a massive deal but eventually they'll see themselves not as someone who would like to have a go at painting but daren't, but as a painter.

thank you OP for this lovely thread with so many suggestions that I am hopeful to start using in due course, it came at the right time. Thank you all to all the posters who have contributed, so helpful!

I do have one suggestion and that is the "atomic habits" method whereby you aim to improve in tiny tiny increments. Aim to get 1% better each day or week. E.g. if you want to start a new habit you aim to do one minute but do that one minute every day. These habits stack up and you can then add more and more. Everyone can manage one minute! It could be one minute of exercise, or a gratitude diary, or putting on your makeup every morning or something that makes you happy. clear your desk, run up and down the stairs. Keep adding these habits up and then eventually massive change happens. This is based on a famous book by James Clear, he has some great videos on youtube about his method that are super inspiring.