My partner of 4 years is starting to aggravate me/give me the ick. He is lovely, sweet and kind and makes me feel like a princess (cringe but true).
We have an extremely good sex life although we don't have sex as often as we'd like (maybe a few times a month) as we don't live together yet. There's a few reasons for that, mostly due to the 14 year age gap with me being younger so I just don't feel ready yet to be playing house. Because of this, we end up texting a lot. He enjoys talking about sexual stuff over text but if I'm honest I'm just not into it over text and I never have been, but I indulge sometimes.
Yesterday he started a conversation around me being off with him which I'm not. That escalated to flat out telling me he feels like we are losing our sexual side which he loves about us and I make him feel stupid for initiating dirty talk because I keep shutting him down over text or half assed engaging in it but he can tell I don't really want to. He said he thinks it's important we 'both' try harder to work on it. Recently he's also been hyperfocused on me looking 'sexy' which has just been irritating me a bit. This isn't really something totally new, he's always liked me looking sexy but never really pushed it until recently. For example, he keeps buying me tiny clothes without asking me first such as denim booty shorts (?!) and tiny bikinis. I don't mind wearing a short dress on a night out occasionally but my usual style is VERY different to this and he knows that. My style inspo is literally Kate Middleton so you can imagine the type of stuff I usually wear (obviously not as expensive as her clothes but you get the idea!). His idea of sexy is tacky. On top of all of this he knows full well what I'm like - I'm reserved and quite shy.
This has p*ssed me off a bit for a few reasons. 1) I just don't think dirty talk over text is that deep?! 2) Our actual real sex life is great and perfectly fine which he agreed. 3) I feel like he is projecting past insecurities and relationships onto ours which isn't fair. He has been married before and they mutually split due to drifting apart and no longer being sexually attracted eachother which had an impact on their marriage. 4) I feel like he might be trying to change me in a way. I'm not this overly sexual, skimpy clothes wearing, flirty, dirty talking girl. I'm awkward and reserved and shy and he knows that.
I've told him I'm not this person he's trying to make me be, and he says he isn't trying to change me, loves me for me, doesn't expect me to wear sexy clothes all of the time if I don't want to and loves how I usually dress etc and that he's just trying to make sure we don't lose our 'sexual side'. This is all contradictory to me with what he's doing/telling me? I agree it's important to keep the spark alive and I'm willing to listen to any concerns he has but I just don't think they are that serious and it's giving me the ick a bit. Thoughts?