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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this quite offensive?

26 replies

Whenyouseeitagain · 27/08/2023 07:58

Am BFing 8 week old baby, but DH is supposed to have him 8-12 at night so I can get some uninterrupted sleep. I express milk for a bottle for him.

When I’m doing this DH makes ‘jokes’ about my udders and being a cow. I find it quite upsetting. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable though but I feel so unattractive and the jokes really make me feel bad.

OP posts:
fedupnow2 · 27/08/2023 07:59

Yanbu. He sounds so immature and gross. Tell him to grow up.

Maray1967 · 27/08/2023 08:00

Tell him that - loudly and clearly.

Original poster
Whenyouseeitagain · 27/08/2023 08:02

I have told him I don’t like it. He stops but then a couple of days later dies it again.

OP posts:
JMSA · 27/08/2023 08:06

It's awful. Out of order.

But I am impressed at him having your little one for half the night. That would have been a hard no from my ex husband, because of his Big.Important.Job.

Elzibells · 27/08/2023 08:07

Yanbu. Sounds like he is being immature and insensitive. Don't let him make you feel bad about your body or your breastfeeding journey. What you are doing is amazing. He should be supporting you not making silly pratty comments x

user1492757084 · 27/08/2023 08:11

This one I would have to laugh off.
I know it is insensitive and you feel hurt but I think your man is just looking on the funny side. Is he good hunoured?

Does he have a family history of dairy farming?

FrancescaContini · 27/08/2023 08:12

WTF?

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 27/08/2023 08:15

user1492757084 · 27/08/2023 08:11

This one I would have to laugh off.
I know it is insensitive and you feel hurt but I think your man is just looking on the funny side. Is he good hunoured?

Does he have a family history of dairy farming?

WTAF? 

She's said it upsets her. End of. No need for any tinkly laughter and a history of dairy farming. Jesus.

@Whenyouseeitagain tell him it's upsetting and absolutely not funny. Frankly I'd tell him to fuck off but you might want to be more diplomatic.

Elfandwellbeing · 27/08/2023 08:15

Udderley unnecessary!
sorry . All jokes aside it matters to you so he should desist. I’d be telling him it’s a miracle I got pregnant due to his pencil dick if he kept at it.

Hungryfrogs23 · 27/08/2023 08:17

Personally it wouldn't bother me, I even joked myself to my DH that I felt like a dairy cow 😄

But equally, whether you are unreasonable or not, if it bothers you and you've articulated this to him and asked him to stop, then he should stop.

Sunsnet · 27/08/2023 08:17

Maybe you should get him a children's book about mammals, all female mammals can produce milk not just cows. Is his mother a cow and his dad full of bullshit? Maybe that's why he's confused, he seems to have inherited his dad's traits at least.

BCBird · 27/08/2023 08:18

My ex had a history of dairy farming and used the word udders on occasion- I wasn't breast feeding though
I was able to.laugh as it didn't bother me in the slightest but if it had I'd expect to say it once sbd for ut to stop. I would tell him then once again when feeling less vulnerable till he gets the message. Does smack of immaturity.

Penguinmouse · 27/08/2023 08:18

This is a horrible thing for him to say, especially after you’ve already said you don’t like it. Post pregnancy is a vulnerable time, feeding is very hard work and you don’t need an idiot saying you’re like a cow on top of that.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 27/08/2023 08:21

If you have said you don't like it, he should stop. It doesn't matter what the joke is, your feelings should be prioritised.

CurlewKate · 27/08/2023 08:23

I can't believe people are excusing this! I suppose if you both have the sort of immature sense of humour that finds it funny then it's OK, but the OP has said she doesn't. So he's being an insensitive dick. And being a Superdad because he looks after his own baby for 4 hours 🤔does not excuse him.

LolaSmiles · 27/08/2023 08:26

Have you told him it upsets you?

DH and I both made similar jokes at that stage so the joke itself wouldn't bother me, but that's irrelevant because if it upsets you then it matters.

If you haven't told him, you need to. He's not a mind reader.

If you have told him and he's kept going, he's being an arse.

Alwaysdecorating · 27/08/2023 08:30

I made jokes like that myself as that’s how I felt.

However, it doesn’t matter what the joke is. You told him to stop and he continues to do it. So it’s not ok.

MarshyMcMarshFace · 27/08/2023 08:40

No excuses for this whatsoever and you are fully justified in doing whatever you normally do to let him know how horrible he is being.

Bloody hell, it is such a big thing coming to terms all the huge changes pregnancy, birth and feeding bring to our bodies, along with the emotional sensitivity and hormonal rampage. No wonder it makes you feel self conscious. How dare he compare you to a cow?

I would have totally lost my shit when he said it again after you told him it upsets you.

Tell him his job is to support the healthy feeding of his baby, not undermine you.

Valerie23 · 27/08/2023 09:13

Only you know if it's light hearted banter or he's trying to upset you.

But if you told him that it upsets you, he should stop regardless of whether he was being lighthearted or not.

Next time he says it, tell him clearly that you'll be breastfeeding for a certain amount of time but he will always be an immature twat.

Keyworks · 27/08/2023 09:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SoIinvictus · 27/08/2023 09:24

How immature and pathetic.
He needs educating. Show him this thread. And point out to him that breasts were invented for feeding babies, not for dicks to get their kicks from.

madeinmanc · 27/08/2023 09:26

I'd leave someone who said that.

Ladybug14 · 27/08/2023 09:27

If you've told him it upsets you and he continues to make the 'joke', I'd make a few jokes about his tiny weeny guinea pig sized willy

Apparently guinea pigs have miniscule penises

Hmm
OrderOfTheKookaburra · 27/08/2023 09:34

"If I'm a cow that makes you a bull who is full of bullshit! So fuck off, I have told you repeatedly that I don't like it."

And if he says it again "oh the master bullshitter is here again, I see".

CBAanymoreTBH · 27/08/2023 09:54

I don't know him obviously but is he being passive aggressive because he's taking the baby for those hours? Whatever the reason it's unacceptable for him to repeat something that has hurt you. Tell him if you are going for another baby you might ask him to collect some sperm for you using this bull semen extracting pump