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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you irrationally dislike anyone?

23 replies

Spinelli99 · 27/08/2023 07:20

It's my partner's friend's girlfriend. I've barely met her and I feel stupid for making this kind of judgement.
When we met her, my partner said something and she did this over-the-top hysterical laughter for about 10 minutes.
It's mainly her social media presence, so I stopped following her partner on it.
Every post she writes has to be this sickly, gushing essay. Full of hyperbolic language, statements like 'how lucky we are' 'how lovely it all is ' 'how fortunate we are to go to a party after COVID ' 🤢
Always has to post a picture of her and her partner where she's gazing lovingly at him or they're gazing at each other. Or that fake laughing your head off in every picture.
She even made a social media profile for the flat they bought which screams show off.
I know social media is a front, and I don't follow her now so don't have to look at it. My partner thinks she's 'really' nice, and I'm sure she's a good person indeed.
I feel bad for thinking it, I'd never be rude to her or anything, I just find all of that over the top gushing irritating!
Does anyone else dislike someone for no valid reason?

OP posts:

Anyotherdude · 27/08/2023 07:27

YABU - your reasons, that you have laid out clearly in your OP, are perfectly valid for you! When you get to know her more, you may adjust your judgement - it’s human nature to use your first impression as your start point…

MrsToothyBitch · 27/08/2023 08:29

Yes, a few people- both real and slebs I don't take to and they are similar in type to the girl you dislike OP, so I'm not sure how "irrational" it actually is. It's instinctual; I find them twee and false and don't trust them.

Someone everyone adored at school and thought was "wuvly" always seemed a sugar-coated stone cold bitch to me - with a mechanical grin that actually didn't reach her eyes. I assumed it was just me and never quite got why I disliked her. Took me a long time to realise it's probably a gut reaction and friends have since admitted similar. Similarly no one likes DPs mates DW. So full of herself a steam roller couldn't flatten her. We've decided since it's a consensus opinion, it's not irrational!

My only exception is a husband of a friend. I don't dislike him as a person but I've never liked him as her partner. He's not put a foot wrong, I just don't trust on some level. Probably a basis will become apparent but for now it's irrational.

PinkFootstool · 27/08/2023 08:33

Yep, woman I was a member of a club with at one time. I started to see here EVERYWHERE I went, it was like she was stalking me every time I left the house for months. I left the club, didn't see her again for 3yrs. She s just popped up in another club I'm in....

I know what it is I hate though, she is SO like me but all the bits I hate in me are reflected back at me in her. She's a nice lady, but I can't be around her.

morag1234 · 27/08/2023 08:36

Yes! There is a lady who works in the office with me (totally separate teams but she sits in the same floor as me).

She's actually nice but she has this high pitched voice and she's always really happy and bubbly but there is something about her that grates on me.

She always calls me "chick" and I just despise when someone calls you chick, babe, Hun etc.

Poor girl hasn't ever done anything wrong to me I just find her a bit much.

KajsaKavat · 27/08/2023 08:37

I dislike loads of people for not very big reasons, lol.
the fake online presence is annoying. Those couples who constantly wow their love to each other in Facebook posts 🤮

Jifmicroliquid · 27/08/2023 08:38

I have two lovely friends, but they both irrationally irritate me sometimes. I think because they are both quite sensitive and sticklers for routine, so if anything out of the ordinary happens they rush over all concerned and it drives me mad.

Moroccanqueen · 27/08/2023 08:40

Yes harry kane! (Footballer) obviously never met him and I know nothing about him but for some reason I absolutely can’t stand him when he’s giving post match interviews etc I have to turn the tv off 😅 poor guy I’m sure he’s actually a really nice person

BackAgainstWall · 27/08/2023 08:40

YABU
Ok fair enough to be a bit irritated by her BUT she’s not nasty or a bitch to you or others is she.

You on the other hand …

And Stop focusing on her.

Mummadeze · 27/08/2023 08:41

At least try to get to know her a bit more. It really does sound like you have made a snap judgement. My colleague does this about people and then often has to admit she is wrong further down the line.

NewLifeHappyLife · 27/08/2023 08:44

I dislike Benedict Cumberbatch and that is completely irrational.

There is also a woman roughly in my social circle who i find self aggrandising, and attention seeking and has to one-up everyone. But I'm not the only one to feel that way in the group (she was brought into it by her sister who can't seem to do anything without her - even the grocery shopping) so i am not sure that is irrational either. I try and put a lid on it though because I suspect she's just really insecure.

Elfandwellbeing · 27/08/2023 08:44

YANBU but try to be gracious about it or you come across as jealous. Especially the laughing at something your dp said.

DilemmaDelilah · 27/08/2023 08:47

Nope. If I dislike somebody there is always a rational reason. It could be something other people consider minor, perhaps they always wear yellow and I hate yellow (made up).

Nobody else has to agree with it, they can form their own opinions.

Trez1510 · 27/08/2023 08:47

I'm notorious for 'irrationally' disliking people others really like.

Part of that is down to having zero tolerance of fake/shallow people and drama llama nonsense.

The other part is the hypervigilance that comes from having CPTSD - I pick up on inconsistencies long before others do, whether that's smiles not reaching eyes, actions not matching words, gaslighting or lying.

My circle is small and very carefully chosen.

Mypuppywontsleep · 27/08/2023 08:48

I dislike plenty of people. I try to hide it though!

PurpleChrayne · 27/08/2023 08:49

I have a long and comprehensive list of people I irrationally dislike, lovingly compiled over the course of my life so far.

HoneyBalloon · 27/08/2023 08:50

Yes. One person because they stare at their mobile phone all the time. Another because they’re very gushy and effusive, seem very affectionate and warm, but know from their actions that they lack care for other people.

Unlikedandconfused · 27/08/2023 08:54

No but a huge amount of people dislike me !!! I have no idea what I do wrong but I’m autistic so I think I maybe give out the wrong social ‘signals’ ???? It has even got me accused of things and needed SS as years ago my dc school thought I had munchausens!!! Just because they had medical issues and I was intent on the best care and best support and pushed for their needs to be met but I obviously did it in such a way that alienated them ! Luckily great SW totally understood

Oysterbabe · 27/08/2023 08:56

Is because you think she was flirting with your partner with her over the top laughing at his joke?

mjf981 · 27/08/2023 08:56

Yep, a woman I work closely with. And i suspect the feeling is mutual..

She's sweet, earnest, thoughtful. But I just find her so bloody annoying. She doesn't know when to stop talking and overthinks everything we do. No-one else seems bothered though and everyone gushes over how nice she is. But she grates me and I (secretly) wish she would find another job.

hdbs17 · 27/08/2023 09:15

Yes - there's a few women I've met that I class as - "I like your dress" women.

I always get this feeling about those sorts before I've got to know them to give them that label, it's like an instinct.

They have a fake personality and will change themselves to be liked by the person they're around.

It's not just that I'm an introvert - I know huge extroverts that are lovely and genuine but I just seem to be able to pick up little things from observing people and that allows me to know whether I can get close to them or not.

CarrieMoonbeams · 27/08/2023 09:17

Not unless you count Tom Cruise! As far as I'm aware he's never done anything to annoy me personally, but I won't watch a film with him in it. I'm sure he's devastated 😭.

Someone IRL took an absolute dislike to me though, and it really took me by surprise because it was the first time I'd met any of the group (it was a get-together of everyone in dh's male-dominated hobby, where he was the newest member of the group). All of the women knew each other well, so I was expecting to feel a bit like I was under the microscope at first, but she was downright nasty from the start. But "nasty disguised as nice", if you know what I mean? It set the tone for the rest of the evening, so only one woman made an effort to speak to me. Horrible 😔

horseyhorsey17 · 27/08/2023 10:44

Not irrationally, no!

Original poster

Spinelli99 · 27/08/2023 11:55

Glad to know it isn't just me. Maybe if I knew her better I'd feel different, I just find her so attention seeking, gushy and too much.
I remember being in Costa coffee once and a young woman was there on what looked like a date, she had this massive toothy grin painted on her face the entire time, I was like nobody smiles that much permanently!

OP posts:

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