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Original poster

Housing issues - pregnant

22 replies

babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:33

Hello,

Sorry this is a long one...

So I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy was unplanned as I was in the process of sorting out my career (I moved to another city to live with my partner). Before getting pregnant we were in the process of moving out of his parents' home to start private renting. However, my contract at my last job was ending and no one was willing to rent to us.

I found a new job and we booked a holiday. After the holiday our plan was to start viewings again and get the ball rolling with moving out of his parents' home as I now had a permanent contract. The day after I came back from holiday I found out that I was pregnant. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I started having sickness. I was always throwing up and was diagnosed with HG and was admitted to hospital as a result of it. I've also had a difficult pregnancy with a raised heart rate and infection in an unknown location (markers for infection in bloods however I have no symptoms such as burning whilst peeing etc). Due to the HG and raised heart rate I've been off sick from the start of my pregnancy. My pregnancy is classed as high risk due to health issues.

I've not been able to work and have been receiving SSP as I wasn't at my workplace long enough to receive full sick pay for the time I've been off. This isn't enough money to move out with as my partner doesn't earn enough for us to move out on just his earnings.

The issues we have are:

  1. He doesn't earn enough for us to meet the affordability criteria for renting based on just his earnings.
  2. I don't receive full sick pay due to starting a new job
  3. We currently stay in an attic bedroom at his parents' house. We can't fit a cot up here. There isn't enough space for a chest of drawers for the baby's stuff either
  4. Our relationship with his parents has been deteriorating and was the initial reason we wanted to move out before we even got pregnant. Our relationship with them has gotten worse and we are just about managing to keep things civil.
  5. I thought that my sickness would ease as I go into the second trimester and I would return to work, but this has not been the case. I'm still throwing up, or experiencing nausea.

My question is I'm not sure as to what are options are in terms of housing? As mentioned the baby was not planned. I thought I'd be fit enough to return to work in the second trimester and we'd be able to move out with both of our earnings meeting the affordability criteria. However, if anything, my pregnancy has gotten worse as it's progressed and I've been advised to stay off of work, by the GP due to my raised heart rate and HG.

Sorry for the long winded question, I felt like it was important to give context in regards to the current situation.

TIA

Posted on AIBU for traffic - sorry!

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/08/2023 23:34

Are your parents around?

Sapphire387 · 26/08/2023 23:42

Do you mean social housing? You might be eligible, worth applying with your local council although the waits are long in some areas.

RhymesWithTangerine · 26/08/2023 23:44

Try to improve your relationship with your in-laws.

How much rent do you pay them?

Deathbyfluffy · 26/08/2023 23:45

The wheels of social housing turn extremely slowly, so I’d look at renting privately in a cheaper area if you need to.

Original poster
babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:46

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Hi, nope they're not

OP posts:
lanthanum · 26/08/2023 23:46

Contact the local council housing department. If there isn't physically room for the baby where you are at the moment, that may mean that you are going to be homeless with a new baby, which might jump you up the waiting lists.

WhateverMate · 26/08/2023 23:46

Social housing availability will depend on your area, although it's in pretty short supply in most places.

Where I live (London) you'd have to present as homeless and the council would probably put you up in a grotty hostel full of drug users and alcoholics, with shared facilities.

Sad but true I'm afraid.

deClutterBugz · 26/08/2023 23:47

Can you rent anything at all? Even a tiny 1 bed flat would give you more space than you have now. Look at cheaper areas / expanding your search too.

KissyMissy · 26/08/2023 23:47

Try and get on the waiting list with the council, you are in an unfortunate situation

Original poster
babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:48

@RhymesWithTangerine I've tried. Been living with them for two years. We do the food shops and pay for the gas and electric. The issues are more centred around letting go of their son.

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 26/08/2023 23:48

lanthanum · 26/08/2023 23:46

Contact the local council housing department. If there isn't physically room for the baby where you are at the moment, that may mean that you are going to be homeless with a new baby, which might jump you up the waiting lists.

You must be joking.

My council have families of 5 or more, housed in one bedroom hotels around here.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/08/2023 23:49

babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:48

@RhymesWithTangerine I've tried. Been living with them for two years. We do the food shops and pay for the gas and electric. The issues are more centred around letting go of their son.

How much have you and dp managed to save in that time? Won't that help towards rent somewhere else?

Start looking at studios.

Original poster
babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:52

Sorry forgot to mention the average price for a 1 bed flat (nothing fancy - trying to keep it as basic and liveable as possible) is around £800+

OP posts:
RhymesWithTangerine · 26/08/2023 23:53

babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:48

@RhymesWithTangerine I've tried. Been living with them for two years. We do the food shops and pay for the gas and electric. The issues are more centred around letting go of their son.

To a neutral observer it sounds as though it is an issue of their son not letting go of them rather than the other way around.

Both he and his girlfriend are living in their house and complaining about them while they are it?

Maybe pay them rent. And start seeing what they see. Which is a son who won’t stand on his own feet and is now bringing a girlfriend and baby into their house.

The reality is that you are not going to find somewhere else to go until you both get real jobs, which isn’t going to happen soon. So you need to be grateful for the roof you have.

Original poster
babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:59

@RhymesWithTangerine No. That's assuming. As a bit of background we come from a south Asian family. In our culture the expectation is usually that the girl moves in with his family and his parents can 'retire (from actual work as well as household responsibilities) and that both the son and his partner take over. This also means constantly serving their guests, telling them where you go and when you go, having them ask personal questions etc.

For the culture we come from it's seen as the 'right thing' to move in with his family. However, this is quite a dated way of thinking and many south Asians do let their sons go, but his family are quite old school and I only realised this after moving in.

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 27/08/2023 00:01

babyk2023 · 26/08/2023 23:59

@RhymesWithTangerine No. That's assuming. As a bit of background we come from a south Asian family. In our culture the expectation is usually that the girl moves in with his family and his parents can 'retire (from actual work as well as household responsibilities) and that both the son and his partner take over. This also means constantly serving their guests, telling them where you go and when you go, having them ask personal questions etc.

For the culture we come from it's seen as the 'right thing' to move in with his family. However, this is quite a dated way of thinking and many south Asians do let their sons go, but his family are quite old school and I only realised this after moving in.

Well cultural norms flew out the window as soon as you started living together and go pregnant.

Just save as much as you can while you have an almost free roof over your head, because the alternative can be pretty grim.

But obviously contact your council this week and find out what's what.

Easystuff · 27/08/2023 00:05

Couple of idea options/ideas.

As its only your partner working and you will soon have a baby you may be entitled to some universal credit. And help with your rent. You need to try and find something vas close to the local hiding allowance as possible. If you tell the council your situation and that you can't stay where you are . They will help you with first months rent/deposit to set you up for private renting. They call it homleds intervention.

Option 2. Your partners mum needs to writre you a note to say you can no longer live at her house from x date . You take that to council and represent as homless . You will then go into emgency accommodation. You could then try and find private rent whilst your in emgency accommodation council will help you with that to if you ask you

Option 3 as above ask your partners mum to write a nite saying you can't stay theres. Go homeless route into emgency accommodation. Then to temporary accommodation. It could be anything from a hostel with shared bathroom kitchen. Often very manky. Rats mice drugs etc . Or could be a self contained flat still very grotty still with vermin. Or you could be lucky and get something reasonable.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/08/2023 00:06

Where are you based?

Swansandcustard · 27/08/2023 00:11

You have the best possible deal you can for you and your baby. Help as much as you can, and save as much as you can. Look into what benefits you can get when baby arrives. As irritating as it might be with MIL, it would be 100 times worse in some grotty hotel with whatever the council crushes you in with.

And get your contraception sorted. Accidental pregnancy really shouldn’t be a thing in 2023.

Babyroobs · 27/08/2023 00:37

Things aren't going to get better for a while as I imagine you won't qualify for smp either or maybe not a lot of it? I would look at getting your name on the council and HA lists asap although as others have said it could take a long time. Once baby is born you should be eligible to claim Universal credit for help with private rent is you can find a landlord willing to let to you. You may need to go back to work earlier than anticipated to pass affordability checks. UC will help towards childcare costs.

bluetongue · 27/08/2023 03:56

Can your partner get a second job? You’ve got a baby coming and it will be a hard life for him but needs must.

Itsallok · 27/08/2023 04:18

Agree with earlier PP about contraception - in 2023, this really should not be a thing. But as it is, your partner needs to step up. Get a second job and move to whether you can and live in a place which is cheaper. It may not be brilliant but you are bringing another life in to the world. Time to adult - both of you.

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