This is a stressful weekend for me MN.
The in laws are visiting. My nephew, who is nearly 10 (and NT FWIW) is so bloody nasty to my DS (6). Hes NEVER pulled up on his behaviour or language. It’s constant name calling of ‘idiot’ and ‘divvy’ over things like not putting Lego pieces in correctly. This is nothing new, but this time round (we haven’t seen them in months) he started calling my DS ‘rat’. “Oh no here comes the rat” and “Stop being a little rat”. SIL and BIL do nothing - me, DH and PILs have been the ones to pull him up in his because (not that he gives a shit).
But today I got sick of it and when he called DS a rat for a third time I said shouted “stop using that horrible word Alfie and apologise to DS”. To which SIL giggled and said “Oh no he doesn’t mean it in a bad way we’re always calling Alfie a rat, especially when he’s naughty, we say “Pack it in you little rat” but it’s just a joke’🙄
Ive seen this before with parents using name calling as a supposed joke. And this is the result - they think they can call others that. WHY do people do this?!
In the end I told DS just to stay by my side as he was getting upset. Not a great parenting lesson that the one who does no wrong is taken out the situation but honestly I thought I’d ended losing it at nephew if he carried on.
I think it hurts all the more because DS is a genuinely lovely sweet boy who really takes care of everyone else. If there’s a toddler around, he will play with them and help them fetch things etc, he’s always making sure other people are OK and asks if he can help if we are tidying etc. that’s not be being deluded either - I have a DD who’d probably step over any toddler in her way and would sooner die than help with chores 🤣 but I always get comments about how lovely DS is and it’s ALWAYS him getting the brunt of IL’s kids nastiness, and he never ever says anything back. He just takes it. Whereas DD, who takes no prisoners, would, on being called an idiot, divvy or a rat, fully ice out whichever child called her that and would tell them why she isn’t playing with them anymore. And she’d follow through too.
Am I being uptight and weird (as I certainly was made to feel that way today) for not having ‘bantz’ with my kids or is it not just totally unacceptable to call kids horrid names ‘in jest’ or otherwise?