when 'no' is not a complete sentence

8 replies

Pebbles16 · 26/08/2023 21:46

I have a lovely friend (or so I thought) who is life and soul of the party and planning a very nice karaoke experience for a big birthday.
This is my worst nightmare and I said I would love to join her celebrations (dinner beforehand) but cannot join the karaoke.
I have been to karaoke with her before and said I can't join in. "No, it's fine you can just watch, singalong in the background". Then dragged up to sing - I ended up being very unwell due to stress, she came to get me because 'it's just nerves, you'll be fine'. I can explain why I have such a violent reaction but you are not my private counsellors!
She has been haranguing me all day with increasingly unpleasant messages. She is now on mute and I have said she is my friend but I cannot compromise my happiness for her.
Appreciate that sounds like a rubbish response but she knows why I hate singing in public and seems to have no empathy.
So my AIBU is
YABU just do it for your friend
YANBU protect your boundaries

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Rudolphthefrog · 26/08/2023 21:54

No reasonable person, much less supposed friend, insists you cross your clearly stated and reasonable boundaries and do something you so clearly don’t want to do (I wouldn’t do it either, I loathe that kind of thing). She sounds, at best, juvenile and self absorbed. Different if you were maybe a bit nervous of something you’d never done before and she was making a slightly ham fisted job of being encouraging but not this. I’d wouldn’t go to the dinner either, she’ll make it a thoroughly unpleasant experience and try to pester you into staying for the singing.

allthegoodgirlsgotohell · 26/08/2023 21:57

Jesus how dramatic of you both. Grow a backbone.

Original poster

Pebbles16 · 26/08/2023 22:01

allthegoodgirlsgotohell · 26/08/2023 21:57

Jesus how dramatic of you both. Grow a backbone.

Okay, I am guessing that you haven't read between the lines of singing in public = extreme upset for me. There is a reason, which she knows about

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determinedtomakethiswork · 26/08/2023 22:02

She isn't a friend. She is selfish and just wants you to do whatever you are told to do.

anotheranotheranotheranother · 26/08/2023 22:05

No is not a complete sentence because your 'friend' is acting like an utter bitch.

billy1966 · 26/08/2023 22:09

anotheranotheranotheranother · 26/08/2023 22:05

No is not a complete sentence because your 'friend' is acting like an utter bitch.

This.

She is no friend.

In your position I would not attend at all, and I would be rethinking this "friendship".

No one who cared about you would behave like that after you told them you weren't interested.

Nagado · 26/08/2023 22:25

I think I’d be inclined to skip the whole thing. If you go to the dinner she’s only going to be trying to guilt trip you into going and if you don’t feel able to tell her to sod right off with her karaoke, are you going to have it in you to tell her to stop being so manipulative?

She knows there’s a reason and she’s still nagging at you to go. That doesn’t sound like a good friend to me. Unless she’s a good friend all the time she’s getting her own way?

Original poster

Pebbles16 · 26/08/2023 22:34

Nagado · 26/08/2023 22:25

She knows there’s a reason and she’s still nagging at you to go. That doesn’t sound like a good friend to me. Unless she’s a good friend all the time she’s getting her own way?

This is a really interesting POV. Yes, she possibly is only a good friend when she is getting what she needs. We were originally a group of five and I am the only one who remains friends with her. I've always put it down to 'life changes' but perhaps I have to rethink this

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