I don't really want to speak to anyone in my life about it. Because I don't want anyone to take a serious dislike to him, but I need to vent.
Today has been so difficult. He works very hard and I think that he may be depressed. But when I think back, he has always been weighed down with stuff. We met a long time ago and even then, we were supposed to be relatively carefree and he was always weighed down by stuff, unable to enjoy the moment. I always thought I was just a phase or a ' hard time ' but he's often just extremely negative.
He doesn't have a run of a mill office job, but works in a high pressured physical role, 6 days a week. So I get it, he doesn't have much time off and he's also physically tired. I work from home and we have to children under 4. It's tough going. I take care of everything at home ( and outsource some stuff ). But I am at home more and he is away a lot, so a lot falls to me.
In any case when he does have time off, he's just a constant stream of negativity. Waking up the whole house and shouting about not having toilet paper- just one delightful example. He finds fault in everything at home ' it's a shit hole ' ' everything is everywhere '... when I'm literally breaking my back trying to keep things reasonable. He always finds something to pick on. ' why is this here or there ? '
Also because he rarely gets time off, he doesn't really want to go out. He's never positive and up best about anything. Everything is a massive effort and he would rather stay at home than for example, than watch our daughter during her dance class. If we do go anywhere, he wants to come straight back home.
This morning I said I was taking my DD to her dance class and I would take my younger one too. Because whenever we are just at home together I always end up fighting with him anyway we he just spends hours on his own activities / hobbies at home and barely interacts with us. So I decided a few weeks ago, rather than sit around with the kids in the house and waiting for him to come and join us, I would just do my own thing with them ( at least in the morning ). It's left me less frustrated.
I told him this morning that I'm taking them to the class and it's in a big gym, where you can eat / swim/ use spa etc: I suggested to him, why don't we go together and you can have a swim and spa and then we can watch DD dancing etc. maybe after she can go and play in the playground there and we can have lunch together.
He said that was a ' shit day out ' and he doesn't want to go and to leave him alone and I should ' come up with better suggestions ' as he thinks going there is so absolutely lame. I said he should come up with suggestions if he doesn't like mine.. anyhow, I said I'll go with the kids and leave him to it. DD then begged him to come and he came. He was so utterly miserable there and literally ran out of the door as soon as he could ( even though DD wanted to play in the playground with a girl she knows ). He just flew out of there and wanted to come straight home.
We then found out some relatives of his will visit his parents for Christmas ( so not even us ). And he was angry and annoyed he was going to have to spend time with them and how shit it all was and how he can't be bothered. Then he picked a fight saying he doesn't like the name we picked for our second DD and how he only did it because I insisted on the name. He's done this quite a few times since she's been born and it really upsets me and upsets me for my DD too. I said it's really horrible you keep bringing up the name. He said well your actions have consequences.
Most of the time I just go with what he says, because if I make a decision that he doesn't like- he will just keep going on and on about how wrong I was. This keeps happening with the name and it's really upsetting. He did agree at the time. But I liked it more than he did.
Really fed up with it all today. I just want a nice husband who wants to have fun with me and his family and who doesn't just drag me down like this.