Is this ‘normal’

[Namechangeforadvicepleaseandthankyou]

LTP and I have been together for 20 years. Three children. Been in couples counselling with a view to them attempting to be more Accomadation when I talk about the children and how I struggle. One has physical dis. When I say struggle, possibly every 6 weeks get stressed/ sad for an hour as have to do lots of physical tasks for child with needs and feel sad about their future.
LTP has been a bit better recently and I thought I was coming back to having some feelings. Began to trust them. Now LTP has been useless again and I am devastated by the response I have had . I have wanted to be alone all day he has left me alone and doesn’t want to talk.
feel like I can’t keep trusting to have my trust broken. Has anyone ever managed to come back from feeling like this. .

It doesn't actually matter what's 'normal' or who is being unreasonable (I can envisage versions of this scenario where it could be either of you). The point is that you appear to be making each other unhappy and couples counselling apparently hasn't helped. Maybe it's a different kind of therapy or counselling you need - have you ever had help from someone specifically aimed at coming to terms with or working through your feelings about having a child with disabilities?

I'm a bit confused by what you mean when you say you wanted to be alone all day, but then you seem to be upset that he has left you alone all day? Surely he's respecting your wish to be alone, if that's the case? Or have I misunderstood?

Sorry I didn’t explain too well. I wanted to talk about things, how I need some help with child and an incident had happened that resurfaced a feelings again . I have come to terms with things but I guess I feel alone with the worries where he wants to bury his head in the sand. If I begin to say anything about how I feel he literally ignores me …. Not a word ….as if not speaking … I feel so alone

But you said you wanted to be alone all day.

I wanted to talk about disabled child ( for literally 2 mins) he totally ignored me like I was invisible.
because we are in such a difficult place I have now wanted to be alone all day
I am sad that he has made no effort to repair

because we are in such a difficult place I have now wanted to be alone all day
I am sad that he has made no effort to repair

He’s made no effort to repair because if he did that, he wouldn’t be respecting your wish to be alone. Either you want to be alone or you don’t.

Obviously I don’t know you or your relationship, but I think perhaps it’s difficult for your husband to keep listening and nodding to your emotional worries when there isn’t actually anything he can do to resolve the issue. Having a disabled child is hard but maybe he finds it draining and stressful listening to the same concerns repeatedly. I understand why you find that upsetting, but I can also understand why he might feel like he’s always listening to you dwelling on the same things. Obviously you need to support each other but this all feels a bit one-sided and all about what you need from him, rather than how you can be a team.

It sounds to me as if you are very, very different people who are struggling to find common ground. I think talking about ‘breaking trust’ is quite dramatic when talking about someone just not reacting in the way you wanted, and talking about wanting to be left alone but then complaining when you are left alone makes me wonder if you just have very different personalities.

I have two children, a 1 year old and a 2 year old. Our 1 year old has a rare genetic disorder which means that he has a severe disability. Our 2 year old has suspected Autism.

One thing that I’ve realised is that both parents deal with emotions differently. My response to our son having a severe disability and their dad’s response was completely different. Even though your partner is an equal parent, it’s not always fair to put your emoitons on them, even if it does have to do with your children.

One thing I’ve started is therapy. I find it so much easier to offload and talk about my difficulties with someone else. I don’t have to keep putting an emotional load on my kids dad over and over again, it’s not actually fair to do that.

Are you able to give therapy a try?