This will be a long read, so please bare with me. Apologies for posting in AIBU if that’s not where it goes, I’m just hoping for anything.
For background context, we have 1 DC 4yo.
Last year DP and I were in quite a bad place, for a multitude of reasons. One of the reasons being - I’d like a second child. I mentioned when we had our 1st, that I would prefer a smaller gap between both (2years or so) - that was the dream, and I get it - life doesn’t always work out that way. Fast forward to last year, I brought it up and there were many goalposts set before we could start trying, examples of these were 1 more holiday (which we went on & I paid for) and so ond and so fourth, not every one included something that involved costs such as a holiday but nevertheless there were goalposts and every time the goals were met and I was disappointed it brought out a really nasty side of me I will be the first one to admit. I wasn’t a nice person last year, but neither were any of us. This snowballed into other problems, which we had counselling for a few months at the end of last year and it changed us completely for the better. It was gruelling, but certainly worth it. During this time I pushed having a child out of my mind as we weren’t in a good position in our relationship anyway and I’d never want to bring a child in to that situation.
Now on to this year, we’re the best we’ve ever been in every aspect (9 year relationship), and we’re finally where we want to be. Although - the 2nd baby issue has cropped up again. I brought it up initially around May of this year, where I was met with a couple of goalposts again but in fairness they were practical, but the main one now is financial. DP has a credit card, the amount on there isn’t massive by any means and he wants to get it down to around £2,000 (£1,000 away) before we start trying. This is all well and good, but it’s been a good few months and the amount isn’t getting any lower and we aren’t any closer. The predicament I’m in is my whole life feels on pause, example would be I am so unhappy in my job (off sick start of the year due to stress) and would love to look elsewhere, however I’m reluctant to look as if we were to try soon the maternity benefits in my role are extremely good (civil service). This is causing my MH a lot of strain as I cannot stand not knowing where I stand, and this has been the case for a year and a half now. He’s also still going on nights out etc (not many) however it’s making me resent him going as I know it’s going to cost. I’m also feeling resentful as with every month that passes the gap increases. I’m also very overweight (working on it) so it’s not like I expect to fall pregnant straight away - which then brings me to the argument that he’s got all of this time + the pregnancy itself to sort financial issues. He thinks I will fall pregnant straight away and then he’ll be in a bad place himself unable to enjoy the pregnancy due to financial worry, and also having to work like crazy.
This is extremely hard as I understand his point completely, and I think it’s good that he wants to be in a good financial position before trying - but this is taking such a big toll on me due to the longevity and uncertainty. I don’t know what I’m asking really, all I know is I’m struggling.
Couple of points to add - we had counselling about this a couple of weeks ago, he just went on and on about figures. A few close to me and him have spoken to him, and he certainly wants another child so it’s not excuses (I thought it was for some time). I’ve done everything I can - even to the point of offering him the money. Where do I go from here? I love this man with all of my heart, I genuinely am so happy otherwise but this is crushing me and the relationship.