Am I becoming boring in my mid thirties?

[jaychops]

I'm 36, happily married with 2 young children. I've always struggled with anxiety, and to the outside I appear very sociable - last one on the dance floor, always up for a night out etc. I have a large family and lots of friends who are always a bit pushy (not all of them) - if you don't drink alcohol on a night out or act a bit wild then you're seen as boring (family more than friends seem to have this opinion!).

However, being sociable doesn't come naturally to me. I cover up well the fact that I'm an introvert and social events always leave me very tired due to the effort I'm putting in.

Being a working mum of 2 young children my life is now busy and I'm getting to the point where I'm less inclined to care about what people think. I'm starting to decline invitations from people who I'm not bothered about spending time with, and I'd much rather be at home on a Friday night with a glass of wine, my family and a good book! I'm tightening my social circle, time and energy is precious and I'm choosing wisely who I want to spend my time with. Previously I would make an effort to attend every event I'm invited to even if I wouldn't enjoy it because I was bothered about what people would think if I said no.

AIBU?

YABU - lighten up and stop being boring! You're only mid thirties.

YANBU - it's good to stop being a people pleaser and prioritise the things that give you most pleasure even though it might not be to everyone's taste. Say no more!

You're doing alright in my view, AND you're demonstrating life stages - live 'fully' the stage you are in, and it will have it's day and you will move on.

I'm not surprised you fancy a night of your own choosing over being fake for people you don't value that much.

And a lot of people are realising that getting steaming drunk is not really worth it nowadays.

Ah I don't agree OP. I think maintaining friendships through the child rearing years is very important. You don't want your dc to get older and have their own life and you're lonely with nothing to do. It is well worth the effort, but you could try different activities with friends rather than nights out. The happiest elderly people I know have friends, stay active and plenty of lunch dates and card nights etc.

@Titicacacandle oh I don't mean to not have friends, I absolutely do have a good group of likeminded friends who I see regularly and enjoy, and will continue to do so. I'm talking about the wider social circle so to speak who I don't really have much in common with anymore. I absolutely agree it's important to have good friends.

I think you should make an effort with your friends. It will pay off in the long run.

By your mid thirties, you should be confident in identifying what you want from life and pursuing that shamelessly. Life goes by far too quickly to spend it “fitting in” with other people’s ideas of a good life, or being cool, or any other juvenile aspirations. Do what you love, what makes you happy.

That doesn’t mean dropping all friendships in favour of your kids (who will grow up and find more interesting things to do than spend time with you!) but instead pursuing friendships with likeminded people and activities that you really want to do, as well as enjoying your family life.

If other people think that’s boring, or weird, that’s fine. It’s not their life.

Just to clarify if I hadn't made it clear. I'm not talking about becoming a total recluse and only spending time with my family.

I currently have different groups of friends - my closest, best friends who are all like minded and have been there through thick and thin and I can't ever see them not being in my life.

Then groups such as ex work colleagues and old school friends who I don't have anything in common with anymore.

'Mum friends' who I will also make an effort with for the sake of my children and play dates. My husband's friends who of course are important to him and therefore me.

I'm also referring to not being pushed into drinking alcohol if I don't want to.

I think there comes a time in your life where you literally have the time to fit in everything and everyone and have to start saying no, even though you may be accused of being boring. And do you want to be friends with people who don't understand that anyway?

“I'm getting to the point where I'm less inclined to care about what people think.”

I think you have a little way to go if you’re still acting wild for the benefit of your friends. But yes it’s a good start. Of course you should live your life the way you want to. Too bad if they have an opinion about it