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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to look after pets

45 replies

Alf1 · 26/08/2023 08:37

My husbands ex and their child together are going on holiday for two weeks and their pet care has apparently fallen through.

We are now being asked to take them, it's an older dog and two guinea pigs.

My husband has said it's up to me as he works all week, even staying away overnight for 3 of the nights with work, and I'm at home with our baby.

I've said no. She's now saying she will have to cancel the holiday and acting as though it's our fault. She has family but apparently all of them are working so can't do it and we're (I'm the only option).

DH feeling guilty in case DSD misses out on a holiday, I think she'll sort it she's just putting the pressure on the easiest candidate.

I don't want the responsibility of a random dog I don't know to walk twice a day with a pram and dog shit to clean up in the garden and two guinea pigs to clean out etc . We have specifically held off getting a pet ourselves as it would be too much right now.

I also know what his ex can be like and feel like if I say yes and open the floodgates we'll be asked every time.

Surely if you decide to get pets this is one of the consequences? It's not as easy to go away and you have to have solid plans in place (her existing plan sounded a bit flakey at best).

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 26/08/2023 10:40

I’d say yes to the Guinea pigs and no to the dog if you don’t want to care for a dog with a baby. Rover.com might be worth forwarding to them. She’s looking at £40-50 a night home boarding. Unlikely any kennels will have places now.

VickyEadieofThigh · 26/08/2023 10:40

See,this is why we always put our dog in proper boarding kennels - the possibility of family/friend pet care faling through (and even those ones where you pay for your dog to be in someone's home) is too great a risk. Especially in the school summer holidays, when boarding kennels are often full so you've no fall-back option.

Radiodread · 26/08/2023 10:42

i also think it matters if the ex is financially contributing to their shared child. If he is paying (crappy) CMS minimum, reduces because of new baby, and has the child EOW only then I’d have more sympathy as the ex will have the bulk of the financial responsibility especially if the dog was a family dog and now comes with high elderly dog vet bills. Overnight care for a dog where I am for two weeks would come to nearly £800.

Dillydollydingdong · 26/08/2023 10:45

Tell her there are people who will look after animals, but she'll have to pay them. There are kennels, doggy day care, dog walkers. And people who can take small animals and look after them.

Gettingbysomehow · 26/08/2023 10:45

I would but only because I love no better excuse than to pet animals but in this instance the cheeky cabbage needs to pay for pet boarding.

primoseyellow · 26/08/2023 10:45

I think it's fine to say no, I love animals but would find it stressful looking after others as I would be constantly worrying and checking them.

Especially an older dog I didn't have any relationship with. also Guinea pigs would have to be let out of cage and be given free running/free range space every day, so it would be a lot of work for you.

Tinkerbyebye · 26/08/2023 10:46

YANBU. If your husband wants todo it he takes the time off work

Shinyandnew1 · 26/08/2023 10:47

Nope, I wouldn’t do it.

Once you agree, you’ll be giving the message that you can do it and she’ll assume you’ll do it forever more and save her a fortune!

rainbowstardrops · 26/08/2023 10:47

If you generally get on ok with her then I might agree to the guinea pigs but I definitely wouldn't be entertaining having the dog for two weeks! Especially not with a baby.
Alternatively, she can put the dogs in kennels and one of her family members can have the guinea pigs. It doesn't matter if they're working then.

Clymene · 26/08/2023 10:49

No fucking way. Bet she didn't book pet care at all and was just hoping to guilt trip you into doing it

Dotcheck · 26/08/2023 10:52

If the dog was bought when your husband was with her, then I agree that it is partially his responsibility too. Did he swan off and leave her with the responsibility of pets?

If she was going on her own, and the children were with you two, then I could understand her asking ( if the children were old enough to do most).

Could your husband do all the looking after while he is home, and the dog go into kennels while he is away? Or go to other relatives for that time?

musicforthesoul · 26/08/2023 10:52

It's up to you if youd be the one doing all the work.

She isnt necessarily trying to pull a fast one or get out of paying, she might be right that there's no paid options available now, I'd be more surprised if any half way decent kennels/dog sitters were available short notice at this time of year. Doesn't make it your problem though if you don't want to do it.

miniegg3 · 26/08/2023 10:55

Nope.. her pets, her problem

JudgeRudy · 26/08/2023 10:59

Alf1 · 26/08/2023 08:37

My husbands ex and their child together are going on holiday for two weeks and their pet care has apparently fallen through.

We are now being asked to take them, it's an older dog and two guinea pigs.

My husband has said it's up to me as he works all week, even staying away overnight for 3 of the nights with work, and I'm at home with our baby.

I've said no. She's now saying she will have to cancel the holiday and acting as though it's our fault. She has family but apparently all of them are working so can't do it and we're (I'm the only option).

DH feeling guilty in case DSD misses out on a holiday, I think she'll sort it she's just putting the pressure on the easiest candidate.

I don't want the responsibility of a random dog I don't know to walk twice a day with a pram and dog shit to clean up in the garden and two guinea pigs to clean out etc . We have specifically held off getting a pet ourselves as it would be too much right now.

I also know what his ex can be like and feel like if I say yes and open the floodgates we'll be asked every time.

Surely if you decide to get pets this is one of the consequences? It's not as easy to go away and you have to have solid plans in place (her existing plan sounded a bit flakey at best).

I'd take the GPs but not the dog. Unless it was an absolute emergency I'd never take a dog.There are numerous valid reasons why you would not agree to do this. You dont need to explain. If its such a minor inconvenience theyll have no trouble finding someone else to do the favour. Don't get drawn into the argument about will/won't SD be able to go on holiday. That's nothing to do with you.

CurlewKate · 26/08/2023 11:04

I'm usually a "hey, if it makes life easier if I can I will" person. But even I wouldn't take on a dog I don't know for a week. Absolutely no way. Probably not even a dog I did know with a baby. I might take the Guinea pigs. Might.

knobkopf · 26/08/2023 11:53

Like most of the others, I wouldn't take a dog for a week. I don't have any experience with looking after dogs (don't know whether you do). I think you do need some experience to care for a random dog. I certainly wouldn't take in a random dog with a baby in the house as you have no idea how the dog will react if they aren't used to babies. Can't be trusted.

I might possibly take the guinea pigs.

The dog will have to go in a kennel, like every other dog has to when there's no one to look after it.
I have cats and I have a few possible babysitters for when I'm away but I also have a fall back plan of a cattery in case no one can look after them and I would, in the worst case scenario, have to cancel my holiday if there was nowhere for them to go.

The ex is being manipulative, trying to pull on the heart strings, saying they'll have to cancel the holiday. Don't give in or you'll have this happen every single time they go away.

SeulementUneFois · 26/08/2023 11:58

"
The ex is being manipulative, trying to pull on the heart strings, saying they'll have to cancel the holiday. Don't give in or you'll have this happen every single time they go away."

This OP.
Don't take any of them.

yogasaurus · 26/08/2023 12:00

I've said no. She's now saying she will have to cancel the holiday and acting as though it's our fault. She has family but apparently all of them are working so can't do it and we're (I'm the only option).

Let her guilt trip her own family or pay for pet care like everyone else

Yanbu, stand your ground. She’ll find an option, they always do.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 26/08/2023 12:02

YANBU. But could you offer to take the Guinea pigs? As a rodent lover myself, these are super animals, but hard to find carers for. They are not hard to care for. Though you would need to read up a bit about what to do. Surely she can pay for kennels for the dog? The Guinea pigs would be harder to find a carer for at short notice potentially. I acknowledge that kennels might be booked up, but worth a try.

billy1966 · 26/08/2023 12:06

If she does this once it will be expected of her going forward.

You choose to have animals, you pay for them to be looked after, not imposing on others.

This woman is nothing to the OP.
She is busy with a baby.

She has better things to be doing than animal sitting.

Not a chance would I consider it OP.

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