Holidays with ex AIBU to say no

[chubbychopsticks]

Long story but will keep as brief as possible. Planning a holiday with DS15 who I have 100% custody. Ex is a not someone that can easily get on with unless on his terms. Always picks fights and has ruined more than one holiday, especially Christmas and birthdays. They seem to trigger something and ex can't stand the happiness around these events.

Last holiday ex joined. It was a week away. I paid everything. Which I happily did to avoid drama. It was a complete disaster. Returned home after a few days it was so unbearable. So much so I have limited contact. And removed myself from any communication other than essential. In a word I'm done.

Planning another trip away DS accidentally mentioned it as ex planning a visit (visits once or twice a year). Rather than come after holiday away wants to join in for some of our holiday. AIBU to say no. We will be with my family and they don't like him.

I don't think I ABU. Just wanting to have some perspective because I'll be the worst person in the world if I say no.

Of course YANBU. This is madness. Sounds like ex wants to continue ruining your happy times. Tell your DS absolutely not. When you say he wants to join the holiday, does he want to stay at the same hotel? Or same villa?

I wouldn’t even want to meet him out for a meal.

Ha!! Not a bloody chance I'd have an ex join my holiday. Flat no. That's utterly bonkers.

He just wants to ruin your holiday! Of course he can't come. What an idiot

Of course yanbu! No way to him scrounging a free holiday and being a dick.

Yanbu. Say no and say it loudly.

You WOULD be unreasonable if you considered this ever again.

No, you know it doesn’t work and it’s really not normal to still be holidaying with your ex anyway? There’s a reason you broke up right? Holidays are part of the splitting up deal, no more ruining your happy times!

OP in your legal agreement of residency does it include your ability to travel with your DC without permission? If so I don't see why you are even telling him or negotiating this. Believe me I know it's hard I am a lone parent with full custody.

No way!!! Nip it in the bud now and make sure he has no details of where you are going.

Sounds like he's your ex for really good reasons.

That means he doesn't get to be with you anymore. At all. Especially on holiday.

It's outrageous that he's even asked. Especially after the last trip.

Absolutely not.

What utter madness.

You would be so wrong to inflict him on your family.

I'll be the worst person in the world if I say no

Who will say this? The man you disliked so much you have split up from him?

You would be massively unreasonable to say yes to his unreasonable demand. Fuck that. He's ruined enough of your holidays already and he's your ex. There's no good reason on earth why you should let him come with you AT ALL. Stand your ground. He has zero hold over you.

I'll be the worst person in the world if I say no

He's already the worst for asking. Why do you give a shit what he thinks?

That you even think there’s a chance you might be a terrible person for not allowing this horrible cunt to gatecrash and seek to ruin your holiday, that you’ve paid for, suggests you’re really damaged by the relationship with him.

Thanks all. I know I'm making the right decision in saying no.

Ex just has a way of making me seem unreasonable if I disagree. Even when I know I'm not being unreasonable.

I do have all rights in relation to DS, so can travel. We are travelling in the same country anyway. DS doesn't really want to see his dad either and is almost old enough if not old enough to make own decisions in seeing him or not. Another story!

It'll be a very strong No to ex. Thanks for your perspectives!!