To be annoyed that i'm the one who's up with DS at 6.30am???

[Emprexia]

Ok ladies...

DH works nights, he got home at 7am Friday morning and DS woke up at 7.45.. DH let me sleep in until 11am, then went to bed.

He slept until 8pm!!!

Between neigbours and bad weather, DS woke up a couple of times overnight, so i didn't get to sleep until 2am this morning

DH came to bed at 4am.

DS woke up at 5.40... i spent 40 minutes trying to get him to settle but he was fidgeting so DH told him off and because he started crying, i had to bring him downstairs.

Now considering he's had 8.5 hours sleep during Friday day, i think HE should be the one sat here trying to get DS back to sleep!

What do y'all think? AIBU?

It's hard when you've got different sleep patterns. Perhaps in future DH should be doing the settling in the evenings, so you could have gone to bed at say 10pm, then getting up at 5.40am would have been fine.

Are you BU? It's a difficult one here I think. Probably not, but then neither is your DH. Just unfortunate.

Well I don't think YABU.

But then I'm annoyed with my dh too. We have a 2.4 yr old and 3week old and it was his turn to have a lie in today but it was supposed to be so he could catch up on some sleep.

So I am more than a teeny bit peed off that he didn't actually go to bed until after midnight!

And if he complains again about being tired (ffs he hasn't got a clue ) I cannot be responsible for my actions.

my argument laura, is had it been a normal working night for DH, he would have been up until 9am anyway... so its within his usual 'awake' time of the day.

They never do though so they Dontlookatme.

I make sure he gets at least 7-9 hours sleep everyday, then he bitches at me when i ask him if he'll give DS his breakfast while i get a bit more sleep of a morning.

He doesn't come to bed til 9am at the earliest, although its usually 10am.. so i don't see why we should both be awake!

Going to put the cat amongst the pigeons now. Have you ever worked nights? Believe me, after a 12 hour shift and a drive home I could hardly coordinate let alone look after a crying baby.

Cut your dh a bit of slack here. Nights mess with your sleeping patterns and you feel as if you have permanant jet let.

YANBU but neither is he. It is just unfortunate circumstances.

In my own sleep deprived fog, I can't work out which is fairest. But I share your pain. Being tired and dealing a child is the pits.

I am however a bit at you getting to go back to bed yesterday till 11. I don't remember what that is like....

I think you are being a little bit unreasonable, my dh doesn't work nights but he works shifts that sometimes start as early as 4.45am and other times don't finish until 1am, he really struggles with the late shifts, especially as he often has to get up to take the dd's to school as I start work at 8am, his sleep patterns become really messed up, sometimes he goes straight to bed when he gets in at 1am, other times he can't sleep until about 4am which means after taking the dd's to school the next morning he has to sleep until just before he starts work again. I always make sure that when I'm at home at the weekend dh gets a lie in even if it is a time when he would be awake if working.

ive worked lots of night shift and mixed upo with day shifts etc. and shift work does totally F with your body clock. i got really run down with the over tiredness etc. takes forever to get used to.

but i've since had dc and lemme tell you, shift work was a picnic compared to the amount of sleep in ridiculous and unpredicably short chunks that you get then.

so no, i dont think yabu... i think maybe he feels he deserves more sleep coz hes tired too, but tbh, i think your comment 'he hasnt got a clue' is spot on, speaking from my own experience that is.

BOT try working shift work and also looking after children. Guaranteed to shorten life expectancy!!!

In my next life I am coming back as a pampered cat.

You don't mention whether you work outside the home Kaishay, but if not, then yes, I think YABU. When I was staying home (which was only on maternity leaves for my 3 dcs, I took responsibility for the night time wake ups, early mornings etc. I think it's only reasonable. Not because staying at home is easy, it's a different sort of work, but ultimately you don;t have the pressure of having to drive safely to work, be answerable to your superiors, and take responsibility for whatever your working life involves. It's very easy to slip into the way of thinking when you're the one staying at home, that your partner has it easy being at work. It isnt. It has different pressures. Tbh, if you are working too, and having to juggle dh's shift patterns, childcare and YOUR job, then I think you have a point, but if you have chosen to take the home responsibilities, then you just have to take the rough with the smooth.

I think yabu, but you are tired and that makes you moody.
Hopefully you will get a lay-in tomorrow

I would like to add that my dh used to work nights and he always needed motre sleep than when he worked days.
Also, your body clock is in tune with ds's so you could just have an early night iyswim

YABU because night shifts are utterly foul, sorry, but Y husband is also BU because HE should have been settling your ds if he was awake anyway.

You have a lovely long lie in tomorrow, anyway, surely/

DH had 8 hours yesterday, but you also got a marathon lie in until 11 am. I think there are loads of parents who would think they;ve died and gone to heaven to get a lie in to 11am.

Assuming you went to bed at midnight on Thursday night, then you got 11 hours sleep THur/Friday and he got 9 hours. So I think it was fair for him to get the longer sleep this morning.

i'd be over the moon to get a lie in until 6:30 am.

sorry but i think yabu

If i could go to sleep at midnight it'd be a small miracle soapbox.

The only reason i got that lie in is because DS is teething and had me awake most of the night.. even with the lie-in i still only had 6.5 hours sleep.

Kaishay, I think it is quite dangerous in a relationship to keep score over sleep like that.
Can lead to resentment and bad atmosphere.
I would try to get to bed earlier if I were you.

What stops you getting to sleep at midnight Kaishay? Can you dose DS up on calpol/nuerofen to help with the teething pain?

In any case, most parents have to cope with both the sleepless nights and the early starts too - so an 11am lie in is still like gold dust for most

Anyway, in terms of resolving it, why don't you agree with DH that 3 mornings a week (and say which ones would work best for you) he will take DS when he wakes and let you have a lie in. Then the other mornings he can go to bed as soon as he gets in. That way, you can have the discussion at a time when both of you are relaxed rather than in the heat of the early morning wake-up!

6.5 hrs sleep would be agood night for me.

I agree with mrsgruffalo, keeping a tally on who sleeps the most is one way to cause BIG problems.

Yeap, definitely don't turn this into point scoring. If you do, your dh may well turn around and tell you to work outside the home so there's more equity in the pressure of earning!!
Marriage and parenting is about finding an arrangement that works best for all of you. And being aware that it's a constantly evolving process, so what works this year may not be what works best in 3 years time. You're obviously feeling resentful of your dh, but counting up who has the most sleep is a sure way to end up resenting each other even more

honest question;
would keeping tally cause BIG problems because youd be bound to be getting the raw deal most of the time, then youd know rather than suspect it to be so?

sorry, am feeling contrary today.

i used to feel resentful towards my dp about this also but to be honest there body clocks get ruined by night work so is very hard for my dp to feel normal after doing nights

dont resent getting up as he is working and when coming home from nights you say he sits up till eleven when he must be shattered

so he is helping where possible do not point score i do this you do this i do more than you as you are not working full night shifts he is

one parent has to be the one to get up and unfortuanatly mums are normally the one who pulls short straw on this but i now just get on with it as he works hard gives me time where possible

i go to bed earlier if i fel ds may wake in night

i make sure dp has ds when he is not working

if you are not working then you can have afairly lazy day if tired where dh will have to do full shift at work

try not to do the resentment thing support each other and do what you both have to do with out picking he is working hard after all and nights are very hard to adjust back to normality from

I've been getting up at 6.30 and earlier, 6 days a week for years now (plus the usual disturbed nights)

Tbh I think you can only expect to have one lie in per week when you have young children.

The reason i can't go to bed at midnight is because of DS waking up, and noisy neighbours.

but also because of my own body clock.. i spent so many years working lates myself that even after 18mo of being a mom, i can't sleep before 1am, if i do, i wake up about 3am and am awake all night then.

well i think your just very tired but its not dh fault so try not to take it out on him

i always feel sorry for myself as dp works away night 20 hr shifts so i have never had a lay in in 3 yrs but ive become adjuted and sleep when i can

resentment changes nothing it doesnt help as he too is tired from working so rest when you can and try a relaxing bath hot chocolate and bed

i would do anything to try and sleep

as when your tired you do take it out on people closest and your dp sounds good to let you sleep in till 11 which would give you more sleep than he gets when he goes to bed

my dp would go straight to bed i would never have expected him to stay up when he gets home as i say i might be tired but i know my day will be more relaxing than his