Does anyone feel the world is so competitive and you simply are not good enough

[imissedallthememos]

I am trying to keep my sense of humour and keep going, but it's hard. Everything I do seems to be not good enough, there is so much competition for every job and every opportunity and every flipping thing. Just got rejected from a short training course and whatever, it's ok, but my confidence is pretty low in general and that is because I'm just so chronically unsuccessful. At everything.

It would be unrealistic to have any confidence when I'm obviously so subpar and rejected all the time, but how can you develop confidence if you can't get opportunities?

It's like nothing I say or do is good enough and it makes it very hard to keep trying and not just wither on the couch where it is at least safe.

Even when I'm sort of good enough at something, at the actual skill of the thing, I'm STILL not good enough as a recent example shows. I went horse riding for the first time in years as a nice thing to do to enjoy myself and the lady teaching was like wow you ride really well, the horse is going so nicely for you. Then at the end of the ride, I can't even remember how this came up but she suddenly said oh you really don't look like you belong here. I'm still not sure what she meant but I imagine it is because I am not polished and groomed with expensive riding kit like the place we were in. Again, it doesn't really matter as I loved my hour riding regardless...but it's just another example of how I am never quite right according to others

Does anyone else ever feel anything similar? How do you brush it off and keep going?

I hear you - I think the wider world, online world and some strangers can seem deeply unpleasant at times! Even just driving about, it can feel like all anyone wants to do is cut me up, race me or be generally aggressive when I'm just minding my own business!

I retain my faith in human nature by investing in relationships with good, decent, kind people, and looking for those traits in others I know less well. I usually find that, on balance, there are more people who seem to want to wish me well than ill when I get chance to actually speak with them. I also reassure myself that on rare occasions when I have needed help from strangers, it has been forthcoming.

Do you have good people around you who can give you a boost when the world seems cruel?

I feel like I have not got enough money and i'm so far behind building wealth

@LadyBumps yeah I'd agree with you there, that on balance most people you meet out and about are basically decent. I'm sorry you have had a tough time when driving though!

I do have a lovely partner who gives me a boost, but it's more that I don't measure up in a hyper competitive world I think and not people trying to be cruel.

I guess it's that people will always choose the best people whose face also fits maybe?

It's very hard and worrying not having enough money, I'm sorry.

I haven't built any wealth either.

Do you think it could be partly a confidence thing, which would be a vicious circle - you lack a bit of confidence so don't sell yourself and then miss out on things which ruins your confidence even more?

Could you invest in a bit of counselling with someone who specialises in self esteem? Just a few sessions could help you potentially identify your triggers for low self confidence and encourage you to appear more sure of yourself. People are drawn to confident, self assured people and I think that makes you more likely to be chosen for things.

I hear you OP and anytime I feel inadequate I try and practice gratitude and remember I am good enough exactly as I am! You don’t need to be anything other than yourself!

getting rejected repeatedly is bound to get you down. Remember that you are good enough, your partner thinks you are good enough, you are making your way in the world and you are a kind, honest and decent person.
if you love horse riding then go again - find another less snooty school that deserves your money.
find the things you are good at and nurture those

I agree OP. Don't have a good answer, sorry.

Aw OP you sound like a really lovely person.

Life does just seem like one big competition. It can get wearing and tedious.

The answer is, of course, to not care about other people's opinions. But it's the actually doing that which is the hard bit.

The horse riding lady sounds mean, or like she communicated poorly. Either way, it's not actually a judgement on you, and even if she meant it to be, that doesn't mean you have to take it as one. Basically, you can't control how other people behave, but you can control your response to their behaviour. Rude lady? Think "ach well, her rudeness doesn't affect my life, I'll carry on acting exactly as I want to anyway."

You are a human being, of exactly equal value to every other human on the planet. Regardless of achievement, wealth, friendships, etc. You are equally valuable. See yourself as such! Don't allow other humans to cause you to see yourself as less than equal. Just refuse.

I appreciate it is easier said than done though.

Yes!

I’m in the process of changing careers having spent the last six years doing a part time degree. I’m looking at various graduate programmes and I’m so sick of reading things like “this is a highly-competitive programme” and “we receive thousands of applications but only have five places”. I feel like giving up before I’ve even started.

I’ve worked so hard and I really do believe I am good enough, but all the effort involved in jumping through the hoops is exhausting.

I also hate the whole performance of selling myself to employers.

I feel like if I were 21 I’d be ok with all this, but I’m not. I’m tired and weary. I just want a job that I find vaguely interesting which pays me enough to not constantly worry about money, but it feels too much to ask sometimes.

And how mortifying for that horse lady. Imagine being so utterly tactless. Go back and hold your head high doing what you enjoy and clearly excel in.