To think some people need to reasses what a good father is?

[Pebblepaint]

There's someone in my social circle who "everyone" says is a wonderful father to his 6yo daughter. He split with her mother when she was a baby, but is very involved with his "princess" and brings her to lots of events which it may well be easier for him to attend alone. He's fun, makes her laugh, keeps her clean, fed, well presented, supports her school work, takes her to the zoo etc etc. LO and his brilliant parenting gets him lots of female attention, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence/bonus...

He treated her mother appallingly with a long running affair that everyone knew/suspected and he gaslight her about. The OW was flaunted in front of her because they were "just friends" even though it was obvious they weren't. OW was even babysitting.

Now he is officially with OW and he treats her badly too. Is very controlling, isn't faithful, uses her a lot for childcare e.g. when "he" brings child to these events it's usually his new partner who's doing all the running about after DD.

I don't know how he can be a good father when the example he is setting is that this is the way this special man, her hero, treats women. Surely he's setting her up to expect to be treated the same way and this is how we end up with the cycle of women who either stay in abusive relationships or move from one awful man to the next.

I've tried challenging this view with a friend (who was gushing over how wonderful he is with LO) but she didn't get it at all, seeing his relationships with DD and adult women as entirely unrelated.

They don't fool me. My father was/ is like this . I am NC . to look at his FB, you'd think he was grandparent \ dad of the year. My golden child sibling gushes and sings his praises so his acolytes think he's wonderful.

Yeah, I work with a guy who has had three affairs, drags his daughter from family to family to family and moves on whenever his dick gets bored.

He punts photos of his daughter every day on LinkedIn, using his 'devoted dad' persona to give business lessons to his followers.

It's gross.

Even on MN, the bar for what makes a "fantastic dad" is shockingly low.

You're right; he's definitely a top of the range twat. And his DD will most likely end up being treated like crap by partners who are just like him, because thats how she thinks men should behave. Poor kid.

The fact alot of women seem to think he's a great guy, says more about them than it does him. They remind me of the kind of women who write to serial killers in prison. (obvs I'm not saying this guys the yorkshire ripper or anything, just a crap person) God knows what goes on in their heads, its sad af. Leave them to it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I see this a lot on MN. A poster states that her partner or ex partner is a great dad and then sets out a bunch of behaviours that show he is a shit who occasionally pays his offspring a bit of attention and is lauded for it. Being a great dad takes a lot more than buying presents or occasionally playing with your own kid.

You see it all the time though.

"He couldn't cope with the fact the baby had a disability, so we're no longer together. But he sees them once a month and he's a fantastic daddy". Was one I actually saw in a paper one.
I wanted to say that at the point he cleared off because the baby had a disability excluded him from any possibility that he was a fantastic daddy.

Totally. He's had three affairs and regularly uses coke and has just lost his job...but he's a great dad.

Nah, he's an irresponsible cock, and sitting on his phone while the kids play around his feet doesn't change that fact.

My ex used to do this - he left me and the kids for OW and saw his children every other weekend. He was a total Disney dad and would plaster their trips to the zoo and swimming and mcDonald's on Facebook and would get sooooo many comments about what an amazing dad he was.

He saw them twice a month! He wasn't there for school, for doctors appointments, for bedtime monsters! Used to absolutely boil my piss.