To be getting fed up of them

[rain3]

Moved to a new area last year and DD started a new school in year 2 in September. I’ve gone out of my way to get friendly with the mums. My DD has fitted right in and is very popular with the other kids and is very happy. I asked her if she wants to go back to old school and response was “NO WAY”.

so all in all I’m happy but I’m really fed up with most of the mothers. I’ve managed to reach out to nearly all the mums and apart from 3 of them the rest of them are like this: don’t respond to my messages for ages, agree a date but don’t tell me the time! Ignore my messages regarding time. I am a highly organised person and I’m thinking it might be just me but I’m really pissed off!

Example: I’ve kept the entire day tomorrow free as arranged a playdate with a child in her class. Mother has made all The right noises like she’s looking forward to it etc. I’ve given her my address but she has not responded with the time! I messaged her again asking what type of food her child likes and if she has allergies/special dietary needs but no response! I messaged again saying just heading to the shops to buy snacks for tomorrow let me know about allergies etc. still no response and it’s nearly 11pm!

am I just expecting too much? Are people just too laid back in her new school? Or subtly trying to tell me they don’t actually want a meet up.

things like this stress me out.

Your highly organised, love entertaining etc is other people’s intense, pushy and slightly intimidating. This is about your daughter and her school experience. It’s not about you making friends with school parents or being “known” or providing “a spread”. If people don’t reply to your messages then just take the hint - the other parents in the class don’t owe you anything, just be content that your child is happy and popular, which is the key thing.

It’s also the summer holidays. I could not be less interested in making precise arrangements for my kids to visit their friends or getting to know other class Mums. I enjoy the time off from schedules, arrangements and school related people. Sure if you message me on a morning and say “we’re going to the park this afternoon, want to come?”, I’ll probably say yes if we’re free. If you message me days ahead about timings of visits and preferred snacks and make noises about putting on something akin to a buffet then unless you’re already my friend or your child is a particular best friend of my child’s then I’m going to mentally write you off as incompatible with how I operate. I’m a “we’re free does John want to come over this afternoon?” and offer John a biscuit or a packet of crisps from what we have in the house type of parent! Nothing wrong with your style if it works for you but it’s not for me.

That said, if I’d agreed a date I’d have agreed a time, that part is rude of them.

Try the dads instead, they’ll be much more on the ball

I think if you’re doing the inviting you also set the time and say what’s happening, as PP said, come round at 12 I’ll do sandwich lunch collect at four, also you must have chatted to them Y school gate and one who’s working , they may not be free to drop off and may have childcare sorted

You've agreed a date for a playdate, asked the parent about times and she hasn't responded.

YANBU. Is she expecting you to be there all day waiting for when it suits her to drop her child?

I don't think I've ever had a child over w/o knowing what time (or at least a window) they will arrive. Even if my teenager is bringing mates home I expect a rough idea of their timings so I can make sure I've got food in.

It’s also the summer holidays. I could not be less interested in making precise arrangements for my kids to visit their friends or getting to know other class Mums.

Whereas for working parents making precise arrangements can be vital if you are to be able to enable your child to see other children during the holidays.
Spontaneity doesn't work for everyone.

I hope OP finds like minded parents who appreciate making definite plans and respond in kind.

She’s cancelled! She sent a message about an hour ago saying she’s really sorry forgot they had previous commitment and wants to meet Monday instead. Thank you for responses everyone good and bad thank you. I’m off to sleep now no point in cleaning house or prepping for food now.

If Monday is ok for you meet Monday clarify everything in one text tell her a time and if there are any allergies etc. good luck

OP I dont understand why you're getting a hard time either. Of course you need to know what time they are coming and what food they eat! If that was a thread about inviting ab adult friend over, you'd have been told your friend is flaky or CF to keep you hanging and wasting your time, that gnrh are unreliable. But as soon as you mention child playdate, mumsnet "rules" turn different.
If you had invited me and my DC, I'd have 100% responded to sort out time so it's clear and convenient for everyone. I'd have also thought you were very sweet and considerate to check what food we like/are able to eat.

When arranging a play date stipulate the date and time, saying if not convenient please suggest an alternative.