Shouldn’t I feel better by now?

[Rebel1]

I’m 51, single parent of 7 and 5 year old. My husband died 2 years ago. When he first died it was a relief as I’d watched him fight the cancer for 3 years. As the months have gone by I have missed him more and more. I find everything hard. Sometimes I haven’t showered for a week. I cry often. I find the kid’s behaviour challenging. I’ve tried hard to keep going, keep the kids fed and clean for school. Even my mother has said Come on it’s been 2 years! Shouldn’t I feel better by now?

Not unreasonable. Only you know what you have lost.

Do you eat well, sleep well, exercise, force yourself to see friends, be kind to yourself?

Oh love not at all. Your children are still so young.
Have you had any bereavement counselling at all?

I don’t think there is a set time of when you will feel better. That sounds tough. Have you had bereavement counselling?

Sorry for your loss

It took me three years to get over a summer romance. I wouldn’t like to place a time limit on grief over the loss of a husband.

YANBU as grief has no time limit but it sounds like you need some grief counselling to process what you've been through and to find a way forward (which I'm sure your husband would want) and you and your children need. Sending you much love xx

No. It is too soon for it to get easier. In fact for me the second and third year were the hardest. So many 'firsts' in year one then you get through those and I thought 'I have proved I can cope now come back please'.

Have you heard of Widowed and Young? I recommend joining them.

Be kind to yourself.

There's no timeline on grief lovely. I'm sorry for your loss

There isn't any time on grief. It not sinwthun you can force. I am.going through grief at the moment of a partner. We were together two years. Did not live together nor have children together, but nearli 2yrs on it still makes me cry and I have lost my love of living. I would say focusing on your children is onli natural. I do shower and do things but if I had my way would lie in bed instead of going out, on holiday or socialising. Grief is something we learn to live with rather than get over. Be kind to yourself. I signed up for Sue Ryder grief support txts. Is that something you might find useful? Thinkin of you OP

Thank you so much for your kind replies. Sorry to hear about your other losses. Sadly a lot of friends have dropped away as they often do. I have made new ‘mum friends’ but rarely get out of an evening due to lack of babysitters. I do try to eat/sleep/exercise well. It seems that grief counselling may well be the thing I’m missing.

Op, grief can be so debilitating, and I wonder if peri-menopause/menopause is also massively contributing to your overall health and mental health. You may want to go to a private menopause clinic to get their input.

I hope you can get some support, it takes as long as it takes. I’m sorry for your loss

https://www.cruse.org.uk/