to being thinking in bitter ways after a miscarriage - i think im gonna go to hell.

[chelle7184]

Here's the story ladies, i really have to get this off my chest to someone and you guys are very good listeners.

3 weeks ago i miscarried at 7 weeks, obviously i was very upset. i felt like it didnt matter to people because i was early on.

6months previous - my mans sister in law had a miscarriage - everyone was all over her( on his side), delivering flowers and visits. she has just miscarried again last week ( sad, i know) and same things happened again - im shoved outta the picture!!!!

his family say im imagining it but i feel like i was told to get on with it and that mines didnt matter and that it "was one of natures things" but when it happens to her - all hell breaks loose.

I am being unreasonable? - I feel like i have alot of jealousy(dnt mean to be), anger and sadness inside me that noone cares enough to do those things for me???

I'm a bad person aint I!!!!

Thanks for listening guys!!! xxxxxxxxx

Hi Chelle, NO you are no a bad person.
You are definately not being reasonable at all. You have had a bereavement. I don't think you are jealous either, I think you just need someone to look after you for a bit.
I have had 3 miscarriages, and the same thing happened to me. I was expected to just get on with it, while three friends got so much sympathy from our friends while I was ignored. The third time, one so-called friend even said to me 'well you are used to it now'. Now looking back, I am glad that I had that private time to mourn for my children. Now I think I have a special relationship with them all of my own, and no-one else has a right to them, not even dh. I love them, I mourned for them, I buried them and I cried for them, I miss them.
You have just lost your child, give yourself time to grieve, and never feel like a bad person for the way that grief manifests itself.
You baby was beautiful, you were good enough to know that child, no-one else was.
Take care of yourself.

SORRY!
YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!

NYANBU not at all!!! You need time to grieve, and don't let what's happened take away from this.

Maybe they just think you're a stronger person and are able to get over this with less support. Are you able to spend time with your SIL to help each other through? (forgive me if that's a stupid suggestion).

Big hugs for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss, I have two m/c and an ectopic. I also felt like most people brushed it under the carpet. However one thing in hindsight I realised that I did was, I did a good job of making people think I was handling it, and so they probably felt that it was ok not to go all emotional around me.

Are you giving out a true impression of the way you feel about your loss? Is your SIL crying and talking openly in public about her loss?

I have learned that people really cant read my mind and if I need comfort and attention that I have to ask for it, let people know how I am feeling.

I hope that you get preg again soon and have a healthy pregnancy.

xx

my sister in law is very private and has not been talking about what has happened (not to me anyways), i dont know why they are treating me differntly. I have maybe given off the impression that I have been handling it a bit better than her but its nice to be asked - I dont want flowers etc - its the principal - annoyed the bloody hell outta me.

I feel like im carrying the world on my shoulders just now and that noone can help me. Were trying to conceive again and im also worried that because she has miscarried again - it could happen to me - next time im just gonna shut them all out

gonna wait til i have my 12 wk scan and maybe tell them all then - I am a spitful bitch but i think its the only way i feel like ive got them back for how theyve all treated me!!!!

Chelle you are not spiteful at all, you are just sad.

If you want to wait till 12 week scan then do that.

I had my first m/c at 7 weeks and I got preg again withing 2 months. I know lots of people that lost there first pregnancy.

Best thing to do is get right back on TTC as soon as you have the all clear from the docs.

To be honest, try not to focus anger on them try to be positive towards getting preg, anger is such a waste of time in these situations.

If you really feel so strongly why don't you speak to them or write them a letter.

You need to look ahead, you could be happily pregnant before your SIL and then you will need to have them on side.

What your feeling is totally normal but stressing wont help you relax and TTC.

Anyone who has had a m/c has fears that it will happen again, but in most cases it does not.

be strong and focus on your dreams and plans.

thanks guys - youve gave me really gr8 advice.

Your spot on beeper - I shouldnt be stressing out on what they think about me or what i think about them - im just gonna take a break from it all and concentrate on getting this baby that i want so badly.

When I lost my first one the Dr said to us the vast majority of people will not understand your loss. YANBU. It is the hardest thing to feel like your loss is not acnowledged. Be kind to yourself X

i think you've got to be a bit of a saint not to allow bad feelings into your head when you've just lost a much-wanted pregnancy. whether it's focussing on Sil or just being poisonously jealous of every woman with a bump, it's all normal, really.
i feel for you and i'm sorry that you lost that little baby. i hope that you feel healed soon and that you get your chance next time.

no, you're not unreasonable, or jealous....you're in need of some TLC.
Hope you feel better soon.
Deeeeja...."you're used to it"? Jesus H.....what an appalling thing to say. shocked.

Chelle, i am very sorry for your loss.

I don't have any personal experience of this, so but can imagine how you would feel actually. Maybe because you miscarried early on you might not have told people you were expecting and that would explain things? I'm just saying that to help you not be so personally hurt but i do understand where you are coming from and no you are not being unreasonable. I think it is very normal and acceptable how you are feeling, you must be very sad and a bit bewildered. I am wondering if it is possibly due to partners reactions, and the fact that you probably appear to be able to cope better. Some people wouldnt like all the flowers etc, i'm not sure i would tbh, i remember when my father died, my friends sent flowers etc and i just then felt that i had to acknowledge etc - nightmare. They meant well, but it upset me.

I think the anger and sadness inside you is because you lost your baby, and your ILs reaction is a vent for this, so vent away honey, let them know, look here, im hurting too. Tell your DH how you feel, they might be thinking they are doing the right thing if you see what I mean.

My friend had three miscarraiges where she lost the baby at early stages, terrible for her, her friend and work collegue was pregnant at the same time as the first and her child would have been born at the same time, i remember everyone at work being very supportive the first time, "poor xyz" etc, when she lost the next two they were less sympathetic if you see what i mean, like she must be used to it My heart bled for her. But now she is pregnant, and nearly to term, and its looking good.

I totally understand your feelings, its good that you have vented on here, i think you now have to tell your DH. Just tell him, say help! you are allowed you know. Best of luck honey xxx

I think I know how you feel - I just wanted to say that when I lost my baby at 11 weeks (although the baby died at about 9 weeks but wasnt discovered till we had a scan) I felt that no one really wanted to talk to me about it and all I wanted to do was talk.
I guesse its a difficult subject unless you have been through it. I found it helpful when some of the people I worked with came up to me and told me that they had been through similar things. An amazing number of people have been through it and yet its not something you know about until it happens to you.
It does get better - two months later I was pregnant with dd2 who is now moaning at me - but is perfectly healthy, bouncy and gorgeous.