It’s going to be a long one!!
So my mum has always been a good mum growing up, did everything for me and my brothers. About 10 years ago, when I was 17, my dad suddenly passed away. Up until last summer my mum hadn’t dated and had no interest in dating, even when I encouraged her.
she mentioned in July 2022 that a customer at her work had asked her out a few times and she was considering going on a date with him. I encouraged her.
straight after this first date, he wanted to see her again the next day. She told me how over the first 2 weeks she was unsure of him because of how persistent he was, and she was very independent with her own life, friends, and hobby’s. A week after she said this, I was due down to visit her (she lives 6hrs away) with my 2 young children.
we went down and she asked if I wanted to meet this man and I said it was a bit soon (it had been 3 weeks since she first dated him, I didn’t want my 6mo & 3yo meeting a man who could quickly end up not in the picture and we only get to see my mum 3 times a year so wanted just to spend time with her).
anyways she wasn’t happy about this, and this man was in my mums ear saying ‘well MY kids just want me to be happy, I don’t know why they wouldn’t want to meet me’ etc. he would call her whilst we was visiting her and try and get her to go see him in the evening/ guilt her when she said she was staying in with me. I was still getting my head around her dating too as I didn’t expect it to move so quickly. Fast forward a few weeks and they come up to visit me, I cook them both a nice dinner and he made no effort to speak to me, was very cold and unfriendly.
from that point on, there’s been multiple issues with this man. He has 2 teenage children of his own but insisted on spending 5 days at Xmas with us, only leaving for 1hr Xmas day to see his own kids. He wouldn’t let us just have family time just us, and made my mum feel bad when she discussed with him us having time alone. He’s made multiple comments to my mum bad mouthing my brothers (both are 23 and still living at home- one has special needs), stays at her house EVERY SINGLE DAY (from about 2 months into the relationship), has moved some belongings in, never goes off to see his own friends and gives my mum the silent treatment if she says she’s spending the evening at the cinema with my special needs brother rather than with him. He’s asked her why she is still letting one of my brothers live with her. When I’ve said to her that’s it’s weird how attached he is he told her he has ‘separation anxiety’ - he’s 63! He’s told her that me and my brothers would have an issue with anybody she dated, which is simply not true.
fast forward to May this year and I obviously don’t like the man. I’ve tried to be nice and friendly with him but I can’t look past what’s happened. We was thinking about visiting and asked my mum whilst she was at work (so she wasn’t with him) if this was ok, she said yes would be lovely to see you. The next evening (obviously after speaking to him), she says maybe you shouldn’t come because you won’t accept my boyfriend. Even though I’ve never once been rude to his face or nasty, have always been civil. She said he would be staying every night at hers as usual when we visit and that was non negotiable (he has his own house round the corner). From then on I’ve cut ties. I was sooo hurt, not so much for me, but that I had to tell my now 1yo & 4yo we couldn’t go visit nanny- who like I said, we only get to see about 3 times a year. The fact she would put him before my kids was the last straw for me.
am I being unreasonable? It’s been 3 months since I last spoke to her and I’ve been so much happier cutting that toxic situation out of my life. However my eldest is now asking when we’ll see nanny and I don’t know what to say.
if you’ve made it to the end then thank you!!