to be upset that me being into him is what made him fall in love?

[Chevrotains]

In a relatively new relationship (6 months) and he admitted to me today that when we knew each other at the start I didn't at all cross his mind in a romantic way (it's a bit sad in itself as I was besotted right from the first look ) but that's obviously fine and then when he discusses the turning point he says he developed feelings when it was evident how much I cared about him and wanted to do things with him? He always makes it sound like he only liked me because I liked him...

My DH said the other day that I 'grew on him'!

I laughed - it's true - I take it as a compliment. He didn't realise how great I was until we'd dated for quite a while, and now he can't imagine his life without me 16 years later!

I wouldn't be upset by what your partner told you - honestly, Disney and rom-coms have a lot to answer for...it's not always love and passion at first sight, I think it's lovely that love than grow and you can change so much in someone's eyes once they get to know you.

Hi OP, with respect, I think you are overthinking this!
Surely we all like to be liked and it can make us feel even more strongly about someone, knowing they feel the same way about us.

The question is, what is the relationship like in general and would you really want this idea to spoil it for you?

Sounds like his attraction to you was a grower. As much as it would be nice to feel your partner felt a spark and an instant deep attraction from the first look, it doesn't always happen that way.

I don't think it's the case that he only likes you because you like him. No one can force themselves to like someone in a romantic way. But it sounds like he was more open to thinking of you in a romantic way when he realised you fancy him. Not the most fairytale start, I know, but he obviously has developed a romantic attraction to you, and it's probably better for him to be honest about how it started rather than lie and say he was madly in love the second he met you.

The relationship is good and I am happy, definitely wouldn't want this ruining it. I definitely do value the honesty as well but don't know if I actually now just feel a bit embarrassed!? Hopefully that passes

I actually think that's nice OP. If someone falls for your looks, they can fade over time, but he fell for you as a person. And people who are kind, funny, great company, etc do grow on you. The first time I met my DH I didn't think 'Wow, this is the man for me', but as I got to know him I fell for him as a person - his intelligence, his sense of humour, the way he treated me really well, the stuff we have in common, and I realised how good looking he is too. We've been together more than 20 years.

Put it this way, sounds like when he realised you liked him, this made him see you in that way too - if he wasn't attracted to you, he'd have run a mile! But 6 months later you're still together. Hope you can see the positive and laugh about it in years to come!

Attraction has to serve some kind of vanity or what would be the point?

I wouldn't fall head over heels for someone who was indifferent to me. He saw what a loving and caring person you were and that made him fall in love. Sounds pretty good.

Attraction has to serve some kind of vanity or what would be the point?

I wouldn't fall head over heels for someone who was indifferent to me. He saw what a loving and caring person you were and that made him fall in love. Sounds pretty good.

Jane Austen says similar about Henry Tilney in Northanger Abbey. I don't think there's anything to worry about, OP. Sometimes people need a little encouragement to see what's in front of them.

You're reading far too much into this. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Many, many women (including on Mumsnet, it crops up a lot) will say that they love their partner because 'he'd do anything' for them or 'he goes out of his way to make me happy' or 'he always puts me first'. This is basically the same thing. There are lots of people who didn't see their partner in a romantic way until they realised that this is how partner saw them. Attraction develops over time.

I didn't fancy DP at all when we first met. We'd known each other for a good three months before either of us felt any kind of attraction. We've been together 20 years now!

To give you the opposite view of this, I had no physical attraction to my husband for quite a while. I liked him as a friend, didn't even cross my mind that he was my kind of potential relationship material.

As I got to know him more and he treated me so well and was so in love with me, the physical attraction grew and we have a really solid relationship.

It is one of the things that does make people become attracted to you. It's more common than you would think. It's not as simple as that though, he obviously did like you before that because you can't just force it if there was nothing at all there 😊

I was going to post exactly this! It has always been this way.