To not tell my mother my DS’s gcse results

[TheColourofspring]

My DM is, I suspect, in a coercive relationship. She’s been married to my stepfather for 30 odd years and we have reached the point where EVERYTHING revolves around his kids and grandkids. She hasn’t spent Xmas with me & my sister & my kids for over 10 years despite us constantly asking. She won’t spend her birthday with us etc. Its like we don’t exist. She also spends a lot of time comparing my kids (her grandkids) to his grandkids and making my kids feel shit.

One of his grandkids will do gcses the same time as my DS and I have already pretty much decided that I am not going to share his results with her as it will just be used as another stick to compare/make us feel shit if the results aren’t as good.

Aibu? I am bloody sick of it all and have given up generally so feel like if she can’t be arsed to spend time with us, she loses the right to that kind of information. I have had 30 years of it and I am utterly sick of it.

I have never to,ld my MIL or SIL any of DD’s grades. Not GCSEs, not a levels not her degree classification . One sil in particular was itching to know but as far as I’m concerned it’s nobody’s business but DD’s and it’s not my news to share.

I would just say something along the lines of “he has got what he wanted to get into his course” or similar. She doesn’t need to know the details

I’d tell her he got all nines and has done the best in his whole local authority/ county/region.

Just say he got all 9s. She doesn’t deserve the truth or any opportunity to put him down.

@Orchidflower1 😂 Yes good idea!

Why on earth do you bother with her at all?!

It's only a good idea to tell her he got all 9s if your DS is on board with that, and you're confident that it won't give him the message that you wish he had got all 9s / are disappointed with his actual results.

I would go even further and stop contacting her. Let her do the running.

As pp, no need to tell grades to anyone really.

DS has just done A levels. My stock response was he did great, got the grades he needed and is off to his chosen uni - fantastic.

My toxic DM who loves to compare, but wants to know how her grandkids are better than everyone else's, not as she's pleased for them, but purely it seems so she can show off about them, asked what my DSs cousin got, and I gave the same response ... he did great, got the grades he needed and is off to his chosen uni - fantastic

I don't know what DNs grades were as I never asked SIL, I simply asked if he did ok, and the answer was yes all good off to X Uni.

It's fine to share results with people who care if dc want it shared.

No reason why OP shouldn't share with others who genuinely care.

I would reply DS did well , we are proud of him . I don’t need to share details of grades with you as you usually compare him with other grandkids negatively .

I would say exactly as Loopylambs has suggested. Perfect response

I don’t share my children’s results with anyone. I always give a vague, non-commital response.

Why are you still trying to get her to be bothered about you or your kids? Instead of not telling her some results why don't you just stop telling her anything, or even talking to her. If she wants to know why then tell her.

I am not going to share his results with her

They’re not yours to share anyway.

Just do whatever your DS wants?

They're his results. He can share them if he wishes but I wouldnt otherwise be telling people. Just say he did very well and you are proud of him

Has he actually done GCSes this year? I'm a bit confused

If course you dont have to tell her, you dont have to tell anyone. Is she likely to ask?

Remember they are your sons results so it us up to him to tell his Grandma or not. Keep out of it