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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To ask friend to stop kissing my baby?

25 replies

SophieHope7 · 24/08/2023 10:28

Just that really... Especially his face. She things I'm overreacting as he's not a newborn anymore (he's 4 mos). But I'm not comfortable with it... Now getting really awkward and I feel like I'm nagging. It's not that I'm passing him around, she swoops in when he's being held/in the pram and just grabs his face smothering him. Any tactical advice?

OP posts:
Menopants · 24/08/2023 10:29

tell her to fuck off and respect your wishes

Marcipex · 24/08/2023 10:31

A sharp elbow?

DuchessOfSausage · 24/08/2023 10:32

Not at all. She's disrespectful. Your baby, your rules.
Bin her.

Iclyn · 24/08/2023 10:34

If she doesn't stop when you ask her not to, you are going to have to have stronger words or put you hand / arm across the pram to put up a barrier .

Doggydarling · 24/08/2023 10:34

How do these people exist without constant black eyes? I'd stand between baby and her warning no kisses, if she didn't behave I'd tell her to fuck right off and not see her again, she's no friend if she will not do what you ask regarding your baby.

Seryse · 24/08/2023 10:39

As someone who spent 6 nights in hospital with an 8 week old baby with RSV cause some assclown (mil) kissed the baby when she had a cold and i wasnt in the room - tell her firmly NO kissing. As others have said, if she doesn't listen tell her to fuck off. Your baby, your rules. Watching my baby get various IV lines put in, OptiFlow nasal moist oxygen and fed through an NG tube cause he was too weak to feed was soul destroying, all cause she kissed him.

RonObvious · 24/08/2023 10:42

Menopants · 24/08/2023 10:29

tell her to fuck off and respect your wishes

Short and succinct. I concur.

phoenixrosehere · 24/08/2023 10:45

Not really a friend if she ignores or tells you you’re overreacting over consent of your own child.

It’s a simple ask. I wouldn’t be seeing her anymore if it were me.

Valerie23 · 24/08/2023 10:46

I've never missed any of my friends babies.

That's just odd.

Tell her to stop. If she doesn't, you physically prevent her.

ManateeFair · 24/08/2023 10:47

If one of my friends said I couldn't kiss their baby I might think they were being a bit precious, but I would certainly keep that thought to myself! I'd say 'Oh, I'm so sorry - I didn't realise. I won't do it again' and I'd respect their wishes, with no argument.

It's your baby. Ultimately, if you don't want your friend to kiss them, for any reason, it's entirely your call and your friend needs to accept that.

Sayitaintso33 · 24/08/2023 10:50

It is unreasonable, but you have the right to be unreasonable and she should respect what you ask of her.

AffableApple · 24/08/2023 10:50

You tell her: "I'm not asking you, Nina. I'm telling you. Stop putting your germy, manky, mouth juice all over my baby, you thick-skinned, disrespectful bitch. Now leave."

SophieHope7 · 24/08/2023 10:52

Seryse · 24/08/2023 10:39

As someone who spent 6 nights in hospital with an 8 week old baby with RSV cause some assclown (mil) kissed the baby when she had a cold and i wasnt in the room - tell her firmly NO kissing. As others have said, if she doesn't listen tell her to fuck off. Your baby, your rules. Watching my baby get various IV lines put in, OptiFlow nasal moist oxygen and fed through an NG tube cause he was too weak to feed was soul destroying, all cause she kissed him.

Oh gosh this! Your poor kid.... Did you tell your MiL she caused this?

OP posts:
AffableApple · 24/08/2023 10:52

Menopants · 24/08/2023 10:29

tell her to fuck off and respect your wishes

Or this.

SophieHope7 · 24/08/2023 10:53

OK thanks all! I am feeling affirmed in my decision. Same friend was also a belly rubber when I was pregnant... I think some people don't know their boundaries

OP posts:
Errwrong · 24/08/2023 10:54

Sling baby.
I'm sorry these people who don't understand consent exist but there's a lot about.
My baby was landed on hospital TWICE because of these idiots and mil still winges she can't overrule my children's boundaries and kiss against consent (older children get to have their own say and don't want her disgusting salvia all over them either)

Sayitaintso33 · 24/08/2023 11:04

Errwrong · 24/08/2023 10:54

Sling baby.
I'm sorry these people who don't understand consent exist but there's a lot about.
My baby was landed on hospital TWICE because of these idiots and mil still winges she can't overrule my children's boundaries and kiss against consent (older children get to have their own say and don't want her disgusting salvia all over them either)

It is very unreasonable to describe your MIL's saliva as disgusting. You are demonising her.

Seryse · 24/08/2023 11:04

SophieHope7 · 24/08/2023 10:52

Oh gosh this! Your poor kid.... Did you tell your MiL she caused this?

She denied it when I lost it and phoned her. The day she was here she looked a bit run down (you know that way when you know you're about to be smacked with a shitty cold) so I told her, politely but firmly, be careful, wash your hands and no kissing please (I'd already made it clear from when he was born any lips go on my baby, my foot goes up the ass of the owner of said mouth). I was in the kitchen making us a cuppa and heard the kissing sounds, looked round and yup 😑told her to stop, which she did - you can imagine the atmosphere after that lol.

Next day she calls sounding like absolute death, to the stage where I actually dropped off a wee bag of goodies to help the cold and cheer her up cause I felt rotten for her. By 9pm that night bubs temp was 38.7 and we were in kids a&e. Can honestly say they were the worst days staring at the oxygen monitor and watching it bounce (I did 10 years in labour ward delivering babies so the machines are normal to me, just not on MY baby). I video called her to show her how bad it was and she went completely denial mode "oh the weather.... maybe you didn't dry him properly after his bath." He's 15 months now and a fucking wrecking ball so he's fine, I still have mental scars after it, and it's the only time I've ever seen his dad cry, ever, he watched while they put the NG tube in (tube that goes down baby's nose into tummy to feed them, I'm kinda numb to that thanks to work) and it's literally rhe only time I've ever seen him break. Told his mum that and she still pleads ignorance. Twats.

We have a 12 week old daughter now too, mil bend over once to kiss her the day I got out the hospital but shit herself when I stood up and said no remember rhe last time I asked you not to do that.

Please be firm, that's your baby its your rules or get the fuck out my house. Obviously my case was unlucky/extreme, but it shows how it CAN go. Maybe tell your friend "oh a lass off the forum was falling about her wee boy..." and tell her our story, might be the jolt she needs to understand?.... though again, your baby - she should respect your choices regardless, some folk just need a bit more of a boot upthe arse.

Errwrong · 24/08/2023 11:10

Sayitaintso33 · 24/08/2023 11:04

It is very unreasonable to describe your MIL's saliva as disgusting. You are demonising her.

Saliva harms small babies.
People who cause me to spend hospital time with my babies because of their lack of consent don't get respect.
I suspect you are one that could do with some education. Saliva can kill small babies. Go do some homework.

DinoMummsy · 24/08/2023 13:06

Menopants · 24/08/2023 10:29

tell her to fuck off and respect your wishes

This ☝️

Helenahandkart · 24/08/2023 13:20

No one should be kissing little babies. My friend’s baby died after contracting the cold sore virus. I don’t get how people think they’re entitled to do this, particularly when they’ve been asked not to.

huggiess · 24/08/2023 13:49

My sister kissed my baby on the lips when she was 6 weeks old. And people on here told me I was overreacting!! I told her politely not to do it and she got really defensive and actually told me I needed to chill out and that my anxiety is out of control lol 🤦‍♀️

ButterCrackers · 24/08/2023 13:53

Tell her not to kiss your baby. Say that it’s to prevent germs/viruses. Ask her to wave at him instead as this is good for his development stage.

ButterCrackers · 24/08/2023 13:55

huggiess · 24/08/2023 13:49

My sister kissed my baby on the lips when she was 6 weeks old. And people on here told me I was overreacting!! I told her politely not to do it and she got really defensive and actually told me I needed to chill out and that my anxiety is out of control lol 🤦‍♀️

You were not over reacting at all. So many germs/viruses are passed along with a significant viral load by kissing. There is better chance to fight off easily a cold/covid with a lower viral load from the air.

crumblylancs · 24/08/2023 15:23

I just don't get the need to kiss kids and babies

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