To ask teacher to separate the kids.

EVHead · 24/08/2023 08:28

No - you need to let the teacher deal with it. Let them settle in and speak to the teacher as and when issues arise.

Summerishere123 · 24/08/2023 08:30

~No. Just tell your child to stay away from her.

cansu · 24/08/2023 08:31

You could maybe just send a brief note saying that there have been a few friendship problems could they avoid seating them together.

CurlewKate · 24/08/2023 08:33

Sounds like you and the other mother should back right off and let the kids get on with it.

Duechristmas · 24/08/2023 08:33

Just keep your distance, encourage your kid to play with others and hopefully the issues outside of school won't spill over into school.

Passerillage · 24/08/2023 08:37

If they haven't been put together, then I would leave well enough alone for now, and if they ARE seated together at some point, tell the teacher. I feel like you have so many "passes" as a parent with a teacher before you become annoying, so I would save this one for when it's actually needed!

Georgeandzippyzoo · 24/08/2023 08:38

I'd send a message just saying there have been a few issues outside of school, you hope there won't be any issues at school but just wanted to raise their awareness, just in case. I wouldn't ask them to be moved though. The teacher will deal with that if, and when needed.

As a primary teacher I often got messages like that.

EveSix · 24/08/2023 08:51

Caveat: if there is bullying and intimidation going on, always inform a teacher. If someone tries to minimise it, keep on bringing it up until you and your child are listened to.
As a primary school teacher, I wince a bit when I hear children say "My mum said I'm not supposed to play / speak / sit with X," as it sets up a situation where the pupil has a) usually been given a reason why not, which rarely paints X in a very positive light and b) preventing contact effectively rules out any kind of reconciliation. Children, who may have just been having a bit of a spat, can become entrenched in an "X is intrinsically a bad person" mindset. In addition, kids naturally want to please their parents and tend to want to stick to the separation rule which can cause a friction to linger. Many parents will interrogate their child as to whether they've interacted with X during the day and what the teacher has done to 'help' the child hold the line; it becomes a really big thing which can be hard to walk back and resolve.

Bellaboo01 · 24/08/2023 08:55

AppleTurnovers1212 · 24/08/2023 08:26

Just to say, I am prepared to get told off as I know both kids are only 7.

So basically myself and the mother of the other child are quite acquainted which I think the kids in turn thought they also had to be. A few weeks ago we bumped into each other randomly and were chatting. Kids ran off but I noticed how the other girl wanted to taunt my one, and got the other kids to exclude her also, which miffed me off and I had to intervene. Now I know I'm raising no saint either but I left it off.

Back to last week and we met again at a gathering and the mother specifically states to her daughter I told you not to play with her, referring to mine. My dd went over to say to the girl there was a wasp around her at one stage and the other girl ended up roaring leave me alone and making huge drama of it cos my girl only said something to her. Again other mother decided to call it out how they don't get along etc infront of everyone and I had to call her out over it and stated the incident a few weeks prior. As my one is so vocal she gets caught out for things where as the other gets away with it for coming off more gentle. If we pass them at random I say I'm busy and keep going but her child pulls faces behind the mothers back at my one to try get a reaction.

Anyway they are back at school and I'm wondering should I request they not be seated together even though they arent at the minute! I don't want to sound like an over bearing mother!

What do you mean when you said you 'had to intervene' - what did you do or say?

Why is your daughter going up to her - whether that be to tell her about a wasp or whatever. If they don't get on - they both need to leave each other alone.

hylian · 24/08/2023 08:56

EveSix · 24/08/2023 08:51

Caveat: if there is bullying and intimidation going on, always inform a teacher. If someone tries to minimise it, keep on bringing it up until you and your child are listened to.
As a primary school teacher, I wince a bit when I hear children say "My mum said I'm not supposed to play / speak / sit with X," as it sets up a situation where the pupil has a) usually been given a reason why not, which rarely paints X in a very positive light and b) preventing contact effectively rules out any kind of reconciliation. Children, who may have just been having a bit of a spat, can become entrenched in an "X is intrinsically a bad person" mindset. In addition, kids naturally want to please their parents and tend to want to stick to the separation rule which can cause a friction to linger. Many parents will interrogate their child as to whether they've interacted with X during the day and what the teacher has done to 'help' the child hold the line; it becomes a really big thing which can be hard to walk back and resolve.

Edited

^^ Good advice here.

It's really best not to get involved - things like this between kids generally blow over pretty quickly (unless parents make it into a big deal!)

If there is actual bullying going on then of course it's different.

Ladybrrrd · 24/08/2023 08:59

EveSix · 24/08/2023 08:51

Caveat: if there is bullying and intimidation going on, always inform a teacher. If someone tries to minimise it, keep on bringing it up until you and your child are listened to.
As a primary school teacher, I wince a bit when I hear children say "My mum said I'm not supposed to play / speak / sit with X," as it sets up a situation where the pupil has a) usually been given a reason why not, which rarely paints X in a very positive light and b) preventing contact effectively rules out any kind of reconciliation. Children, who may have just been having a bit of a spat, can become entrenched in an "X is intrinsically a bad person" mindset. In addition, kids naturally want to please their parents and tend to want to stick to the separation rule which can cause a friction to linger. Many parents will interrogate their child as to whether they've interacted with X during the day and what the teacher has done to 'help' the child hold the line; it becomes a really big thing which can be hard to walk back and resolve.

Edited

Couldn't have put it better myself! Exactly this. It's also how you end up with ongoing arguments and sometimes exaggerated (or untrue) stories!

CaptainMyCaptain · 24/08/2023 09:10

If they are causing problems in school the teacher will separate them anyway.

Iam4eels · 24/08/2023 09:16

I wouldn't say anything to school because they haven't been seated together at this point. Also part of classroom life is that sometimes the children will have to sit next to or work with someone they don't particularly get along with and learning to navigate this situation is an important skill. Staff on the classroom usually pick up very quickly on children not getting along and will intervene as needed.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 24/08/2023 09:20

No need imo. If their behaviour with each other is a problem in school, the teacher is unlikely to sit them next to each other. Besides, kids' friendships and enmities change all the time at that age.

Phos · 24/08/2023 09:21

I think advice like “tell her to stay away from X” is not great advice because a) they won’t always do that just because they’ve been told and b) it can end up with a “my mummy says I’m not allowed to talk to you” and ultimately can cause more problems. I would probably just let the teacher know briefly there have been some
issues out of school but without making any special requests re seating just yet. As a former teacher I’d appreciate a forewarning of any potential spats and feel better prepared to deal with these.