AIBU not to tell my husband.

[Catch2222]

I've name changed for obvious reasons.

My husband is a very senior finance manager of a large company. My son (husbands stepson) is an accounting apprentice in the same company. My sons manager and colleagues know his relation but given husband and son are not close it doesn't seem to be an issue.

On Friday a some of money went missing from a safe. This is a safe that son and a new recruit are responsible for. Son flagged it with manager. Monday the other person called in sick. Son and his manager went back over the safe records and discovered the money went missing on days other person was on duty. Sons manager is still not happy it's theft but won't even involve the other person in the investigation into missing money.

It's Wednesday and my husband still hasn't been told about the issue. My son is reallly worried that it's not being handled properly by his manager and is going to be swept under the carpet (manager is underperforming and worried about his job) because his manager is worried it will reflect on him.

I feel like I'm really worried for my son because he is stressed out of his head about this. I'm also worried if I tell hisband he will have to act and then manager will know where the info came from.

But I also feel shit for keeping something like this from husband. AIBU for not telling him?

Can your DS discuss this with someone else in the company? Does he have a mentor? That way it will be taken out of his hands.
Why haven’t the police been called? That is the thing that will reflect badly on the manager.

He had a mentor who had to return to his home country. The new person was then employed to replace that mentor and
The manager has left them both to it. Son is so precise and
Concerned with doing things by the book simply because
Of his relationship with "the big boss"

The manager refuses to believe it's theft so I imagine that's why the police haven't been called. He just can't come up with a reason why it's short.

Son stressed out of his head as it's his first experience of workplace difficulties

I think I would tell him. It will be worse for you and your son not telling and having this hanging over you.

How much is missing?

Is there someone above shit manager but before your DH that DS can raise his concerns with?

This, or a whistle blowing procedure?

Your son needs to go to his manager’s manager, or equivalent, or follow the HR procedure for expressing his concerns if there is one. He needs to put his concerns in writing and ensure he has fully covered his own arse. Presumably the missing money will be discovered and your son needs to ensure he doesn’t look like he took it or attempted to cover anything up.

Given you say this is a large firm and your DH is relatively distant from your son in the company hierarchy I’m not sure why you’d expect him to necessarily be involved. This is not a situation where Mummy and Step Dad need to be involved, this is where your son needs to be a professional adult.

Your son is going to have to tell the manager that if they sweep it under the carpet it will come back to bite them, do either the manager escalates the problem or he does. And he needs to say that this needs to happen immediately.

There is one person between shit manager and my husband. They are friends and both have already been pulled about something they tried to deal with together without involving husband.

This is what complicates things.

Only a few hundred missing in the scheme of things this is small change but a definite deficit

This is a work issue and as such excludes you, it's not your place to say . It's up to shit manager ultimately. Son should keep records. Mum stay out of it for your own good.

I think, as they all know the relationship between your DS and DH anyway, surely they would kind of expect him to say something to him.

I think I would tell your DH (with permission from son) or if he doesn’t want that, he will have to deal with it himself and keep you out of it.

Ok I'm going to keep out of it. Have told son that I'm here to listen but it's between he and I and I don't want to be quoted or involved in any of it. I've told him to keep
Notes and to look into HR policy and if they aren't dealing with it to email them saying he needs it dealt with or he will submit a complaint.

Son seriously keeps his head down and does his work. He's got a different name to my husband so only the close team know the relationship. He always gives the line manager his place and has never gone tale telling to hubby so I don't think they will expect him to tell husband.

I think he should say something in case anyone tries to pin it on him ti cover their ass.

Of course he should say something (perhaps to your husband, who should have his back). Why on earth should he have to shoulder this level of responsibility because others are underperforming.

The manager nicked it during the time the other person was “responsible”

Ignore the personal relationship. Your son is an adult, with a job, and needs to deal with it as a workplace issue. If he worked somewhere else you wouldn't (I hope!) be calling the company to report this.

His immediate manager has failed to deal it, the one above is unlikely to be helpful (because of past history and friendships). So the next professional step is to go to either HR or the next level of management.

I think your husband needs to know. Even though your son and husband aren't close they are still related and anything around your son reflects him also whether they like it or not. Your son needs to ask advice from him also as he's very early in his career and last thing he needs is to be seen as culpable or dealing with a cover up.
Definitely sounds like the manager is being dodgy not to report the financial inconsistencies. Your son could be sacked

@Palmasailor raises a good point. What if the manager is covering their own back? Son needs to raise this with HR I think.

This could have serious implications for your son, and his future career, as I'm quite sure his manager will cover his backside by using your son as 'fall guy' and likely blame him - and who are the more senior people going to believe when they ask why wasn't this reported when they ask your son?

If he doesn't want to go to your DH then he should email HR for advice. Immediately. He needs to explain to them what's happened, and what manager has done so far, with a time line. and say he is concerned it's not being followed up properly - and to actually ask HR what he should do (because no mentor, & lack of senior person he can trust immediately above manager, and he's worried about repercussions).

@Catch2222 it’s always difficult to advise when you don’t know personalities and employers policies etc.

Given your husband is senior he may be able to help by advising your son how to approach this. He will know the right person for your son to report to without needing to let anyone know he knows. Only you know if your husband can keep out of it.

I agree with pp reporting this to HR or someone outside the reporting line is the right approach. Tell your son to report in writing asap.

Please tell me your son has been documenting and noting everyone of these conversations and interactions and been emailing copies back to said manager? He needs to cover his own arse utterly and completely because this stinks of the fact that he's being set up...

If it’s a large company, do they have a whistle blowing department? I work for a large bank, & we have one.

I would contact them of I were in your son’s shoes.