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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never go on holidays with these friends again

44 replies

paintityellow · 23/08/2023 12:03

Just back and bloody relieved. Two couples and we both have children around the same age - 7 to 10. Other couple's children were just a PITA throughout the holiday. Huge tantrums if they didn't get ice cream/sweets/toys in any shop we went into, tantrums and sulks because they didn't like the beach/funfair/swimming pool, allowed to stay up until the adults went to bed every night whining, interrupting the conversation, wanting something else on the television.

Our friends just gave into them all the time. Not only was it then difficult to tell our children that they couldn't have more sweets or another beachball or a second coke in the cafe; or to make them go to bed at a reasonable time when the other kids were allowed stay up until midnight; they also spoiled so many outings with their sulking, whinging to go home, refusing to take part in stuff etc.

We normally get along fine with these friends, although I always found their children a little bit spoiled and whiney. But I really had no idea just how badly indulged they are, and I found myself getting so exasperated with our friends for constantly pandering to this behaviour.

Other couple are already talking about going away again during half term; AIBU to resolve never to go away with them again, or at least not until their children are safely grown up and planning their own holidays.

OP posts:

GerbilsForever24 · 23/08/2023 13:29

MissAtomicBomb1 · 23/08/2023 13:24

YANBU
BUT...you are coming over as being a bit judgey here. It just sounds like you have different parenting styles. We are probably similar to your friends in that we indulge the kids for a week on holiday in a way that we wouldn't the rest of the year. Also a 10yr old will probably want to stay up a fair bit later than a 7yr old. No excuse for whining and tantrums but the rest I don't see an issue with. Sounds like you're not suited to holidaying together. The flip side is that they probably found holidaying with you a bit restrictive.

Yes, but I don't think that's unreasonable. Our children are generally very well behaved but stay up later than other children - including in term time and definitely in holidays. We are judged for it all the time but I just let it go because that's on them. We do what works for us and we choose to spend evenings or holidays with friends who have a similar approach.

Clefable · 23/08/2023 13:33

Just not compatible parenting styles. We are quite relaxed about bedtimes on holiday and stuff because at home the kids are always in bed asleep by 7.30/8 so we already have every evening to ourselves, so don't feel a desperate need to do that on holiday because we already have that time together at home, so we are much more flexible, sometimes they are up till 9/10 if we've been out for dinner or whatever. Plus I prefer a lie in on holidays so if they were in bed at 7 one of us would be getting up at 6am or something, whereas an 8am start is much more preferable!

Clefable · 23/08/2023 13:36

And we are quite indulgent on holiday. I don't appreciate or respond to whining or tantrums, but stuff like ice creams or a second fancy drink and stuff etc. aren't an issue and I'd usually give those if asked nicely, so I guess it would be a bit awkward if we holidayed with a more abstemious family!

MissAtomicBomb1 · 23/08/2023 13:40

@GerbilsForever24 I wasn't saying that late bedtimes are unreasonable, just pointing out that their might be a spread anyway within the age group that the OP mentioned. My two are late in bed on holiday. I've found it's trickier when you have an older child as the younger one also ends up staying up later. When our youngest was 7, they were both in bed by 8pm No chance of that now! We're probably judged by parents of kids who are both still relatively little though!

GerbilsForever24 · 23/08/2023 13:43

@MissAtomicBomb1 so true - DD stays up much later as it's hard to force her to bed when DS is awake.

But my sister's kids, who are older, are still in bed by no later than about 10 even on holidays. So we don't go on holiday with them, by mutual agreement. She judges us (sisters, huh!?) and I'm just not interested.

Anoushkaka · 23/08/2023 13:47

I would never go on holidays with friends or family even though I have been asked. I go on holiday to relax and get away from everyone.

Neodymium · 23/08/2023 13:48

We had a holiday like this. Except the child was 15. In the city getting lunch at a nice cafe and she sulked because she wanted McDonald’s. We had to traipse all over looking for one after everyone else ate to shut her up. Then she refused to go to the event we had tickets for and we all had to wait for her to be picked up. She also didn’t pack weather appropriate clothes and her parents had to drive to 2 different shopping centres to find the specific store she wanted to shop at. Worst thing was my friend was annoyed at her daughter but took it out on my kids yelling at them for nothing. They had mentioned going away again a couple times. Won’t be happening!

SophieHope7 · 23/08/2023 13:50

Make plans for half term now so you're not free and maybe don't go away with them for a few years!

DrManhattan · 23/08/2023 13:51

Having just got back from holiday with someone who gave their child five final warnings.... never again.

BTw the kid got their own way in the end. No wonder some kids are so confused!

DrManhattan · 23/08/2023 13:52

Is constantly giving in to your kids and letting them have their own way all the time a 'parenting style' or just lazy can't be arsed short term parenting.

Overdemanding · 23/08/2023 13:53

DrManhattan · 23/08/2023 13:51

Having just got back from holiday with someone who gave their child five final warnings.... never again.

BTw the kid got their own way in the end. No wonder some kids are so confused!

I used to say "I'm not telling you again" then sometimes "don't make me tell you again" and I hated myself for it. I never got to 5 😆

DrManhattan · 23/08/2023 13:57

@Overdemanding ha! No one should ever get to 5! It loses all meaning and the kids then know their parent is a walk over.

lightinthebox · 23/08/2023 13:58

Are you really trying to say your children are perfectly behaved and never a pain? I have a stricter parenting style than friends but I’d never say mine are perfect (they’re not) and be nasty about them or their children.

Most people are more relaxed re bedtimes etc on holiday too.

musicforthesoul · 23/08/2023 13:59

YANBU.

I think holidays like this can be tricky unless everyone agrees on the same rules for all the children.

If you're the stricter one it feels like you're constantly saying no, if you're the more lenient one you feel under pressure to stop your DC doing things you're happy with, or you have to deal with the potential arguments it causes. Doesn't work from either side.

Mischance · 23/08/2023 14:05

Been there - done that. Used to holiday with the couple before they had children - and our children came too. Then they adopted a child of their own who was beyond spoilt. It was hell - this child had to have everything he wanted to the point that he wanted the whole serving dish of peas for himself at dinner one day and he was given them!! He wanted all the squirts of cream off the top of a trifle and was given them - my DDs sat wide-eyed and droopy-lipped at this!

We knocked the joint holidays on the head - it was so unfair to my children, whom I had brought up to share and be considerate. Luckily, little though they were, they could see that what was happening was fundamentally wrong and did not expect they would get the same treatment - we talked together about it and they were clear that they did not want/expect the same for themselves.

If this child did not get his own way he would lie on the floor and scream and his parents would fuss around him. I would have left him to scream. I looked after him at one point while his parents went out and he coped fine with being told no - very firmly I have to add!

He has grown up to be an entitled pain in the rear end; but sadly no settled relationships and quite a sad person really.

Mariposista · 23/08/2023 14:17

This would be the end of the friendship for me.

CrotchetyQuaver · 23/08/2023 14:32

My DV are adult now but this was a them throughout their younger years when we drifted apart from very dear long-standing friends because of the differences in the way we parented our children and the way our/their children behaved. I think it's quite common for this to happen. Bit of a shame but just the way it is.

(Our parenting style sounds more like yours than the other family, I can't bear whiny kids)

Switchingoff · 26/12/2023 18:58

DELETED - Somehow replied on wrong thread!

LeggyLegsEleven · 26/12/2023 20:33

I do know someone who went away and one of the other peoples children was allowed to stay up as late as the adults. They also dominated the conversation. As she said, why would I want to spend my child free evening (she has 6 children) listening to someone else’s kid prattling on. The child’s parents thought it was amazing as well. They stopped being friends.

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