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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like what they said

15 replies

Lonzdale34 · 23/08/2023 10:18

I was at a relatives house and her neighbour popped in for a cuppa.

We chatted about various things the weather, work etc and eventually the topic of another neighbour's teenage DD came up.

Apparently she is rude, stuck up and never says hello, loves taking selfies etc etc. I wasn't sure why this warranted a conversation and pointed out that she is only 15 and lots of teenagers can be a bit like this. They said ' but her sister is completely different and really lovely.'

Conversation moved on but reflecting back on their words and I really don't like how they were talking about a young girl who's just trying to grow up and doesn't need neighbours gossiping about her like that. I'm tempted to say something to my relative as I think it was wrong but maybe IBU and should just leave it?

I think it's triggered me a bit as 20 years ago I was just like that young girl and I clashed a lot with said relative and other family members. I felt judged, insecure and misunderstood and that was behind my attitude problem. It's affected me to this day and I still fear judgement of others.

I'm not saying teenagers should be excused for being rude but a bit of understanding and less judgement would be much more helpful.

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 23/08/2023 10:22

You're projecting, but I think you know that.

NatMacFeegle · 23/08/2023 10:25

A random comment about a 15 Yr old you don't know being a typical teenager has 'triggered' you?

IfICantHaveYou · 23/08/2023 10:26

Really??

Dear lord!

Gymmum82 · 23/08/2023 10:27

Sounds like 90% of teens that ever existed

BMW6 · 23/08/2023 10:29

Don't be daft, people are perfectly entitled to have a moan and gossip about whoever they like!

You can be absolutely sure that you'll be a subject of conversation, judgement and criticism behind closed doors, especially if you "have a word" with the relative!!!

ShirleyPhallus · 23/08/2023 10:29

Actually I agree with you. Mindless gossip about someone they don’t really know is completely unnecessary

In fact, it’s not gossiping, it’s bitching about a child

Original poster
Lonzdale34 · 23/08/2023 10:29

ManateeFair · 23/08/2023 10:22

You're projecting, but I think you know that.

Yes I know I am.

It just felt nasty to me. Probably because of my own experiences but they were also doing impressions of her. It's just uncalled for

Perhaps triggered is too strong a word. I'm certainly nor reliving any trauma here but remembering said relatives intense dislike and judgement of moody teenagers

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonzdale34 · 23/08/2023 10:30

ShirleyPhallus · 23/08/2023 10:29

Actually I agree with you. Mindless gossip about someone they don’t really know is completely unnecessary

In fact, it’s not gossiping, it’s bitching about a child

Exactly. A child just trying to grow up

OP posts:
indyocean · 23/08/2023 11:28

You're totally right but should have said something at the time

Remember how you feel the next time something like this happens

ShineLikeA · 23/08/2023 11:29

Well, you're not wrong, but the time to say something was then and there.

Pinkdelight3 · 23/08/2023 12:19

You can't police people's conversations to this extent - they're human beings with all kinds of qualities and neighbours have gossiped idly from the dawn of time and will continue to do so. Manage your own reactions by all means and if it makes you dislike these people and engage less with them, that's your call, but all that about your own insecurity and fears etc is your issue to deal with. You can't idealise how other people will behave and be triggered when they don't live up to it. Work with the reality and be more understanding of others and you might be less fearful of judgement yourself.

LBFseBrom · 23/08/2023 12:31

You are not unreasonable. It is horrible to diss someone behind their back and to make comparisons with their siblings or anyone else. Your friend is a malicious gossip. I doubt the girl is much different to many others and she will change - she will also pick up on the fact that this woman disapproves of her.

Give the girl a break. Ditch your 'friend'. I hate gossiping.

Cas112 · 23/08/2023 13:13

I think its pathetic fully grown women want to gossip about a child like that and the people justifying it are definitely the type of people to do it

Original poster
Lonzdale34 · 23/08/2023 16:15

Cas112 · 23/08/2023 13:13

I think its pathetic fully grown women want to gossip about a child like that and the people justifying it are definitely the type of people to do it

Yes I'm surprised I'm deemed unreasonable for disliking adult women gossiping about a young girl who they don't really know and doing impressions of her.

I appreciate people gossip all the time and I can't control that but I figured there was a line when it's young people or children.

I do wish I'd said more at the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonzdale34 · 23/08/2023 16:18

LBFseBrom · 23/08/2023 12:31

You are not unreasonable. It is horrible to diss someone behind their back and to make comparisons with their siblings or anyone else. Your friend is a malicious gossip. I doubt the girl is much different to many others and she will change - she will also pick up on the fact that this woman disapproves of her.

Give the girl a break. Ditch your 'friend'. I hate gossiping.

Yes it did feel nasty of them. It wasn't just a mundane observation they laughed when they talked about how she poses for selfies and pouts etc. I don't understand how anyone can be that bothered by a 15 year old

OP posts:
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