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AIBU?

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Original poster

To lend my friend money?

167 replies

mscrooge · 23/08/2023 07:16

Friend is in really bad debt. He’s overwhelmed with interest fees. He lost the money through an investment in his own business, that wasn’t successful.

I do quite well financially, although I don’t have as much saved as I should (expensive divorce).

We just got into a lighthearted conversation about whether I’d be able to lend him some money, interest free, to clear some of the debt, but during the conversation I realised I actually could.

I am completely against either borrowing or lending money but for some reason I feel unexpectedly comfortable with this.

He has never ever been anything but super reliable, money-wise. I let him use my card for a while when he lost his while travelling, and he paid me back every single penny via bank transfer, immediately after he’d made each payment.

It’s a vast amount of money though. A year’s salary for some people. I can afford to lose it but I certainly hope not to!

We would have legal docs drawn up, which would stipulate the terms. I already have the drafts and I’m pretty comfortable with them.

I’m trying to think it through properly before I go ahead as I don’t want to be an idiot.

Assuming he pays me back, the only thing I have to lose is the interest I’d make having it in the bank, but it’s not a big enough amount to concern me.

What am I not thinking of?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 23/08/2023 07:18

No, no, no.

SpunkyGibbon · 23/08/2023 07:19

Don't

icelollycraving · 23/08/2023 07:19

Can you really afford to lose it? I would say an absolute hard no.
If he defaults, would you start debt recovery in any way? It’s a kind thought, but foolish imho.

RhymesWithTangerine · 23/08/2023 07:19

Never lend more than you can afford to lose.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/08/2023 07:19

Quickest way to destroy a friendship!

also if you have children I think it’s utterly wreckless to give so much money to a grown adult.

Aprilx · 23/08/2023 07:20

If he were super reliable with money he wouldn’t have a lot of debt. I think sticking to never borrowing or lending.

Flipflipmania · 23/08/2023 07:20

Assuming he pays me back

daft assumption

you sound very financially vulnerable yourself op

BravoMyDear · 23/08/2023 07:21

Nooooooooooooooooooooo

Planesmistakenforstars · 23/08/2023 07:22

Only go through with this if you are prepared to lose both the money and the friendship. Otherwise no way, don't even contemplate it.

Biker47 · 23/08/2023 07:22

Nope, if he was good with money he wouldn't be in the position he's in. Also, if you lend him it, you'll constantly be judging what he's doing with his money before he's paid you back, e.g. why is he out at a restaurant when he owes me money, why's he booked a holiday etc.

Mumdiva99 · 23/08/2023 07:22

Don't lend it unless you don't mind losing it.
If it's your only savings then absolutely no way.

If his business isn't making money he needs to get a job.

bladebladebla1 · 23/08/2023 07:22

That's so kind and I see why you want to but it's so risky. I bought a house with my best friend, we were so tight and it went wrong when we sold because money is so icky a subject for close friends

AuntieMarys · 23/08/2023 07:22

Do not do it

LizzieSiddal · 23/08/2023 07:23

Don’t do it unless you don’t mind getting the money back, because I doubt you will. Something will happen along the way, his circumstances may change and he may not be-able to do it, would you be ok with that and still want to be friends?

Also how on earth is he going to pay you back of its a lot of money and his business has failed?

kweeble · 23/08/2023 07:23

If he needs to declare bankruptcy you won’t get the money back.
He has already spent too much of his own money so why would that change if he had yours?
Look after yourself and build some savings.

bladebladebla1 · 23/08/2023 07:23

Aprilx · 23/08/2023 07:20

If he were super reliable with money he wouldn’t have a lot of debt. I think sticking to never borrowing or lending.

Slightly cruel. Tried to set up a business and failed. Didn't just spunk up the wall

Tilllly · 23/08/2023 07:23

Could you be a guarantor for him instead, if he can consolidate his debts, take a lower interest loan or something?
Has he gone to a debt management organisation even?

LegalAdviceNeededPlease123 · 23/08/2023 07:24

I did. It was stressful at times through no fault of his own as I'd suddenly randomly worry I wouldn't get it back, but I did.

One thing that did help was that he told his family. His reason was in case he died I'd be paid back from the inheritance he'd otherwise get from his parents. But it also meant I knew they would hold him accountable.

When I asked if I should here, though, it was an almost-unanamous 'don't' hough, and I do understand why.

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 23/08/2023 07:24

A 'lighthearted conversation' eh? There is nothing lighthearted about lending someone who is heavily in debt that amount of money.

He needs to talk to Stepchange or other similar organisation and either find a way to structure it to pay it off, or declare himself bankrupt.

MMorales · 23/08/2023 07:25

Only do it if you want to lose him as a friend.

xyz111 · 23/08/2023 07:25

Someone with huge debt is not "reliable money wise." If you lend it, be 100% happy never seeing it again.

Valerie23 · 23/08/2023 07:26

No, never lend money. If you want to give him money then that's different but you may find he won't use it as he says he will and will either make another duff investment and lose it all or spend it on treating himself instead of paying off towards his debts.

There is of course his ego which may willingly accept the money at first but later on come to resent you because you had to bail him out.

MrsMoastyToasty · 23/08/2023 07:27

No. Offer to go to Citizens Advice with him instead to get some debt advice.

continentallentil · 23/08/2023 07:28

Absolutely not

You wouldn’t be helping him at all.

As a friend get him to contact step
change, they will help him get the debts frozen and then he can pay them off and work on why he got into this fix. If he realistically cannot ever clear it, they will help him agree a compromise with the lenders where he pays some but not all of it.

He is not reliable with money or he wouldn’t have huge debt, or at the least he wouldn’t have such badly managed debt

You should never lend money unless you can afford to loose it (and the friendship) and it’s clear you cannot afford to loose it

Pull back, tell him someone has told you about Step Change… and examine why you feel you need to be a Rescuer even though it puts you in a vulnerable position

pinkfondu · 23/08/2023 07:29

No, no, no, no, no.

The way to help him is to actually find him the right people who can advise and help. Tell him to speak to Step change and go on the MSE debt pages. They only way to stop someone from this sort of mess for the rest of their life is to sort it painfully.

Ps don't all of the people he has debts to have legal contracts too!

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