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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DH tonight

42 replies

redambergreen70 · 22/08/2023 23:57

I go away tomorrow for a few days on business. I’ve spent the evening packing for myself but also sorting everything for DH and our DC whilst I’m away - meals, clothes, etc so DH doesn’t need to worry about anything. DH has been on the sofa watching TV and relaxing, rolling his eyes when I’ve asked him to do the odd small task to help me.
I suggested we watch some tv in bed before we sleep to relax and spend some time together to which DH agreed. I came to bed and DH said it’s too late and he’s going yo sleep.
AIBU to think that it would have been nice for him to help but at the very least, spend half an hour with me before I go away tomorrow?

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 23/08/2023 04:18

You are enabling him. Stop answering the calls. I'm sure he can figure out, in his own home, where his own children's clothes are. And if he can't figure out what things a child might need for the day then I'd be worried about him holding down a job or completing normal adult tasks.

curaçao · 23/08/2023 04:53

redambergreen70 · 23/08/2023 00:12

Whilst he is more than capable of feeding and clothing his children, I would receive constant calls to ask what he can make for dinner, where are certain items of clothing and what the children need for that day.

Why would je need to ask you what to make? Do you get angry at him for using up the wrong food?
And why are the childrens clothes not in their rooms?
Couldn't you just write a note of what to cook and what the kids need each day ( if it's usually youbwho deals with this)

RantyAnty · 23/08/2023 05:16

Good grief. Stop doing this shit. He's an adult, not 5
Pack your own bag and leave him to it. Ignore his phone calls while you're away except for once a day.

Donotshushme · 23/08/2023 06:10

You're treating him like a baby. It wouldn't even cross my mind to get clothes prepared for my husband if i was going away for a few days.

Baffling.

crew2022 · 23/08/2023 06:33

Don't do this again.
Let him find out what he needs to do
Then next time if you try and prepare he might help you. Or even be better prepared himself
He doesn't value what you do because he's not had to get on with it all himself. So stop. And tell him unless a call is about one of the dc being I'll, please don't ring as you can't be distracted at work.

Brefugee · 23/08/2023 06:35

He is their parent. No need to faff getting anything ready apart from the things you need for your trip.

In his shoes I'd be miffed too, don't you trust him? Pretty poor of you! Tbh

Shoxfordian · 23/08/2023 06:38

Why did you have children with someone this incompetent?

HamishTheCamel · 23/08/2023 06:40

Agree with everyone else! Just leave him to it next time OP. If he calls and asks silly questions, just say "I don't mind DH - do whatever you think".

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 23/08/2023 06:44

redambergreen70 · 23/08/2023 00:12

Whilst he is more than capable of feeding and clothing his children, I would receive constant calls to ask what he can make for dinner, where are certain items of clothing and what the children need for that day.

And?

Stop answering the phone and stop enabling his lazy behaviour.

mycoffeecup · 23/08/2023 06:55

Next time don't leave anything done for him, and when he calls just say 'you're their Dad, I'm sure you'll cope'

Chantholtmouse · 23/08/2023 06:59

You're only going away for a few days. It's hardly a big deal YABU.

Mozzie1 · 23/08/2023 07:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Autumntimeagain · 23/08/2023 07:06

OP, you've totally negated the sentence 'He is more than capable' when you said you'd receive calls from him ASKING YOU what he should be doing/cooking/sorting for the kids and himself ffs !

Hi IS 100% able to fucking well sort it out himself ! Stop answering his stupid calls and leave him to it ! He'll only learn when you STOP fucking enabling his bloody incompetence !

MrsElsa · 23/08/2023 07:06

It is ridiculous to prep food and clothes for anyone in this situation. He is a grown adult. He gets himself dressed every day since he was maybe 6, foraged for food in Tescos /down the chippy before he moved in with you. He knows that DC also need clothing and food. The house has both, and if not he knows where the shops are.

If you can zoom out mentally and start to see the wood for the trees you might be onto something.

Peony654 · 23/08/2023 07:08

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 23/08/2023 00:11

Are youbsome what of a self inflicting Martyr?

You needed to sort your stuff out for the trip on your own. That's it.
He doesn't need to help you with that.
You didn't need to do any of the other stuff. You could've left it.

You chose to do it. So you chose to waste your time that could've been spent chilling with him.

This! Sorry but you should have spent the evening with him instead. He’s an adult, leave him to it.

VictoriaVenkman · 23/08/2023 07:56

redambergreen70 · 23/08/2023 00:12

Whilst he is more than capable of feeding and clothing his children, I would receive constant calls to ask what he can make for dinner, where are certain items of clothing and what the children need for that day.

Wow, he has you right where he wants you.

NinaGeiger · 23/08/2023 08:31

I have a friend who is a bit older than me and has much older kids and who I see as very wise.
They had a period of time when the kids were little and she was working full time and he was a stay at home parent. On the first day he called her in a panic with some non-emergency and she said "I have every faith in your ability to handle this on your own" and hung up. And he did.

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