To appreciate living the Groundhog Day?

CantAffordDamnedPearls · 2023-08-22T22:19:14+00:00

Aged 45, engaged, empty nester, full-time employee, both parents alive and ok. Same shit every day, and I remember craving this boredom when times were tough few years back. I was going to do so much when things got back to normal - small stuff but with gratitude for being able to do them. I kind of do those things and this is the new normal and may it last a few more years. Or have I buried myself alive before too long, sometimes I feel like I am old before my time.

Scylax · 23/08/2023 02:12

’Boring’ is great! Make the most of the peace to do what’s worthwhile :)

OriginalUsername2 · 23/08/2023 04:44

Thanks for the reminder!

After many years of crap happening to us, my DP and I declared we just wanted boring, mundane lives for at least 5 years. Lately I’ve felt a bit trapped in Groundhog Day but this is the peace we wished for!

CoffeeCantata · 23/08/2023 08:31

NO, I love a bit of routine, as long as it's not stressful and demanding. Unfortunately I don't seem to be able to achieve it.

Don't be brainwashed by the 21st century craziness and pressure to always be busy, always be challenging yourself and doing new things. Some people (like me) don't enjoy that lifestyle, and that's OK. Remember, so much in terms of advertising and media etc is created by very young people and isn't necessarily a good guide to a happy life for most of the population!

There was a great slogan on an ad a few years ago: "When was the last time you did something for the first time?" Fine - but no-one should feel pressured to live on the edge if that isn't what makes them happy.

You get to an age where you know what works for you!

Summerslimtime · 23/08/2023 08:40

Yes but op used to crave boring when her life was crazy- now she needs some crazy.

You need an adventure! Plan some interesting travelling in and some breaks away from home and your routine. What made you excited when you were younger? You need to get out there again eg. gigs, theatre, festivals, a fitness challenge ...

Summerslimtime · 23/08/2023 08:42

Haha totally contradicts @CoffeeCantata !!!

I'm the sane age but with young dc. For me it's travelling.

StillOrSparklingMadam · 23/08/2023 08:43

It sounds blissful.

I’ve had one drama after another for the past 5 years and I live for the little moments when “visited a lovely café I’d never been to before” is the highlight of my week 😊

asterdaisy · 23/08/2023 08:47

You need adventures. You sound like you are in your eighties with your attitude. Life is short, enjoy it.

CoffeeCantata · 23/08/2023 08:50

@Summerslimtime

Yes - different strokes etc!

I completely get that for some exciting and challenging things make them happy, but I've also known people who clearly aren't really like this and manufacture stress in their lives because they think they should be. I think it's OK to be boring (for want of a better word - 'boring' people often have very stimulating inner lives) if that's what makes you happy.

Lots of my mates are the Bear Grylls/climb Everest/walk the Inca Trail tribe and don't understand that I've never had the slightest inclination to do these things - and that I'm not embarrassed to say so!

CommonVetch · 23/08/2023 08:51

Maybe consider if you've gotten used to feeling stressed, so that feeling is "safe" or "normal" to your brain. I struggle with this myself, after years of stressful and anxiety-filled situations, I am now safe and well. Unfortunately my brain is primed and revved up for another emergency to pop up, so I feel like I'm constantly trying to fill the empty space with more things to fret over. I have to make a daily conscious effort to NOT worry, to enjoy the moment, and to relax into routines.

HamishTheCamel · 23/08/2023 08:58

If the kids have recently flown the nest it is a good time to try something new. Anything you used to enjoy but stopped doing when your kids were little?

asterdaisy · 23/08/2023 08:59

You don't want drama in your life, although some of that will happen anyway. And you don't have to climb Everest. But you can still do new things. Go and see a band you have never seen. Go to a new museum or a new restaurant. Make new friends.
New experiences are good for the brain.

BellaJuno · 23/08/2023 09:06

There’s comfort in the familiar, it’s why we gravitate to it when we’re stressed (ie re-watching old boxsets when feeling low).

I love those periods of life when there’s little drama and life just plods on. I just make sure during those times that I still embrace new experiences, even if that’s just never repeating the same holiday destination or trying a new restaurant etc.

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/08/2023 09:10

@CoffeeCantata

Don't be brainwashed by the 21st century craziness and pressure to always be busy, always be challenging yourself and doing new things. Some people (like me) don't enjoy that lifestyle, and that's OK. Remember, so much in terms of advertising and media etc is created by very young people and isn't necessarily a good guide to a happy life for most of the population!

You see I couldn't disagree more with this and I don't think it's true that this is "brainwashing". People's approach to risk and variety is personality dependent and it's wrong to see this as artificial just because you don't like it.

I don't mind routine but not having enough to do makes me feel physically unwell. I find boredom far far more stressful than stress and I actually thrive on reasonable levels of stress. My DP on the other hand loves routine and finds any change from the pattern quite difficult to handle. It's very much horses for courses.

I would find this predictable a life at this age quite depressing and limiting: 45 is quite young for every day to be the same in my view. OP: I can totally understand the appeal of taking it easy if you've been through a long period of stress and your body might need a more relaxed pace. But you could be alive for another 45 years and I do think you may get bored of having a life like a 65 year old after a while. I would be trying to find a happy medium.

CoffeeCantata · 23/08/2023 09:43

@Thepeopleversuswork

Yes - of course it's up to everyone to decide their own level of challenge etc - and that's what I'm trying to say, I guess. I just mean - don't buy into the pressure to feel you MUST do exciting and challenging things if you don't want to - and I don't want to.

I'm retired now and I have too much to do to have the routine I want - I see friends, sing in 2 choirs, arrange music for a small singing group, write semi-professionally and paint too. I'm not idle, but I know what OP means about routine - I fantasise about getting up, sitting in the garden with my coffee, having a nice lunch at home and then doing something relaxing but creative in the afternoon. Evening - dinner and a good film in my sitting room. Horrifically boring to many, but that's what I crave and never manage to achieve!

(Slightly off-topic...but I've recently had 3 lots of friends regale me with accounts of their trips to the Galapagos. Of course it's fascinating to hear about and I wouldn't dream of saying what follows to them, but this is what I'm thinking:

Why, why, why do YOU need to go to the Galapagos? For God's sake, leave this place alone! It bugs me that humans want to tick off experiences as a sort of badge of honour, whereas from my (minority, I admit) perspective, you can watch it on the telly or read about it. There's no need to actually go and bother such delicate environments which are the few still left on the planet that haven't been wrecked by humans. And before anyone says it (an MN classic comeback)...I'm not jealous - I really am not. I would have to be paid to do a trip like this.

I sound like a horrible puritan killjoy, I know. But middle class people have really bought into the travel/adventure thing to a huge extent. I'm very much a weirdo in my social group - I'm happy with a walking holiday in the UK!)

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/08/2023 09:54

@CoffeeCantata

Why, why, why do YOU need to go to the Galapagos? For God's sake, leave this place alone! It bugs me that humans want to tick off experiences as a sort of badge of honour, whereas from my (minority, I admit) perspective, you can watch it on the telly or read about it. There's no need to actually go and bother such delicate environments which are the few still left on the planet that haven't been wrecked by humans. And before anyone says it (an MN classic comeback)...I'm not jealous - I really am not. I would have to be paid to do a trip like this.

Fair enough on your broader point, lots of people enjoy a calmer and more measured life. And I totally accept your point about the Galapagos and other fragile environments: there's really no need for everyone to feel they have to visit this.

But I totally disagree that its better to watch something on the telly than experience it first hand. It's just not comparable.

Also you seem to see travel and adventure as something artificial and intrinsically dishonest: I find this attitude baffling.

Middle aged, middle class people (and women in particular) for decades were made to feel abnormal if they wanted to do anything other than sink into torpor beyond the age of child-rearing. My mum was driven nearly mad through the boredom of being "just" a housewife and mother and I think it was a major factor in her developing dementia in later life.

I think finding adventure in your life of some sort is honestly what prevents us from early decline. That doesn't have to mean an expensive global holiday, it could just as easily be taking up a local hobby or exploring in the UK. But I think pushing yourself out of your comfort zone a bit and keeping your brain on its toes is really important in staving off early mental and emotional decline.